Hi all, so this is what is going on.
I have a elder sis, 8 years older than me. Got married when she
was 18 yr old with a man 8 years older than herself. so after 7
years, they divorce due to 3rd party intrude and the man is no good
himself. My sis gave birth to 2 kids from this marriage. 1 is now a
primary 2 school kid and one is still 2 yr old going to 3 yr
old.
In the past, when i was still younger, from primary 5 onwards, i
started to help out in looking after her kids. until last year when
things turned ugly. She had always see herself as someone very
impt, and there is nothing more impt than her. she likes to ask for
help from her family and then after helping her out, she will turn
her back off and return to her normal arrogant self.
I was bullied by my bro and her since young, often get beatings
for no apparent reason. I tried to kill myself when i was primary 4
as life is very tough for me for everyday i will get beatings and
my head banged against the wall. My mum works overseas during that
time and my dad often not at home. I was afraid of them that time
as they would threaten me with horrible things. I sank into
depression and eventually everything came alight when I couldn't
bear the stress anymore. I went for counselling. But i have
communication problem, i was extremely quiet and was quite
autistic. However when in front of my friends, I am no diff from
any other kids. So, after some time i was freed from these
physical torturmentation.
However, the mental tormentation still stayed. When her baby
come into this world, I was not spared. I need to rush home
everyday and help out. Until secondary school, i took care of her
kids. As i am a fat person, i often get insults from her whenever
she feels that i am not doing a good job. i was stupid that time. i
had zero appreciation from her.
Last year, during her divorcing she moved her whole family into
our flat. But she herself stayed on in her own flat. she gave
excuses like she needs a person to watch over her family. But i was
having my O level examination, so my after discussion she n my mum
decided to get a maid. But it turned out it was a bad choice becoz
the maid was lazy and even threaten to jump off building when i
scolded her. She caused alot of wounds n bruises on my niece and i
flared up. But instead, i got scoldings from my sis. She blamed me
for everything, all her misery, i was part of it. and her true
thoughts abt me came off shooting from her mouth.
She lashed at me saying: Not only you looked like a pig but you
act like one too. And she carry on commenting abt my looks and my
life, saying i have no life and little friends. And she would like
to see how i can survive when i am out in the society. i was
insulted n ridiculed. My mum was present that day, but she kept
quiet. I felt very indignant for myself.
I had always been low self esteem until recent years where i
begin to mature and know more abt life. I may be fat and not much
of a looker, but do i deserve that from my own family? Many
times i wanted to question my mum, why? I had no life becoz of
their ridiculous doings. do i derserve that??? but i know its
not gonna solve the prob bcoz my elder sis will use her kids as
trump card to get everything her way.
I now have to retake my O level exams as private candidate becoz
i couldn't study well last year. I wasted so much of my youthful
years to help her out, but in the end i get nothing in return
except insults and zero appreciation.
When it comes to kids, old people can do anything for their
sake. I now decided not to be stupid and further add to my own
misery. But, my mum was so smart. Knowing it was Vesak day, a day
where my mood is good. she implemented a task on me, it is to help
my sis again. I refused, knowing it was never ending and it would
again affect my studies and personal improvement. I gave her a
black face. She told me 没有办法...etc... I didn't speak.
Why the heck should i help her? there is a limit to helping
people. anyway its her kids, not mine. How the hell is it my fault
if she cannot manage her time well and juggle her household? she
choose this path herself and i see no reason to suffer with
her.
I hate people like her, who uses kids as trump cards. (I am not
against the kids)
It doesn't mean you are older, you are more matured in your
thinking. Some people just never grow up. Single parenting is not
an excuse to be unreasonable. moreover you choose to be one
yourself.
Seems like you already know what you want do for yourself and
nothing else for you family.
You have already condemned your family to Hell in your topic
post, why do you need us to give you further support for you to cut
off all your obligations towards your family?
Is it because you are also aware that what you were planning to
do is a bad thing to do to your OWN FAMILY?
Did you Mum also lashed out at you or mistreated you like you're
not one of her own daughters?
Do you think your decision not to help your sister is something
that would makes your Mum happy?
It's sad enough for your Mother to see one insensible daughter
misbehaving and lost in her own path in life. Do you really want
your Mother to witness the other daughter to be insensible and bear
hatred for her sister too?
Do you really love your Mum and your family or do you really
just love yourself the most?
Is revenge really so important for you right now?
Why didn't you defend yourself and talk back at your sister when
you were insulted/humiliated by her?
If you choose to keep quiet because you were a coward and afraid
because you were young or because that's not your character to talk
back, then so be it and let it go since it has already happened so
long ago.
You can be the different and better daughter to your Mum, it's
up to you to make that decision and stick to it for the sake of
yourself.
And when you have daughters of your own in the future, you will
probably laugh over them inside your hearts for what had happened
to you in your past between you and your sister.
Be graceful and gracious, and I don't mind if you are twisted
and angry at the retarded people in this forums once in a while.
But be graceful and gracious in your real world and be KIND to
yourself.
There are greater pain waiting for you in the future
if you choose not to let this pain go.
