How could you?

maxsee SG

Can't believe that u have been thru such relationship twice in a row...i remember that i used to be in a similar situation...one thing for sure i learn....once love is gone it is gone....just got to move on....no point begging her or watsoever.....u only degrade urself in her eyes.......dun take her seriously anymore.....if she wants to go let her go.....ghosh...not like there is only one pebble on the beach......u wun die being single......><"

strum SG

i know 100% how u are feeling.

few months ago,i was in your shoe.

like yours,we promised each other everything. telling the other that we will never ever leave for another. showing much love than i did imagined in the beginning. we lived quite a distance,yet,we always managed to overcome it somehow. everything was pefect and beautiful. we gave each other love and attention whenever the other wanted. we did EVERYTHING a married couple could possibly did. everything was bliss.

then it begins,the lies.
it was minor,yet,i did told her in the beginning not to.
i have trust issues.
there was once i found out she was lying. i stomped out of her house angrily. she followed me and begged for forgiveness. times and times again,i forgave her.

then came this new guy who she gets to know in school. he liked her. he know very well she has a bf,yet he could do this kinda thing and put his toes into our relationship. any decent guy wouldnt had did this knowingly. i told her that he isnt a good guy. he didnt care bout any of our feelings. i thought she was stronger from all the things she told me previously. yet i was wrong. things start to fall even further between us....

it's funny how this world works.

the dreams in which u're dying are the best u ever had.

i learned not to give 100% to whichever relationship u are in.

i learned there's no such thing as perfection.

i learned there's assholes around who go up breaking others.

i learned that fidelity's overrated in this age.

well,i just blame myself for knowing her.
yes love shldnt be resentful but thinking bout wat happened,i wouldnt call this love.

good luck to all of us :)

soleachip SG

ur welcome .

to vent it all out is only human, but when u're done, do decide what u want. if u're sure she's the right one for u, what's the harm in seeking reconciliation? it's ur right to pursue what u want. if u r the best for her and u know it better than she does, prep urself up, get ur act together n win her back asap. with the right timing and patience plus luck, u still have chance de lar.

if u decide to move along, then just like what they suggested, put i will survive on repeat mode. be done with all that romantic projection about love, be done with the hurt and ur goodbyes, exchange all items and cease contact forever. don't think about her, don't talk about her, don't see her. u'll move on soon enough. we're human, genetically programmed to evolve, change and move on mentally/physically.

chin up dude.

zeroplasma SG

thank you all. i waking up today, stopped sighing, and suddenly realized that today is a good day.

once i stop sighing and feeling sorry for myself, many things turned out to be better.

this is a great board with helpful individuals. thank you all again for the replies and private messages, you are true credit to this helpful board. please keep up the great work for anyone in the future that might need help.

novelltie SG

hey, this version of "i will survive" by Cake is not too bad. thanks soleachip. both versions have their own focus so zeroplasma, download both and put them in replay mode...

it got me through some of my break-ups and it is a very "powerful" song to motivate your day... another song i'll recommend is Robbie Williams - "No Regrets". if the break up left you with a bitter taste listen to this... channel anguish into anger and convert anger into energy...

anger is a very powerful force... but use it wisely and carefully, you have a source of abundant energy.

ƒlame SG

I sense HardShot

gikiwiki SG

boy, keep some pride... stop crying in front of her; it only shows her how "weak" you are. i'm not here to bash you, seriously i'm not.

i've been through so many relationships and at the age of 28, i can sincerely tell you that women will deem you weak the moment you "beg" them to stay. if you cry when your pet dog dies, they will see you as a sensitive guy. if you cry when watching Braveheart got beheaded for the sake of freedom, they will see you as an affectionate person but the moment you cry begging them to stay, you are off the macho man list.

i know the desire of being loved and returning love is great in you but you have to let her go and show her that you can live better off without her. you are in your final year? good; don't lose focus.

she is as good as gone... make that decision, DUMP her and move on. she is not asking you to give her up completely cos' she wants you as a spare tire if the circumstances calls for it. don't be the spare tire. you are definitely worth more than that. so listen to "i will survive" and delete that name off your phone, delete those SMSs and delete her profile from MSN or even Facebook. move on, show her that you are going to "live" without her and stick by it. in time, who knows? she might realise that you are truly the one only nice to her. by then, you might already be long gone from her radar.

dump dump dump

you write so assertively. who are u to advise as such when u heck know the other person in his story ?

i know of some folks with hidden agenda. my fren kenna before. TS - be wary of voices in forums

novelltie SG

dump dump dump

you write so assertively. who are u to advise as such when u heck know the other person in his story ?

i know of some folks with hidden agenda. my fren kenna before. TS - be wary of voices in forums

hi gikiwiki,

precisely that we do not know TS nor the gal in the story that's why we have an objective view of the situation.

what hidden agenda do we have? so that he can move on and have a more fulfilling life? isn't that what we wish TS to have? she is holding him back and with the information TS gave to us, we conclude that she is "poison" and not good for him thus our advices are to get out while he still can and move on.

your friends kena what? bad advices? what we are offering are only advices but if TS feels our advices are not right, he is free to choose not to listen too. if he feels we are right and decide to let go of this burden and be free, we are more than happy. one less suicide case to be anguished about.

gigabyte14 SG

i give u this very useful advice

never let the girl climb to ur head

and nvr climb to the girl's head

equal footing

get my drift yo?

guys shed blood, not tears also

cry for what?

gikiwiki SG

hi gikiwiki,

precisely that we do not know TS nor the gal in the story that's why we have an objective view of the situation.

i tell u one true story, ok..

a couple (guy + gal) is broken up by 3rd party (gal 2). both 3 of them are forumnites of same forum.

guy seeks advice in forum what he should do about the relationship problem. gal-2 infiltrates forum as clones and gives single-sided prejudiced advice asking guy to break off with his gal. bad-mouthing and back-stabbing the gal. this is what i call hidden agenda.

so to all forumnites seeking advice, pls use your brain and judgment to avoid being psychoed by any ill-intentioned people.

Vyzhyn SG

Frankly, rather than offering to change yourself for the sake of a girl will only take away the things she once found attractive about you in the first place. People say women want cash, car, condo and shit like that, but the one thing they need, which we have, but hardly ever use is: balls. As mentioned before, there's a difference between being sensitive, and being weak. Being thoughtful and being despo.

Everytime you feel sad that she left, come to this forum, go to the sggirls section and look at the worthless losers asking underage girls PMs, MSNs, Facebooks and random chats. And understand that at the very least, you're better than them, and you can always be better than what you are right now.

No one's saying you can get over it in the blink of an eye. But you have to do it eventually.

RHluvW SG

TS,

reading your story makes me cringe. It's quite easy for an outsider to tell that your relationships are all typical symptoms of a failing r/s. Instead of treating the symptoms, why not treat the root of the disease? What do women want? They want men. Real men. Not men who cry or admit they will cry so the woman will stay. Come on, do not ever change yourself for the sake of a woman. It's the wussiest thing a man can ever do. She said: "You are possessive". You can say:"Oh yeah. Im only scratching the surface here. If you are not happy, you can leave." There's a time to stand up for yourself. If you can't even stand up for yourself, how else is she going to trust you to protect her in future? There's a reason why women like bad boys and I think it's because these so-called bad boys stand up for themselves.

They want men who have a sense of purpose and direction in life. Perhaps it's time to think through what you want in your life and what are your values. How strong is your sense of worth? For a man who lost his sense of self-worth and direction because of a woman will ultimately lose the attraction of a woman. You are born as a man and you live the earth with dignity and grace...ie self-respect. tsk

Look, some people will tell you not to give your all in a r/s. I beg to differ. It depends on your values. I can love and respect women but I expect no bullshit from them. I love to give them dirty sex and unconditional love but I expect no crap from them. That's the difference. It's the same when you deal with people in general. Most people will try to test your limits. Again, it's not about women. All these problems cropping up are actually a test of your strength. Does a lion allow the lioness mess with him? Are you going to stand and die or fight back? I choose the latter.

Allow me to tell you this: the day you decide you know what you want and what you deserve, you won't be posting in the forum anymore.

my 2 cents.

gikiwiki SG

TS, i don't know u but yr story is similar to a friend of mine. let me narrate here the advice i gave him, perhaps u might find it useful -

the problem with my friend is, he is stuck in between 2 girls - his ex and his current gf. while he wants to move on with the current gf, the ex doesn't let him go and invades their lives. one day calling, msn, emailing him. he claims he treats the ex as his friend only, yet openly in front of the current gf, she tells him she loves him and asks for chance to patch back. any sane girlfriend would get mad, won't you, TS if you are in a similar position ?

what gets the current gf fuming mad is, the bf doesn't get it and thinks she is possessive, jealous and tries to control his life. the ex gf and his so-called friends abets this by suggesting that this is indeed what the current gf is doing. when confronted to clarify his stance in front of the two girls, he stuck his tail in between his legs and ran for cover. he didn't dare face it, going back to his wishy-washy style, leaving the ex-gf with false hopes and the current gf disappointed, hurt and looking at his silence as an admission of guilt.

you are right, vyzhn and rhluvw - he has NO BALLS. all along, that is his style. undecisive, wanting to get the best of both worlds, seeking to be nice all the time when it is clear that nicety doesn't work. if he is firm and specific, why would the ex still think she has a chance ?

given the circumstances, the current gf has every right to feel the way she feels. if he is clear, specific and decisive, everyone knows what is happening, and why would she feel the way ? he is not tackling the root of the problem.

well, most recent update is that the bf is calling it quits. he has no balls to face it. he is running. blames it all on the current gf *clap clap*

my personal belief is - tell and live the truth. let your yes be yes, let your no be no. living the truth gives one moral strength. being nice and trying to mince words makes u look a refined individual, but overtime when u edit your thoughts too much, and try to appease everyone, u'll grow weak on yr knees and don't know who u are. u may not agree, but it's my personal experience.

soleachip SG

TS,

Look, some people will tell you not to give your all in a r/s. I beg to differ. It depends on your values. I can love and respect women but I expect no bullshit from them. I love to give them dirty sex and unconditional love but I expect no crap from them. That's the difference. It's the same when you deal with people in general. Most people will try to test your limits. Again, it's not about women. All these problems cropping up are actually a test of your strength. Does a lion allow the lioness to mess with him? Are you going to stand and die or fight back? I choose the latter.

Allow me to tell you this: the day you decide you know what you want and what you deserve, you won't be posting in the forum anymore.

my 2 cents.

i find ur views about women liking bad boys and the fact that it's wrong to change urself for the sake of a woman somewhat skewed and very old school.

novelltie SG

i find ur views about women liking bad boys and the fact that it's wrong to change urself for the sake of a woman somewhat skewed and very old school.

er... no offence to the general youth but nowadays, i find that the younger generation male are very sissy. either they dressed like gals or they are so vain, you wonder if they are male...

i'm 28 and i'm old school but i have changed myself for the sake of my wife... literally;

i used to have a very very bad temper (reason could be i came from a abusive family; father takes his belt and whack the pee out of me) and initially, i was very mean to her; losing my temper for the slightest reason but one day; i realised that my anger is driving her away. well, i had to change or else risk losing her forever thus i signed up for anger management at IMH and now though i still do lose my temper at times, it is very much controlled than the past...

MPS_Angels SG

We talked our future, planned our path to be together, but she suddenly turned cold. Told me I was being too possessive, I said fine, like I promised you, I would change anything for you. But then it was never the same again.

Every time I asked her to give me an answer,that it's ok for her to take more time to accept me, I am willing to wait, but for god's sake dont be so cold to me, She would just stop chatting completely, and told me not to be so "emo". She can't tell me to totally give her up, but she wouldnt let me be with her either, there is never any definite answer.

Just told me to not be too emo. I cried, she just casually said dont be too emo.

I really dont know what she is thinking. If she's testing my patience, why cant be a little bit ore friendly to me? Why must...be so..chatting with me whenever she feels like it, and completely unresponsive whenever she dont feel like chatting?

I cant call her, cause she never wanna talk about it, and not answering at all.

I chose to wait, in the hope that someday, out of her coldness, the warmth that we once shared will resurface again...i really hope so..

Some girls are afraid of "sticky" man, I have a friend that is so afraid of being alone...I remember she had so many boyfriends but there was this particular boyfriend whom she likes very much and spends all his time sticking to her...she starts retreating away...and broke off with him....

Her boyfriend cried and went to her and begged her to stay with him...she told me she did not like sissy guys...Sorry but I myself cannot imagine the guy having tatooed all over his body going to her and cried and asked her to stay...that might be what turned her away more....frankly speaking girls do not like guys who cries...(I can accept those that cries while watching touching or emotional shows though...)

Oh ya when my friend is bored...she will seek that that guy (her ex...) to chat and then when she feels better or when she has others to keep her company...she will just ignore the calls from that guy...

My advise will be to stay away from such people...No doubt my dear friend is a nice girl...but having this kind of attitude towards another is very hurtful...maybe she can't help it...she has already gotten bored...its her character...and her attitude towards relationship...some just cannot commit...No point waiting...

soleachip SG

er... no offence to the general youth but nowadays, i find that the younger generation male are very sissy. either they dressed like gals or they are so vain, you wonder if they are male...

i'm 28 and i'm old school but i have changed myself for the sake of my wife... literally;

fashion sense like skinny pants or flowy fringe is fine. they toughen up in NS and eventually outgrow these things. plucking eyebrows though is another thing. thinly plucked eyebrows for males are just odd.

what i meant by old school was the classic concept that love is a battlefield or the only place to be in a relationship is the driver's seat. to quote RHIuvw "I love to give them ***** *** and unconditional love but I expect no crap from them."

" Does a lion allow the lioness mess with him? Are you going to stand and die or fight back?"

he's leaving no room for empathy. not even on a bad day. woe be his woman or partner.

hey glad u're aware of ur past and in control of ur emotions. *pat pat*

Mybluemoon SG

i think lots of people have similar experiences. if you dun wanna get hurt, dont go into relationships. i, too have learnt my lesson.

bl1995cy SG

I've just skim through your post, i suggest you talk things out with her. If you feel that there is no point in going on, maybe you should break up. Possibly, quit smoking, its not worth it.

@Mybluemoon- Agreed

RHluvW SG

i find ur views about women liking bad boys and the fact that it's wrong to change urself for the sake of a woman somewhat skewed and very old school.

No it's not that you should not change. I mean change for the BETTER for yourself not for worse. Change to seek better relationships with people. Change the way you talk to women. A lot of times, people can give you crap even though you are being nice. I seek self-respect. If people are giving you nonsense, I know I will stay away from them.

That's why I believe very strongly in knowing who you are as a person and what you stand for. You can't please everyone like how you think my opinions are skewed or old school, whatever that means. An opinion is just an opinion, nothing more than that. If you have enemies because of what you believe in, great. To me, it means you believe firmly in yourself and your values. I don't think it's old-school or what not.

Back to the topic, I don't believe in changing yourself for the woman's fancies if the goal is to keep the woman. After all, every woman is different. Do you expect yourself to keep changing like a chameleon to entertain her? If she wants to leave, let her go. She's not for you. I can always find another one. No need to worry. I believe in being myself alone is enough and complete. I believe in true appreciation for women and making them feel wanted but never begging for their attention or approval. True appreciation, honesty, an open heart and no bullshit. That's what I strongly believe in. Generally, I agree very much with novelltie's post, especially on our current generation male mindset.

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