i had a pair of free tickets to Gold Class movie this evening
and had arranged to watch it with hubby 2 wks ago. all today I
assumed that it was at Great World.We had a mini fight earlier in
the day but patched up, then just before going out, we had a mini
fight again which made me angry. So my mind was distracted.
He told to check my email to confirm the time and venue and I
did, but was distracted when I was in my mailbox. In my mind i was
pretty sure that it was at great world. When i was downstairs and
got into the car, he once again asked whether I was sure of the
venue. Anyway when we arrived,the venue was wrong. I called my
contact and found out that it was the wrong cinema. He was soo
angry that he refused to speak to me and wanted to go back
immediately. He said I wasted his time, energy and he said what
made him most furious is how such things keep on happening for the
past 2 years and he had told me to check and asked me whether I was
sure of the venue and how I actually had the hp no. of the guy I
could have just easily called the person before we left.
I pleaded with him and tried to placate him but he refused to
listen, he even told me to make my own plans for the next day (Sun)
even though I had taken leave on Sun to spend the day with
him..
I kept trying to pacify him but he would not budge. I cried and
cried my eyes out. He told me that he is sick of me always screwing
up in my life, and he said i am irresponsible which causes screw
ups like this and that I'm always giving him trouble and when I
tried to pacify him asking him to forgive me and not be angry
anymore, he kept telling me to f*** off repeatedly.. I cried and
cried and my eyes were completely swollen..I told him I would never
screw up again,
What should i do? I feel so heartbroken. I feel like a most
useless piece of junk. I dun think i deserve him or deserve any
happiness. I feel God didnt make me so incompetent and such a screw
up.
The past 2 years of dissatisfactions seemed to have boiled over,
with the kettle's whistle screaming from the steam
evolved.
Every mistake remembered, every quarrel surfaced, every
bitterness floats up, In that adrenaline charged emotion called
anger, rationality, love, caution, compromises, sacred oaths of
allegience and tender promises thrown to the wind and forgotten,
replaced with words that will only be regretted once morning comes
and calmness returns, when blood flows steadily back to
normal....
....but unfortunately words that once uttered, can NEVER be ever
forgotten again, to be used once anger rises, as it would
throughout one's journey of life with another.
There will only be more quarrels to come, which both of you must
be prepared and learn to expect, but never to ever
forget your vows to each other no matter how terrible the fight of
words will be, and to patch up once again once temper cool
down.
There is no more that I can say, that could be understood by you
in your present state of mind, except for you to wipe your tears
away now, and let not your imagination run wild with being
incompetent and that your marriage is on the rocks. It never was.
This was just another mistake anyone will make, a lesson to be
learnt, and awaiting compromising solutions when morning
comes...
Goodnight and sleep well.
