Laverne there is still a stigma and the ah soh brigade will
gossip. The good news is that the stigma has less of a sting these
days as divorces become commonplace. Personally I know few who
would judge a failed marriage unkindly. most folks understand how
challenging a marriage can be so few would cast stones unless you
are tiger woods, Larry king or huang yi liang. There you go, local
context.
I think your issue comes more from within you than anywhere
else. Perfectionist? Religious upbringing maybe? A failed marriage
can make you a better partner so in that sense you are giving the
dude you marry you very best. Well at least the better you with an
added benefit of experience. And if you marry a man with broad
shoulders, so to speak, he will be able to handle your past with
maturity and grace.
Thanks for your kind words AKB.
Realistically, being divorced is not the norm in Asia, and it
isn't exactly something good either. At the same time, most people
would not bother about other people's business, good or bad ones.
They would only speak badly of the others to lighten their own
burdens, i.e. to make themselves feel better. So if someone needs
another person's issue to make their problems seem smaller, they
would for instance, bring up my case of being a divorcee. That
would however not be fair to my partner, because he had a clean
past, but would need to bear with nasty comments because of someone
he loves. So yep, I would feel like I've indirectly done him wrong,
although it's inevitable. Well, we cannot change the past.
As to your question about my age , you can do the math. You see,
I started school a year earlier, don't have to serve 2 years of NS,
finished tertiary education at the fasting possible pace and got a
job right after graduation.
(No prize for guessing my date of birth. Basically I seem to be
doing things ahead of the others of my age, even when it comes to
marriage and divorce >_>)
tl;dr: sg girl fails marriage overseas and decides to hide her
marital status for a 2nd chance to snag a better sg guy
Singaporean guys do have the merits many foreign guys don't.
It's because of our environment, education and opportunities. I
have also been telling my Chinese (PRC) girl friends that,
recommending them to find a husband in Singapore.
But still, if I have to rebuke you, a "2nd chance for a better
guy" does not necessarily have to be a "Singaporean" one. Fine, put
westerners aside on this if you want, there are also many eligible
Chinese guys actually (I don't know what's up with the PRC stigma).
It's just a matter of where the girl wants to settle down. Do
Singaporean men have something against Singaporean girls marrying
foreigners or is it just you? Besides define "better", especially
in the case of having to hide any sort status just to "get" a
supposedly "better" guy; a truly good guy respects and likes a girl
for who she is. (Am I answering my own question here? heh)
how old are you ? I guess you havent seen whats it like outside
there, no offence though but i guess you are not into that age
group yet but when you do you will find that true love and all that
crap you see on tv doesnt exist especially with a local woman and
white guys at the end of the day its the hot sex that comes to mind
when you group this 2 together. Sorry it sounds harsh but thats
what i have seen alot of time.
And also, a previous post by the guy above, who seem to hate
westerners, makes me want to clear some misunderstandings asians
have of westerners, especially western males.
(Disclaimer: In case of there are extremely sensitive guys
reading this, I am not comparing the superiority of ethnics. I'm
merely stating what I have seen in life....so far.)
It is indeed extremely normal in many western countries to
divorce. In fact the majority of the Europeans around me have
either been divorced before, or are cohabitating with children from
each other, without being married. It's not because they have
something wrong with their values, it's just a different perception
of values.
However, most of them are extremely loyal to their partner if
they are in a committed relationship. They are much more faithful
than the Asian men and women I know, who appear to take such values
so importantly. The extra-marital affairs that I know of, are
mostly among Asian couples. Perhaps Europeans just officially
separate or divorce when the relationship fails, backstabbing their
partner with another man/woman isn't quite their thing. Sure there
are European men who go sexually astray occasionally, but the
concept of "a wife as a keep-at-home possession" along with "young,
roadside flowers for every-other-thing" isn't instilled in the
European culture like it is in some Asian culture. And also, a
western relationship is definitely not just about "hot sex" like
Kirin_Rider described. Western guys are in fact, extremely devoted,
sometimes so painfully sincere that they can be a little...suicidal
when the relationship fails. So girls have to be very tactful and
considerate when they are in a relationship with such a westerner.
A committed relationship is not a game to them.
Singaporeans also tend to have a misconception of Chinese (PRC)
men and women. But that's for another time.
