Divorce

last SG · 2009-10-13T13:01:42+00:00

i think just divorse la thatb husband is a a*s

s0nic SG

Hi all. I have an issue which I wish to discuss with you guys.

Let me kick off with some brief description.

I have a female friend, who's married and with 2 kids now. She's currently working in the sales line, but yet to be confirmed as she's still under probation.Her salary is not that high. She's around 20, and her husband is around 24.

Her husband had affairs outside for a couple of years already. For the 1st couple of times, the husband asked for forgiveness. However the third time it happened, my friend, who can't take it anymore, wanted a divorce.

Currently, her son is staying with her mother-in-law, and her daughter is with a nanny as she is unable to take care of them on her own. Her husband's family likes her son more than her daughter, so you can roughly know how the situation is like for her. e.g. if anything happens between the two of them, most likely they will only take care of the boy but not the girl.

Since the third time the affairs started, her husband has not been going home, staying at the woman's place all these while, only going back to get stuffs once in awhile. He didn't even attend or celebrate their children's birthdays this year.

At the early stages, her husband still gave her money for the children's expenses. But I heard from my friend, he recently told her he do not want to bother about them anymore.

Now, her mother-in-law told her that she wanted to help my friend to take care of her daughter, which in one way is good because she need not spend money on the nanny anymore. However what I think is not good is, what if both of her children get too close with her husband's family? What if, after their divorce, she isn't able to get the custody of at least her daughter, because she was the one who single-handedly brought her up to 1 yrs old before she was brought to her nanny, which is why, she is very very close to her daughter. We can't imagine what she will be like if her daughter was taken away from her.

For your info, when her daughter was due to be born, she went to the hospital on her own by taxi. Her husband didn't even bother to bring her there.

Any advice from you all, on how I can advice her on what to do?

Anyway, I apologise for the wall of text, but I need to share this story, and help my friend. I don't want her to get into a state of depression because of her children, especially her daughter.

dunno.com SG

her husband already said didnt want to care so even if he still gets custody i bet he would just let them be with her

Midlusionz SG

1st, your friend need to get a job to prove that she can actually provide for the 2 kids .. Mothers usually get the kids unless she's really hopeless, iirc.

2nd, she should really consult those family welfare thingy .. And see wat help she can get.

3rd, i got a friend whose situation is like hers .. Initially her son was close to her after she let her mother in law took care of her son .. Slowly, the son dunwan to stay by his mother side.. so your friend gotta really judge whether will their grandma poison their thinking or its purely just helping.

This is wat i know i did help my friend thru her hard times.. She did visit the MP of the area but well, i dun really trust them.

fireng SG

how about give both kids to the husband so she can find a new guy get marry and start a new life

Ciin SG

Hello..

I had a cousin who used to face this also.. And her story is really really similar to your friend's..

Since the husband is the one having an affair, it WILL benefit your friend if she gets hold of EVIDENCE of his misdoings (photos, videos, etc).. This way, if i'm not wrong will increase her chances of getting custody of her children.

And she need to get herself a STABLE job to prove that she is capable of taking care of her 2 kids.

I have a feeling that IF she lets the mother-in-law take care of her 2 kids, she might in the later days refuse to "return" to her.. If she brings it to court, the mother-in-law might just say that she had been the one taking care of them all these nonsense and i don't think it will do your friend any good..

And what about your friend's mother? Maybe she can help take care of her 2 kids while she's at work?

Midlusionz SG

how about give both kids to the husband so she can find a new guy get marry and start a new life

This will be the last choice of all mothers.

Trust mi.

Midlusionz SG

Oh ya s0nic, if possible right .. If u got any lawyers friend who could give her some real legal advice.. It will be good.. Putting her on the right track.

s0nic SG

dunno.com >> i dunno if he said these to spite her. cos he seems very desperate to get divorced, but he dont want to spend money. his family has a shop, but business not really good, however he's involved in some illegal business which I don't wish to talk about in here.

mid >> she dont have qualifications. she quit sch when she was in Sec 4. It's only when she gave birth to her daughter, she started working in the sales line. yea, one day will bring her down with her mum to the Social Welfare thingy as she's still under 21 and she need her guardian. for now, yea her son still will stick to her mum. but if given a choice, i think her son will rather stick to her mother-in-law. because it's like he's with them everyday, and my friend is like only able to see him once a week, due to her work.

fireng >> but now the problem is, she cant bear to do that. her daughter was brought up by her all alone.. she loves her daughter very much from what i can see.

^Acid^ aka s|aO^eH~ SG

Get her to ask for social help... There are bound to be some foundations around that u can look for help de...

As for custody of the children, children which are too young cant get to choose which they prefer... The judge will take into consideration the financial state of both parties then pass verdict accordingly IMO...

Midlusionz SG

fireng >> but now the problem is, she cant bear to do that. her daughter was brought up by her all alone.. she loves her daughter very much from what i can see.

I believe if she is willing to learn, ppl will give her a chance but the problem is she need to work extra extra hard. As for her son, she realli need to try to spend more time with him .. If not in the end he will wanna go to her hubby side rather than to her.

s0nic SG

Ciin >> yea so far her job is stable. only thing is that she's still under probation. but her salary is not enough for her to care for her two children.. and yea, thats what we are all afraid about. what if one day her mother-in-law really do that, there's nothing she can do.. her own mum already has children of her own. and they're living in a one-room flat. she re-married also.. oh yah. she said she will also be requesting for the call logs from Starhub, to show that all these while he's been in contact with that woman. this should be good for her as well.

mid >> but too bad i dun have lawyer friends.. if not i wont be asking here liao lor. lol.

acid >> yea we already told her to go to some Social Welfare thingy. I think, even though the judge will usually give the custody to the party with better financial status, i feel it's unfair to her. because all these past months, it's only her who's like caring for her children, e.g. bringing them out, bringing them back home for one night etc..

Midlusionz SG

mid >> but too bad i dun have lawyer friends.. if not i wont be asking here liao lor. lol.

Nvm, get her to social welfare then she can start from there. Wat she really need is a starting point and some guidelines.. The feeling of being a headless chicken is no good.

s0nic SG

yah i know how it's like in the work society.. but seriously, she doesnt even have an O'lvls cert. it's really difficult for her.. because on one hand she need to upgrade herself, on the second hand she needs to feed her children and herself. one month of babysitting by the nanny cost her $700 leh. she's like earning 1k. really tough on her..

Ciin SG

Just the call logs? If the guy don't admit and insist they are just business partners or whatever then bite back at your friend? Picture speaks a thousand words. I'm positive that some photos will do some good.

And since the guy says he doesn't want to bother about the kids, she might have a chance to win custody also if the guy gives up..

A nanny will help for her situation now IMO. Where your friend lives? Haha.. My mum is a nanny, i ask her charge your friend lesser la.. Lols..

Will be very tough at 1st for your friend, having to deal with so many things.. Hmm...

s0nic SG

Nvm, get her to social welfare then she can start from there. Wat she really need is a starting point and some guidelines.. The feeling of being a headless chicken is no good.

ok then. i also think thats the only best way for her now. btw, anyone knows is there any ways to expedite the processing if we go to this Social Welfare? I understand sometimes it can take months for the processing and stuffs to be done. u know la.. government bodies etc.. lol

Midlusionz SG

Hmm, sorry for saying this but everyone need to be responsible for their own decisions and actions..

s0nic SG

And since the guy says he doesn't want to bother about the kids, she might have a chance to win custody also if the guy gives up..

A nanny will help for her situation now IMO. Where your friend lives? Haha.. My mum is a nanny, i ask her charge your friend lesser la.. Lols..

Will be very tough at 1st for your friend, having to deal with so many things.. Hmm...

oh no, not only the call logs. call logs is only the beginning. will seek legal help first.. if the lawyer or whatsoever says call logs isnt enough then we will see how it goes..

u know what i think, i'm thinking, that guys said that right, is just to spite her, to pay for the divorce fees and everything, so she can free herself quickly.

she still lives with her husband's family currently, at CCK. ya..

yup ah mid, i get your point.. maybe that time before they decided to get married, she never saw this coming..

Ciin SG

Tell your friend don't rush rush.. If not she will be the one like what you say, pay all the fees when she's not the one at fault.. Get hold of the evidence and confirm that guy cham cham..

I go ask my mum more info. on my cousin's divorce and see if can help in anything..

Midlusionz SG

Ya i know how u feel, but i dun think there's a way to speed up the process, it might said 1 or 2 years for the whole things to finish,

If i remember correctly, social welfare will send someone up to do house visit first then if there's a need they will find jobs for u.

s0nic SG

oh thank you very much Ciin.. awaiting for your good news.. btw pardon me, so your cousin is already divorced? or still in the process or discussion stage?

ah mid, oh is it? hmm ok then think everything has to wait till she goes to the social welfare lor..