Hi there,
Have you been with a guy who is older than you, but you feel
like he is really just a boy inside in terms of mentality,
behaviour, etc? It is tiring because you find yourself teaching him
things, tolerating him, and even have to take care of his
ego!
I am 27. He is 30. We are of a marriage age, but we can't
because he is not 'old' enough to plan and action. What worst is he
will fight with me constantly even in public. I am tortured
mentally, as I am so afraid to be humiliated by him in public, at
home in front of my family (I dun wan my family to worry about me)
and I have to keep things in my heart.
On the extreme side, he messed things up when he is pissed,
rolled on the floor when he lost control and do all kind of
ridiculous actions to get your attention?
What would you do?
Don't think that # age = maturity level. There are plenty
of 50 year old who still behaves like a baby. AKA adult kids.
Maturity is gained through pain and exposures to
adversities.
If your man grew up in a sheltered environment and mommy-ed his
whole life... there's 90% he's an ADULT KID.
His professional status does not equate to high level of
maturity. Even a VP will stomp out of a meeting like a little boy
who didn't get his way.
Counselling ain't gonna change him, YOU CAN.
As his partner, you are his "trainer". How you respond/react to
his tantrums will determine how he treats you.
Surely, his childish behavior doesn't happen overnight. Has it
been like this SINCE the beginning of the relationship ? or was it
recently his transgression became worst ?
He wants to behave like a child, then treat him like one. Any
counsellor will tell you not to reward bad behavior.
When a child misbehaves, tell him he is "misbehaving like a
child", give him a " Time out" and walk away.. ignore him.
Let him know that you'll only discuss the matter with him when he
is ready talk to you like an ADULT.
When he realize his bad behavior ain't getting him anything, let
alone your attention, he'd learn to stop.
If he tries to counter your tactic by giving you the cold
shoulder longer than you, simply leave him alone and go enjoy
your life WITHOUT him. He'll realize what he's missing out when he
behaves like a big bad baby.
When he ask from you nicely and treat you with respect, reward
him. Positive re-enforcements work, even with an adult kid.
They'll learn.. like a little puppy.
But after you've done what you can and it ain't working for you,
then it's time you move on. Perhaps through the hardship of
breaking up and losing something dear to him, only will he gain
maturity.
However, I'd like to remind you that, a certain level of
"childishness" in a man helps make it easier for him to connect and
bond with your children.