Where is my heart

last SG · 2009-04-15T01:06:53+00:00

Whoever u are, love is for giving lar, not for getting lar, (forgiving/forgiveness); it embraces both the latter in brackets. she had her reasons, excuses or...

Mitell SG

hi ts,

i cut and paste this from somewhere else, hopefully it can offer u some help about your current situation. good luck.

If You Are Being Cheated On:

Get real.
The best predictor of future behavior is relevant past behavior. What do you predict? If your partner has cheated on you repeatedly and now swears he/she will stop, what are the chances that this is true? You can't change what you don't acknowledge. Isn't there a point at which you say, "I deserve better? She may not have any boundaries, but I do. And my boundaries say, 'You either treat me with integrity, dignity and respect or you don't treat me at all'?" Stand up for yourself. You've given your power away and you've got to get it back.

This is not your fault.
Stop beating yourself up about this. You have got to know that this has nothing to do with you. You are not the one who made the decision to break your commitment to your partner and cheat. You have nothing to do with your partner making the immature, inappropriate, self-destructive choice to turn away from you to someone else.

What is your payoff?
Do you want to get past this? Or is there a payoff you receive from the situation? Do you enjoy playing the victim or subjecting your partner to a life sentence? Do you fear that if you forgive a partner who truly is remorseful and has changed his/her behavior that you are "letting them get away with it?"

Assess your commitment level.
You can either handle being vulnerable with your partner again or you can't. And if you can't, you need to get out of this relationship and move on. And if you can, then you need to let her earn the trust back and start putting this relationship together again.

Decide if you can choose to forgive.
Forgiveness is a choice. It doesn't mean what your partner did is OK. How much you trust your partner is in part about what your partner does, and in part a function of whether you have confidence to handle it if she disappoints you. If you find out that she strays again, can you handle that?

If you can't forgive, let go.
When you choose the behavior, you choose the consequences. If you continue to throw this in your partner's face, you will eventually run him/her off. Ask yourself if this is going to be a life sentence for your partner. Can you heal from this and forgive? If not, don't continue to live in anger and/or be with someone who causes you pain.

HiAy3Captain SG

end it once and for all.

Detached SG

How about a different perspective?

If you were the one whom wronged others, you would certainly hope for forgiveness. Now that you've being wronged, you can't offer to her what you would hope to recieve?

But if you genuinely feel that it's impossible to continue with this relationship, just let it go gracefully. Just because she cheated on you for whatever reasons, doesn't mean you've the right to mistreat her - 2 wrongs don't make 1 right, pal.

blurking123 SG

seriously TS, u should just ditch her... it is obvious that she comes back to you because that guy is married...

even if that guy is not married, the trust built over 3 years is broken from the moment she slept with other guy... u see my point?

though i have not been in a relationship before, i cannot tolerate one's betrayal... move on... that is what i will do

thickskin23 SG

Well life does not alway turn out to be the same way as you expect. It turn out she was upset she was hurt and she wanted to hurt me. To put it simply i been ditched by her.

The reason why i am writing this is to remind and prevent myself from ever being softhearted and putting all trust in future r/s. Pls dun flame me for any typo.

Worldlybusinessman SG

Dear Worldlybusinessman,

You didn't specify the number of men who separate sex from love so I speak for myself.

There are men who associate physical connection with emotions and love. We don't separate the two because we don't settle for less than what we can get.

And this is why in turn, women marry and cherish some men. And not others.

who cares, so long i give good plumbing to her in bed, she will cry and say "dont stop , dont stop"

Worldlybusinessman SG

- image removed

BotaHead SG

hi ts,

i cut and paste this from somewhere else, hopefully it can offer u some help about your current situation. good luck.

oi, si mitell, come in here and wayang wayang ah. u very free hor.

brainerror SG

who cares, so long i give good plumbing to her in bed, she will cry and say "dont stop , dont stop"

eh, dont be sick and give some reasonable answer.

jojobeach SG

Well life does not alway turn out to be the same way as you expect. It turn out she was upset she was hurt and she wanted to hurt me. To put it simply i been ditched by her.

The reason why i am writing this is to remind and prevent myself from ever being softhearted and putting all trust in future r/s. Pls dun flame me for any typo.

You got it right Thick,

Women has their way of revenge.

You let her suffer for few years , she will find ways to rip your heart out... slowly.. but surely, the time will come.

That's why I always recommend guys to treat their women well.

The problem with your relationship it seems has nothing to do with maturity or lack of love.

Rather.. the relationship existed at the wrong time. It happened at a time when you are busy building your future.. and she was left.. stranded.. on a lonely island , waiting for you. While she was attached to you.. she cannot see another in broad daylight.

I suppose she just got sick of the waiting.. and decided to call it quits.. her way.

When a woman tells you , she slept with another man.. the only purpose is to see how hurt you get.. The more hurt you are.. the bigger her gratification.

I suggest you wait until you are truly ready for a relationship ..when everything else has been accomplished ...before you embark on another journey again. But PLEASE.. do not bring your excess baggage into the new relationship.

Find someone who is also at the correct life phase as you. If you find someone who isn't ready. but you are.. it'll just become another emotional roller coaster for you.

Remember, Age is just a number. I hope you can put your trust in another relationship when the right time comes and you meet the right person.

Going into a relationship with half hearted effort and without trust.. a relationship is bound to fail.

Good luck.

Alexander 88 SG

i think thick skin is not an auditor for the way he write and level of intelligence is too low for auditing.

SIM finance is almost like saying u are studying lousy cert. for the paper to go for finance is CFA. if not other very quantitative papers.

so its thickskin being the real bullshiter and being sour grapes. he is just too lousy and have a high sense of self worth. so i guess he is the one who is actively sleeping around and then jumping on the gal because she is a good catch.

cheers to stupid people who dont know who they are trying to play with.

dkcx SG

Since you chose to waste time here, i think you can't be much cleverer

jojobeach SG

i think thick skin is not an auditor for the way he write and level of intelligence is too low for auditing.

SIM finance is almost like saying u are studying lousy cert. for the paper to go for finance is CFA. if not other very quantitative papers.

cheers to stupid people who dont know who they are trying to play with.

Err.. Unker Alex, Yes we already know you big shot private investigator. Yes we know. your wife is accountant.

Yes we know the economy not so good, so less hubby go out mess around.. so now you don't have many suspicious wifeys paying you to handle their infidelity cases .

But, please don't come here in Aunt Agony to do your private detective work. I also don't think SGforum will pay you for your work here.

And I don't doubt your wife is a big shot accountant and she looks down on the SIM cert. But everyone has their right to pursue whatever courses they deem suitable for their own career path.

If you have anything you are agonizing over.. perhaps.. you have ego issues due to your wife earning more and she being the more knowledgeable one, then please start a new thread... we are more than willing to give you some two cents advise and help you deal with the agony.

Thank you for being such a considerate person. OK ? Good.

Alexander 88 SG

i am doubly confirmed that this thickskin is just riding on sg forummer concern and pity

look at his other earlier posts on his so called gal fren and his attitude

http://sgforums.com/forums/12/topics/233270

http://sgforums.com/forums/12/topics/301858

i mean his attitude as a guy sucks and i think he is not really honest and truthful so i dont think he actually love the gal instead its all a make believe story to make himself and his achievement look better than others!

pinhead! other guys responses are so much better and they are actually trying to help you but instead u take their sympathy for granted.

this man is a liar and he thinks its a mans way... so let other men prove that its not necessary to resort to despicable means in order to get what u want.

asshole.

if i am not wrong he is just a serial pilanderer and reveling in this kind of farce.

from what he wrote on the earlier messages - if anyone who had any real understanding of what is a relationship its very clear that this guy is not sincere and there is no real relationship - there is never any mention of actual care and concern just excuses and the constant focus on the sexual aspect instead of other elements that make a good relationship.

if i were the gal , i would also ditch him . just shaming all the guys for being "uncontrollable" while rationising his actions as being right and thinking that all females are just stupid.

jojobeach SG

i am doubly confirmed that this thickskin is just riding on sg forummer concern and pity

look at his other earlier posts on his so called gal fren and his attitude

http://sgforums.com/forums/12/topics/233270

http://sgforums.com/forums/12/topics/301858

pinhead! other guys responses are so much better and they are actually trying to help you but instead u take their sympathy for granted.

this man is a liar and he thinks its a mans way... so let other men prove that its not necessary to resort to despicable means in order to get what u want.

asshole.

if i am not wrong he is just a serial pilanderer and reveling in this kind of farce.

if i were the gal , i would also ditch him . just shaming all the guys for being "uncontrollable" while rationising his actions as being right and thinking that all females are just stupid.

Unker Alex, welcome to online forums. You will realize that online forums are very much a virtual world. Everyone can claim to be somebody they are not in real life.

If you are new to this world.. you will be shock.. but having a online persona is very common.

Here.. they can act out their fantasy.

A school student pretending to be a businessman.

A ugly no lifer pretending to be a playboy.

It's all in their head.

So a person like you , who is out to expose the fakes.. the work will be endless.

To enjoy the virtual world.. just take everything with a pinch of salt. If you choose to believe..believe.. if you choose to doubt.. then the best thing to do is to avoid coming online.

OFcors there are people who are real. These people , they meet up in real person. Go to club30s forum or singlesclub etc.. they meet up for gathering.

Alexander 88 SG

well, i do go to other online forums but its not as much blatant lying and mud slinging plus promoting the wrong moral values as compared to this - sg forums. there is no intelligent discussion instead its plainly based on wat the poster said and if everyone believed him then it would be quite bad especially attacks on other peoples character and reputation.

i believe his gal must also have loved him otherwise she would not have stayed so long in a relationship with him but his attitude n quick judgement shows very clearly to me as a man that he is only out for this gals beauty.

i mean i am trying to be fair to both parties , its easier for a man to admit that he lost control compared to blaming his gal for being unfaithful especially if its not true as a mans reputation is not affected by sexual indiscretion but for women it will be a very serious offence , if he wanted to seek private advice on handling this issue he need not ask on forums but ask his frens since this is a private matter -BGR , i am sure all of us have frens to consult in times of trouble, to disclose all these distasteful things not even assuming if he is jumping to conclusions or trying to debase the gal out of spite and painting himself as a victim is just too much. just irresponsible behavior on the part of the guy. i think now that the gal is innocent and she did not have any affair with any married man. i think he is instead the married man who is trying to have an affair with an innocent gal.

public forums being open, everyone is able to access and if untruths are not shot down then people will continue to believe what they read on the net.

i am not the first person to suspect that he is writing a tale.

i am so disgusted that sg forums is so unmoderated and the topics of discussion is worse than any newspaper.

anyone who is new to sg forums will think that sg people has such petty concerns and discussions and advice that is so unplatable to stomach - its beyond human understanding like what worldly businessmen sugguested..

i will suggest to my bosses to get this forum regulated at least. to stop spreading of rumours and malicious thinking not to mention down right crude thinking

jojobeach SG

public forums being open, everyone is able to access and if untruths are not shot down then people will continue to believe what they read on the net.

i am not the first person to suspect that he is writing a tale.

i am so disgusted that sg forums is so unmoderated and the topics of discussion is worse than any newspaper.

i will suggest to my bosses to get this forum regulated at least. to stop spreading of rumours and malicious thinking not to mention down right crude thinking

I believe online forums like STonline is a place you go, those are regulated and people who log into it are required to furnish some form of identity.

The online world is bigger than Singapore. I don't think you can regulate it entirely.. and I don't think it should be.

It doesn't take a whole lot of intelligence to figure out everything posted in this forum is just a one sided account of the story, be it real or fake.

When we women go confiding in our circle of friends.. we are also aware that the stories will always be one sided. Nobody is gonna tell you they deserved to be dumped or they are guilty of selfish acts.

Like women, aunt agony just serve as an outlet to vent , and we , like all good girlfriends.. gives our support. Even though we knew the person is probably not telling the whole truth.

Ofcors, we don't condone it, when the poster explicitly gives out the identitiy of the person involved.

So yah.. unker Alex. don't get too worked up over the "unregulated" problem.. it just ain't gonna go away.

thickskin23 SG

Hey Alexandra do you have an issues with me, if you do please go and die. I am just telling telling my problem. You even go to the extent of digging up posts previously, You have too much time.

The previous posts are not written by me, i have some best friends who are depressed and they confide in me, i just tell them to post it here as a de-stress method. They are too lazy to register so i let them use my account, i only come to this forum using it as a de-stress method.

Really i have apologise to you if i am rude but you just came biting my tail, i am poor in english, i wont deny. SIM is a commericial school, if you have money you can enrol, i wont deny that.

The main point is all the while none of my posts have offended any people, when my friends use my account to post topics, i told them to tell their problems and people respond.

I am not rich like you, my de stress method is only running and writing in forum. Due to exam i do not wish to run so i post in here, i seriously never expect to meet an entity like you who i completely do not know but seem to have an eternal fuel with me.

OK OK i apologise to any people who take their time to read this story and feel offended by it. If you seriously doubt my character and intergrity then stop coming in to this topic.

Mr Alexandra, to me you are just like a kid who is playing and arcade game and when you are about to win a final stage your character suddenly die and game over. Then you will feel depress and angry as you want a last laugh so you keep putting in token and you keep game over.

If you want a last laugh you have already got it, i been ditch, i never complain i only post the previous reply as i want to close this topic. Please do not kick me when i am down, i have already apologise to you if any of my language offend you.

To me i am only helping my friend to tell their problems, some of them said it make them feel better to post a topic here and after that they register to be member. What is the issue with you, for example you are reading Singapore true ghost stories by russell lee, do you really believe all of it is real. We are all reading it for the entertainment, if you do not believe then go away pls so not insult my qualifications, my school and my job and also do not quarrel with some kind hearted people here who take their time to give me good advice.

thickskin23 SG

I am sorry for my previous post as this is really taking a toll on me, i will not come into this forum anymore. My last post was about a year ago contributed by a good friend who is having some problem.

To me posting topic in here is really a de-stress method, i never frequently post any in here and i do not expect the pleasure and the honor of a hardworking guy who dug into topics i never realise was under my name just to insult me.

I only give my best friend my sgforum account as its not important to me (its not my atm num) and also i just read through their topics written under my name, none of it is offensive to any people but i sincerely apologise if it offend any people out there, to me its just me offering a way to help my friend to deal with their problems.

Through this experience i realise if someone have an issue with you no matter what you do, they will constantly find fault with you. I am only using this forum as a channel to relieve stress and ease my pain, i never realise i have to brush up my english, go through past topics and be accused a liar, loser from someone i never meet and never offended

Well Mr Alexandra, i knew you will constantly find fault with me, i never said i was a victim in this relationship, i did neglect her for my job and i am suffering from the pain, i never blame her after i thought it out this few days. Time was the factor, as one of the advice given by a good forumer.

Thats a good advice, it help me and thats the reason why i am here to get advice to ease my pain, i never see whats wrong with it. Why must you even deprived me of this method of de-stressing my anger and betrayal When i have no issue with you.

This is my last time coming to this forum, i will not use this de-stress method anymore.

BadzMaro SG

i will suggest to my bosses to get this forum regulated at least. to stop spreading of rumours and malicious thinking not to mention down right crude thinking

/me shivers... seriously... who gives a hoot.

I mean who seriously goes n dig up thier old posts n start to compare n stuff. I hell as dun have the time man..

But if u think u r on a mission to do it, by all means.. SEXPOSE. U already said that people easily believe the bullshit , lies and more lies. How can u blame us, when we have doubts to your own credibility ? Right ? U know, if u dig out his inconsistencies , MAYBE, we'll check it out ourselves n decide for ourselves capiche ?

Hell , i was even told who do what to who in PM's... but honestly, i cant even trust the who that told me the who. Thats how fucked up online forums are man. Thats just how it is man. I once thought like you, to sexpose... to weed out the bullshit. But , i got my own shit to do, hell, its gonna be a full time job just smelling them out. And i am not dedicated.

If you think u can really tell your 'bossess' and have them have the authority to even meddle with the regulatory policy of sgforums, go ahead man. But if u cant even remotely have any hand or influence in affecting sgforums policy, u may just end up bullshitting like the rest of the people here man.

So yeah...

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