I am married with a teenage daughter. I am not at all with
my hubby since years back. He is always giving priority to
his frds and family. If his frd or family and I were to make
an appt on the same day same time he will tell me he has to go out
with his frd or family .. and ask me to wait for the following
week. However, due to his shift work, he has only one
precious weekend every mth for us, and very often he give priority
to his frds and family instead of me and daughter.
4-5 years back I nearly divorce him due to travelling
plans. I have been wanting to go to Japan or Vietnam for
years, but every year he will tell me next year we will go and
every year he agree to wherever his family plan to go. Even the
place that i hated most China and Taiwan. He keep asking me
to wait for him to save up enough for my place but every time he
will spend his saving going to places I dont really want to
go. As our money are limited when we go to these other places
my Japan and Vietnam got to wait for another year. I was very
angry and after this last china trip with his family I said lets
divorce I am not willing to wait endlessly for the place i want to
go. Since his family do not support going to places that i
wanted to go i also have no interest to go back every week
too.
With this divorce, he suddenly has available cash to go Japan
with us .. just the 3 of us family. and asked me to put off
the divorce plan. and since then i havent been going back to
his family for all the occasions not even chinese new year.
Till now, none of the in law have ever called to asked me why..
they just treat as nothing happn so hubby 2 treat as ntg
happen..
recently, a married colleague expressed interest in me // and he
really treated me very well .. much better than my husband .. he
said he dont want anything bad to happen to me (while my hubby keep
saying if he is heaven he would like to let me be CHIAK LUK) i
initially tried to pull out of the relationship..but pulling out
had been rather difficult cos we get to see each other every day in
the office. I am now thinking whether to continue or to pull
out .. my brain say stop all these nonsense and my heart said go
for it
how?
You are skating on thin ice. Precariously
thin ice.
I can sense that you are lost because you are frustrated
with your marriage - being unappreciated by your husband whom
you thought that he wasn't making effort
to work on your marriage - and simultaneously,
you are faced with a pull factor of a man who has expressed his
interest in you. The only thing that is holding you back is
probably your daughter and perhaps the homeostasis
of being used to certain form of stability your marriage has
provided you - despite being unhappy about it.
Presenting choice might be attractive, but without understanding
the dimension of your real issue, it might turn out to be a form of
escapism... somewhat a crafty illusion that veil behind a
potential karmic relationship, which might lead to a domestic
tragedy (Afflicted Neptune/Saturn).
Why is it so?
Your intense frustration generates a powerful push
factor for you to accept the bait presented by this
man. This deal comes with a condition, in which I termed
it as an 'inability to commit'. It is not the problem of
a man being married (which is a moral statement), but rather,
it is a problem of a person who cannot provide you the
commitment you would need in long term to dissolve this
discontentment in your love life. For a period, he
probably functions as a paracetamol, addressing merely
the symptoms but nowhere near the cause.
What really happens from a graph's perspective lies
with the path of your deep anguish meeting the
path of his need for a company at point
X. The common factor is that both of
you cannot commit. As such, it seemed a lot easier for
cheating to happen because since there are some huge innate
dissatisfaction within, both of you would
probably unconsciously decide that it might seemed
'easier' to transgress than to work on your
respective issue with spouse.
Therefore,
your desire to flee may not be 'attraction' or 'love' but an
avenue for avoidance behaviour to cope with your
dissatisfaction in your marriage.
The shelving of issues in marriage would only seek to build
resentment and accumulate intense hatred that would shatter your
relationship into millions of fragmented glass pieces. By
then, it would be challenging to even want to do anything about it
because it would be so broken to try to mend anything.
From what I am seeing, communication lines are so damage
that there are actually much emotional underlying
current, even if the marriage appears to be
'surviving'. However, before making any decision/s
involving this married man, I suggest that you speak
to your husband about the reality of your marriage,
to such extend that if this fails, you might want to
seek a common agreement (and
willingness) on finding a marital counsellor if both
of you still wish to save/work on this marriage.
P.S: A common real problem is when the wife sees a problem to
their marriage, which contradict with their
man's thinking (or denying) that there is an
existing problem. This is a
classic communication breakdown
phenomenon. 
Cheers
