Hi guys n girls,
Hai, feeling damn confused and sad. Recently, things had not
been right for me these days.
My wife is pregnant at the wrong time. You see, i had not had a
full time job for a while, i am a freelance diver and at the same
time, i do some freelance consultancy works too. The money is not
that great but i love what i am doing. On the other hand, my wife
and my parents kept saying what i am doing is worng and i had no
money to support the family. I refuse to give in and continue to do
what i love to do. No CPF, no medical benefits and inability to buy
a flat is all they can say.
Sometimes, i feel shitty and sad. I do not realised, the reason
why i gave up my full time job is to pursue my interest, which is
diving works. I gave a lot to it and had been committed to my
interest. So lucky to those whom have parents and spouse to support
those doing their interest for a living though it pays shit.
Everyday, everyday they have been telling me the same things
over and over again. It makes me very frustrated but i kept my
cool. I do not argue or fight back, i just stare at them blankly.
But deep down in my heart, i feel so useless as i dare not to give
up my interests.
These few years have been shit for me. I lost my first wife and
my beautiful daughter due to my mistakes and bo chap attitude, i
lost my driving liscense class 3 to class 5. I lost my favourite
pet turtles. I lost my regular status in the army and had to pay
liquidation damages close to 60K. I had nothing now. No savings and
practically useless in all aspects of life. My freelance works get
lesser and lesser.
As stated earlier on, my girlfriend is pregnant, we got married.
I felt that i could not give her the best of life. I felt so
useless. Nobody support whatever i am doing. I try to jump but i
just sat on the ledge thinking how would i look if i jump. I don't
even have any balls to jump. :(
Its been me and myslelf only. I brought nothing good to my
family. Theres no one i can tell my feeling to except typing out to
cyber mates.
I wana cry.