I was on the brink of obsession when I called the friendship
off. It was a difficult decision, but I wanted to retain my sanity,
honest but true. I don't want to destroy the friendship like a
crazy addict and I dun want to destroy my own goals and career over
this excuse. So yes, I was extremely inflexible and uptight and I
wouldn't blame anyone for my own follies. Friendship is pretty out
of the question now, unless a miracle happens.
In retrospective, I was probably obsessed more about a self
centered high from this experience rather than the lady herself. To
the point that I have treated it as an addiction rather than a true
relationship that I would have liked to have.
I have not fully recovered from this whole saga, in fact when i
saw a glimpse of her today, I feel sick in my stomach and my chest
hurts really badly. But I do know the importance of letting
go and moving on, just that it's not an easy journey from
there.
I had to fight the temptation to call her or message her. Doing
that would be taking a major step back. Just that fighting this
alone is tiring...
I wish I can forget. But it is human nature to remember. I
wish I was stronger.
TS, i will like to share a true story with you. its a long story
so please bear with me:
once upon a time, there was a guy who was good friends with this
gal... they started out as friends and click well together and
became close buddies, but nothing else. it was not a bf-gf
relationship...
they have a lot of good times together as causal friends.. go
makan, go shop, laugh and chat...
one day, the boy started to have other thoughts about this
relationship... he felt that everything was so right about this
relationship that they should maybe become more serious bf-gf...
the boy started to fall in love with her... everything about her
seem right... her laughter, her smile, her personality, their
common interests... it seems so logical to the boy that they should
be together
but unfortunately for the boy... when he tried to get serious,
the gal started to feel more and more uncomfortable... it was
obvious that the gal got the hints.. but it also became
obvious to the boy that the gal was acting blur to the hints and
refusing to go beyond their existing friendship
of course with one party pushing and theother party resisting,
their friendship start to suffer and start to fall apart.... the
boy realise that their times together were no longer the
same... the endless conversation they use to have was now replaced
with long moments of silence... the laughters were hardly there at
all... there were less and less smiles... instead he noticed the
pain and sadness in her eyes
the boy was also sad and filled with sorrow... he started to
feel sorry for himself.... and in fact in his mind and in his
heart, he started to blame the gal for not accepting him
then suddenly one day... the boy had a "nirvana" moment...
he was all by himself in the same cafe that both he and gal used to
hang out. Then he noticed another couple seated in the table
next to his... there was laughter from that table and he saw the
smiles and joy from the boy and gal next to him... he
started to visualise the couple's faces as his face and theother
gal's face, and the many happy moments they have in the
past..... it was at that moment that he realise what the problem
was
during their time together, he has grown more and more to love
her laughter and her smiles.... but the laughter and smile is no
longer there now... and he realise that the laughter and smile
was not because of him.. he was not the reason for her happiness!
her happiness was through the life she has then, which was with her
family and friends... friends like him....
the boy knew then what he had to do... in order to keep the
smile that he has grown to love, he has to let it go... because the
more if he were to try to keep it.. the more the smile will
disappear...
Naive Bayes... do you understand what this story means? i hope
you do and i hope that one day, you will find the smile that is
truely yours to keep
