Hi all. I have an issue which I wish to discuss with you
guys.
Let me kick off with some brief description.
I have a female friend, who's married and with 2 kids now. She's
currently working in the sales line, but yet to be confirmed as
she's still under probation.Her salary is not that high. She's
around 20, and her husband is around 24.
Her husband had affairs outside for a couple of years already.
For the 1st couple of times, the husband asked for forgiveness.
However the third time it happened, my friend, who can't take it
anymore, wanted a divorce.
Currently, her son is staying with her mother-in-law, and her
daughter is with a nanny as she is unable to take care of them on
her own. Her husband's family likes her son more than her daughter,
so you can roughly know how the situation is like for her. e.g. if
anything happens between the two of them, most likely they will
only take care of the boy but not the girl.
Since the third time the affairs started, her husband has not
been going home, staying at the woman's place all these while, only
going back to get stuffs once in awhile. He didn't even attend
or celebrate their children's birthdays this year.
At the early stages, her husband still gave her money for the
children's expenses. But I heard from my friend, he recently told
her he do not want to bother about them anymore.
Now, her mother-in-law told her that she wanted to help my
friend to take care of her daughter, which in one way is good
because she need not spend money on the nanny anymore. However what
I think is not good is, what if both of her children get too close
with her husband's family? What if, after their divorce, she isn't
able to get the custody of at least her daughter, because she was
the one who single-handedly brought her up to 1 yrs old before she
was brought to her nanny, which is why, she is very very close
to her daughter. We can't imagine what she will be like if her
daughter was taken away from her.
For your info, when her daughter was due to be born, she went to
the hospital on her own by taxi. Her husband didn't even bother to
bring her there.
Any advice from you all, on how I can advice her on what to
do?
Anyway, I apologise for the wall of text, but I need to share
this story, and help my friend. I don't want her to get into a
state of depression because of her children, especially her
daughter.
It is unfortunate your friend married such a lousy guy.
There is nothing wrong letting her mother-in-law take care of
the kids during working hours, but she must make sure she fetch
them back after her work , back to her home.
The court will not award child custody to the mother-in laws
just because the child spends a lot of time with them.
Unless your friend has proven to be mentally unsound, is
abusive, and/or uncapable of providing care to a child. Else, she
do not have to worry.
Why is it that she only gets to see her son ONCE a week ?
Since her husband do not want to be the primary care giver, your
friend should ensure she gets the court give her legal custody of
both kids.
When she has custody, it is still OK to let her in-laws do
daycare for them. After all, the children still needs to have a
relationship with the father's side of the family.
A divorce does not mean the other side of the family is to be
totally cut off.
The court will award child support even though the father
refused to "bother" about the children.
So your friend needs to seek sound legal advise, and decide how
she wants to proceed.
Good luck to your friend.