Hi all, so this is what is going on.
I have a elder sis, 8 years older than me. Got married when she
was 18 yr old with a man 8 years older than herself. so after 7
years, they divorce due to 3rd party intrude and the man is no good
himself. My sis gave birth to 2 kids from this marriage. 1 is now a
primary 2 school kid and one is still 2 yr old going to 3 yr
old.
In the past, when i was still younger, from primary 5 onwards, i
started to help out in looking after her kids. until last year when
things turned ugly. She had always see herself as someone very
impt, and there is nothing more impt than her. she likes to ask for
help from her family and then after helping her out, she will turn
her back off and return to her normal arrogant self.
I was bullied by my bro and her since young, often get beatings
for no apparent reason. I tried to kill myself when i was primary 4
as life is very tough for me for everyday i will get beatings and
my head banged against the wall. My mum works overseas during that
time and my dad often not at home. I was afraid of them that time
as they would threaten me with horrible things. I sank into
depression and eventually everything came alight when I couldn't
bear the stress anymore. I went for counselling. But i have
communication problem, i was extremely quiet and was quite
autistic. However when in front of my friends, I am no diff from
any other kids. So, after some time i was freed from these
physical torturmentation.
However, the mental tormentation still stayed. When her baby
come into this world, I was not spared. I need to rush home
everyday and help out. Until secondary school, i took care of her
kids. As i am a fat person, i often get insults from her whenever
she feels that i am not doing a good job. i was stupid that time. i
had zero appreciation from her.
Last year, during her divorcing she moved her whole family into
our flat. But she herself stayed on in her own flat. she gave
excuses like she needs a person to watch over her family. But i was
having my O level examination, so my after discussion she n my mum
decided to get a maid. But it turned out it was a bad choice becoz
the maid was lazy and even threaten to jump off building when i
scolded her. She caused alot of wounds n bruises on my niece and i
flared up. But instead, i got scoldings from my sis. She blamed me
for everything, all her misery, i was part of it. and her true
thoughts abt me came off shooting from her mouth.
She lashed at me saying: Not only you looked like a pig but you
act like one too. And she carry on commenting abt my looks and my
life, saying i have no life and little friends. And she would like
to see how i can survive when i am out in the society. i was
insulted n ridiculed. My mum was present that day, but she kept
quiet. I felt very indignant for myself.
I had always been low self esteem until recent years where i
begin to mature and know more abt life. I may be fat and not much
of a looker, but do i deserve that from my own family? Many
times i wanted to question my mum, why? I had no life becoz of
their ridiculous doings. do i derserve that??? but i know its
not gonna solve the prob bcoz my elder sis will use her kids as
trump card to get everything her way.
I now have to retake my O level exams as private candidate becoz
i couldn't study well last year. I wasted so much of my youthful
years to help her out, but in the end i get nothing in return
except insults and zero appreciation.
When it comes to kids, old people can do anything for their
sake. I now decided not to be stupid and further add to my own
misery. But, my mum was so smart. Knowing it was Vesak day, a day
where my mood is good. she implemented a task on me, it is to help
my sis again. I refused, knowing it was never ending and it would
again affect my studies and personal improvement. I gave her a
black face. She told me 没有办法...etc... I didn't speak.
Why the heck should i help her? there is a limit to helping
people. anyway its her kids, not mine. How the hell is it my fault
if she cannot manage her time well and juggle her household? she
choose this path herself and i see no reason to suffer with
her.
I hate people like her, who uses kids as trump cards. (I am not
against the kids)
It doesn't mean you are older, you are more matured in your
thinking. Some people just never grow up. Single parenting is not
an excuse to be unreasonable. moreover you choose to be one
yourself.
reading TS's original post, i think yr sis is probably
frustrated herself with her life. being married at 18 years,
getting divorce, kids, single parent. she never really had
the chance to "grow up" gradually. she had to "mature"
quickly and step into the shoes of a mother and wife at a young
tender age of 18. how old is she now ? she's probably
still learning to cope ??
nevertheless it's not right for her and yr mum to impose their
misery onto you. you also should not let them affect your
well-being and yr chances of succeeding in life, although i
understand it is difficult not to be affected when you live
together.
the way to help them is to do well yourself. get out of
the karmic trap of your family instead of being sucked into the
collective karma of the family. family members, if they are
not so wise, will drag other family members down with them when
they are entrenched in their own problems. at the end of the
day, the boat sink together and no one is any better. this could be
resistance that you are facing as you desire a better life for
yourself.
so keep a cool head. help when you can. look at yr
sis with compassionate eyes (to reduce the feeling of resentment
and anger towards her). meantime, keep working on doing well
yourself :) remember you can bring greater benefit when you
are a success and doing well.
