Haizzzz--Helpless

Mr Milo SG

Even the ever happy Mr Milo (me) also got problem....

I have been trying to help this girl whom i got to know in a part time course.

She is very emo, sensitive and insecure. She is also a straight forward person.

When she got problem with something and need help, she will always de-grade herself and keep saying she create problem....WTH....

When i see this, i will state from facts and feedback from fellow classmates that she did not cause problems and there is nothing wrong with her....yet she insists she has!

Up till now, it has happened more than twice and each time i have to coax her.....

i asked her why she like that and she told me she always kanna backstab by people ever since she step into singapore.

i tried asking her to talk about it one by one but she refused.

Seriously, i am out of ideas on how to help her conquer her fear of being backstab or hurt....from the replies she gives, it must have hurt a lot..

Anyone, any ideas or thoughts or whatever, help.....haizzz....stomps his feet.

FireIce SG

from where one?

Mr Milo SG

she from JB...23yrs old

MythosLogos SG

Are you sure she's not feeding off your emotions and attention? I have similar friend like this before, in the end when I couldn't manage anymore and wanted to refer her to a Social Counsellor as I think that's what's best for her (since I'm not trained in Psychology) she refused the offer and now I heard she's doing perfectly fine.

Cool.Sardine SG

Even the ever happy Mr Milo (me) also got problem....

I have been trying to help this girl whom i got to know in a part time course.

She is very emo, sensitive and insecure. She is also a straight forward person.

When she got problem with something and need help, she will always de-grade herself and keep saying she create problem....WTH....

When i see this, i will state from facts and feedback from fellow classmates that she did not cause problems and there is nothing wrong with her....yet she insists she has!

Up till now, it has happened more than twice and each time i have to coax her.....

i asked her why she like that and she told me she always kanna backstab by people ever since she step into singapore.

i tried asking her to talk about it one by one but she refused.

Seriously, i am out of ideas on how to help her conquer her fear of being backstab or hurt....from the replies she gives, it must have hurt a lot..

Anyone, any ideas or thoughts or whatever, help.....haizzz....stomps his feet.

Gals like that need to have a strong sense of security to be able to open up and talk, i think you need some time to gain her trust before she will open up to share with you and accept your help. Because now she may be thinking that you will or may also back stab her one day. Give her more time and patience is all you need. I believe slowly she will know that you truly want to help her and she will eventually aceept your kindness and speak up to tell you her problems.

Mr Milo SG

Are you sure she's not feeding off your emotions and attention? I have similar friend like this before, in the end when I couldn't manage anymore and wanted to refer her to a Social Counsellor as I think that's what's best for her (since I'm not trained in Psychology) she refused the offer and now I heard she's doing perfectly fine.

You mean she keep saying things that are not true and in the end i end up having to coax her....

anyway, she can be quite fun to be with when she is not emo

Mr Milo SG

Gals like that need to have a strong sense of security to be able to open up and talk, i think you need some time to gain her trust before she will open up to share with you and accept your help. Because now she may be thinking that you will or may also back stab her one day. Give her more time and patience is all you need. I believe slowly she will know that you truly want to help her and she will eventually aceept your kindness and speak up to tell you her problems.

you mean be patient....almost 5 months since i know her liao

what you say also what i conclude myself.

but she also very busy with work....i wonder how she manage to cope....

MythosLogos SG

There's alot of possibilities. She might have really gone through a bad phrase in life, but instead of picking herself up she keeps drowning in sorrows and wants you to pity her, that's feeding off your attention. My friend did exactly that and when I told her I can't mange her anymore (when she gets more and more emo) to the point of wanting to end her life I told her that I will give the social counsellor her number since she refuse outside help then *spoof* she suddenly disappear from my life. I'm not saying your friend is exactly like my friend but you be your own judge, it's good to help others but make sure you are emotionally prepared as well, somtimes it can really drain you out.

Mr Milo SG

i also wonder how she interact with her friends and family if she like that....

deep inside, i know she got a bright side of her that wants to come out and replace the sad one that everyone sees now

Cool.Sardine SG

you mean be patient....almost 5 months since i know her liao

what you say also what i conclude myself.

but she also very busy with work....i wonder how she manage to cope....

If she is a true case, i mean she's truely troubled, unlike the case MythosLogos mentioned, then i think you need to be patient, if you truly want to help her, you need time, not easy for her to trust someone again. if you be patient, she will slowly realise your sincerity and after u gain her trust, she will surely open up and share with you her problems. If she really kana back stab many times in the past, she will lose trust in everyone, as she fear to be back stab again. That's why not easy for her to trust someone again and speak up. She may be keeping herself occupied with loads of work to prevent herself from thinkng too much, otherwise, she will end up fearing all her colleagues too.

I used to have a female friend, she also nice to hang out with, but sometimes very emo as she think of her past relationship, she was suffering from depression. Now she is perfectly fine after many years of support from friends, family and medical help.

I hope if your friend is a true case, be patient and help her. You two may end up becoming good friends, like me & my female friend.

MythosLogos SG

What if the next time you meet her just don't talk about her "problems", just pretend you don't even know she has problems and talk something else instead? If you sense she's starting to want to confide in you or becoming emo again, make some quick excuse to excuse yourself? If she gets really emo, suggest referring her to a social counsellor?

Cool.Sardine SG

There's alot of possibilities. She might have really gone through a bad phrase in life, but instead of picking herself up she keeps drowning in sorrows and wants you to pity her, that's feeding off your attention. My friend did exactly that and when I told her I can't mange her anymore (when she gets more and more emo) to the point of wanting to end her life I told her that I will give the social counsellor her number since she refuse outside help then *spoof* she suddenly disappear from my life. I'm not saying your friend is exactly like my friend but you be your own judge, it's good to help others but make sure you are emotionally prepared as well, somtimes it can really drain you out.

Agree.... Helping a friend like that can sometimes drain you out.... You have to prepare yourself emotionally to go all the way.... She can become very dependent on you and suddenly you realise you become very important to her emotionally.... If you dun handle in well, you will end up have problems yourself....

»¤ Liquified ¤« ... SG

i had a friend like that once, i gave up cus im not good at helping girls who are very insecure about themselves, who even talking about death occasionally o.0

i pretty much regret not being able to help her tru her problems till now, so i wish you good luck!

btw, drink some cold milo ah! it cures everything x3

Cool.Sardine SG

"btw, drink some cold milo ah! it cures everything x3"

Hahaha..... xD

dalim1966sg SG

Get her laid and i assure you she will be feeling better.

Mr Milo SG

Get her laid and i assure you she will be feeling better.

WTH....this is playing with explosives, let me tell you

ItchyArmpit SG

tell u what... i got a friend like ur friend lidat too... after 2 months she tell me, ah just kidding actually i dun have these problems.... *poof* suddenly a wall harder than diamond had been form in my heart that this person is a monster...

careful... ur friend MIGHT, NOT WILL, MIGHT only.. ur friend might be the same species as my friend... good luck...

~N3RD~ SG

Why her problem become your problem?

Your friend same as a female friend of mine...

Damn sensitive, insecure and emo...

But she's irritating~

MythosLogos SG

One thing I learn is to keep emo people as far away as possible, emo people tend to hold on to their past bad experiences and not let go and expect people to pity on them as if we ourselves have no past bad experiences. If they see you responding to their "sad story" they will try to be more emo to gain your attention and pity as times goes by. If you stop responding they might get angry and threaten suicide and stuffs and tell you they feel "helpless" until you show them the attention and pity they expect from you again. The best way to help is to encourage at a limit and let go when it's time to. If you feel that you can't cope anymore refer him/her to the professional counsellors.

Mr Milo SG

One thing I learn is to keep emo people as far away as possible, emo people tend to hold on to their past bad experiences and not let go and expect people to pity on them as if we ourselves have no past bad experiences. If they see you responding to their "sad story" they will try to be more emo to gain your attention and pity as times goes by. If you stop responding they might get angry and threaten suicide and stuffs and tell you they feel "helpless" until you show them the attention and pity they expect from you again. The best way to help is to encourage at a limit and let go when it's time to. If you feel that you can't cope anymore refer him/her to the professional counsellors.

What you say has also occurred to me before.

But after a whole day of soul searching, i know i am emotionally prepared to help her all the way. When it is time to let go, i will let go.

I am not without my own bad experiences and my own self-defense mechanism will kick in automatically when the limit has been reached.

In fact, i was like her in the past, but i managed to walk out of it by myself. It took me years to do so....i feel so old all of a sudden....haizzzzz..............

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