What you say does make sense..I am gaining perspectives, but I
am still kind of stucked in that position. Though I understand that
only I can really heal the emotional wounds inside, I am not very
sure of the methodologies to cope with it. Perhaps, you could
elaborate or give some suggestions on how I can deal with the
internal festering wounds?
Sometimes I feel that it is more of gaining acceptence of myself
and trying to forgive myself, rather than to get the person to
forgive me. There were also times where I was afraid that there is
an underlying latent issue at the back of my head that is much more
serious.Sometimes, it could just be a case in which I simply think
too much.
So have I created an illusion that has been fooling my own
emotions all this while? If that is the case, how can I get my own
subconcience to accept it all.
I would like to break out of this, and share my experience with
everyone else. There are many people like me, who couldn't let go
and I would hope that my analysis of myself through here could give
pointers to the rest of the world out there.
To angel: Thanks to you too. Your sense of humour does raise my
spirits indirectly.
Recently, I have a number of cases who
asked me the same question - it is all good when
we give ourselves rational reasons why we
should/need to move on. It's all good really; just that
the problem arises only when our emotions fail
to move as fast as our mind and creates a discrepancy within
that revealed a huge distance gap that caused this
inconsistency.
Think about your emotion as the speed of driving
a truck and your mind as a sports
car. Sometimes, the more we push our mind to 'get
over and done with it' - it resulted in a
severe backlash and we relapse constantly because
both entities are basically travelling at
two extreme speed and there is minimum effort in
reconciling. Ultimately, both entities belong
to one body, so like it or not, you got to deal
with it.
Humans are ritualistic creatures - meaning, we sometimes
seek to exhibit irrational actions or behaviours in
enabling us for a closure or putting an end to
a particular chapter in our life. It is quite
evitable that you have yet to come in terms with the
way the circumstances has turn out for
you, thus understanding what it takes to bring you
to your eventual destination is pretty much critical for
you to move along.
There is a reason why I coin this as a 'ritual' because ritual
are purely human construct to symbolize certain experience. For
example, we perform funeral rites for people who are
dead - it acts as a form of closure. Obviously from a
scientific point of view, when a person's biological body
fails to function, the person is already
dead. The funeral, from a pure scientific view, is
a redundant act because the 'end' has already
ended.
Hence, what sort of 'ritual' do you need to
perform before the chapter can begin to close
gradually? You said self forgiveness - so what needs to
happen before self forgiveness can take place? If it means
doing 'seeming' stupid things like 'needing to say what
you need to say to her' - contrary to popular
belief, I would say just do it if you know it brings about
this effect, which is closer to your goal of achieving self
closure.
Take it easy when you approach the subject of
recovery because the pace of healing
is truly relative. It's normal to falter randomly
during recovery period - after all, these experiences are
there to let us learn something about love, so that we can
grow as a person. 
Cheers