to all that have offered me your opinions...
you guys have really given me new insights...especially the post
by forbiddensinner. and xtreyier, your 2nd paragraph completely
describes my mind, how i feel....i understood long ago that
confessions will break apart a relationship...but...i guess the
statement "love blinds" holds true...even with all those hard facts
thrown at me, i simply chose to be oblivious to the reality all the
time. i guess perhaps im the sole reason that caused the
degradation of a beautiful friendship that could have lasted me a
lifetime. but would i be contented with that?
i think being a stubborn person myself...somehow...i got the
idea that if i never expressed my own feelings to her, i would
regret a lifetime. its some kind of a uncontrollable restless
feeling....wonder if anyone of you also had this before too. and
then...it all became 1 big snowball downhill.
and sometimes i think im simply plain crazy. irrational thoughts
take over me, and tell me that losing a friend as a cost for a try
in a confession is worth it....all i ever thought to myself was, if
i never try, i would regret. in some sense that was a really
selfish move, because i totally neglected the other party's
feelings. but i really didnt know what else to do. those feelings
cooped up inside me really made me feel...crap. and in the same
sense, it was also a deadly move, my actions to cause the
inevitable loss of a close friend. now that i think of all
these...of all the troubles ive brought her. was i even worth to be
her friend in the first place? damn, she could have lived life so
much happier without me...and either way i sort of had a lose-lose
situation on my hands...
still...ive quite decided to get a grip on my life. im already
way behind on my study schedule...and i really want to do well in
my exams, esp my A lvls. i'll promise that i'll do my best to move
on....and fast. jc time really literally flies. although i
guess...its really going to be one tough part of my life i probably
will never forget.
and i also think...i should just avoid her for the time
being...a long period. maybe a year? or a few years? sounds easy
dosent it. if only it would be so. somehow i want to apologize to
her, but i guess its all too late anyway. its going to be long
before she'll really trust me again i guess. but i really miss
those times when we'll simply talk so happily together.maybe one
day after she coolsdown...those days might come back...wish me
luck:)
last but not least..this amount of encouragment was really
unexpected...haha. you guys really cheered me up and made my day.
through this incident, i can say ive learnt quite a bit...and
become stonger as a person too.
i guess what dosen't kills you really does make you
stronger.