Should I confront or pretend nothing happened :(

last SG · 2008-11-23T18:24:10+00:00

It might not be that the hubby has committed adultery. Just wanting to have fun. Thing is, if there is no proof of adultery, except for exchanges of smses,...

FireIce SG

even if he kneel on durian shells and apologise and buy u the tiffany diamond tennis bracelet, it's no use oredi bcos u can 4give and neber 4get

up to u to think if he is worth it
if u have nothing to lose, do wat a woman shd do

4sg SG

He's sleeping

I went through his phone again

He deleted off the inbox messages but left out the sent ones

My heart hurts

I found out there are 3 of them not 2

He told one of them he just broke up with his girlfriend

Btw I checked his Sent items yesterday too. It's equally hot. I wouldn't be so upset if it was just in the inbox.

I'm not stupid. I know where to look. Now I'm thinking if I should just pretend nothing happened and log on his msn and wait for those girls to log on and talk to them and see what happens.

I took down their names and numbers. It's so bloody tempting to call them.

I read a book titled "Why we hate".

In it, the author discribes how judges all over the world fear most, not of murderer and rapist, but of murderous, divorcing couple slugging it out in court.

FireIce SG

amazing tt among u fretting over your hubby's suspected infidelity, u still can give us live commentary here.

Disillusionedblue SG

I read a book titled "Why we hate".

In it, the author discribes how judges all over world fear most, not of murderer and rapist, but of murderous, divorcing couple slugging it out in court.

You know, divorce is really my last option. I really do not want a divorce unless I do not have a choice.

And also I can't just sit around and do nothing. It's killing me.

I think I'll just go ahead and confront him but record down the entire conversation as evidence.

That's because I'm thinking what to do and I need an outlet and I have no one to listen to my rants!!!! Take it as cheap drama on a boring Sunday evening; and it is no longer SUSPECTED. IT's CONFIRMED!!!!!!!!

4sg SG

Do you think I like to do that?

I want to collect evidence in case I decide to file for a divorce.

From not even looking at his phone msgs. Today, I've combed through all his email, logged on his msn, searched through his phone to see what is happening.

Now I'm thinking how am I going to download the smses he sent out without him knowing. he's a light sleeper and I didn't dare to hold on the phone for so long. I have a sim card reader.

Now I'm thinking how to act normally in front of him when he wakes up because I don't think I can excercise the self-control now.

The more I dig, the more shit I uncover.

I'm trying to keep my anger in check and this 5 mins thing is really irritating.

I called an Aunt to talk to her. She has gone through the same shit. My uncle was the PERFECT Husband. You would never have suspected he had women outside but she found out like me and it was a nasty divorce because he acted to kick her out of the house.

I'm not confronting him yet because I'm afraid that might happen to me to. I can't believe I was so trusting. He was the perfect husband too. Nothing to fault.

My world just came crashing down on me yesterday. I got to hell today

Perfection is not something of this world. Everyday, we delude ourselves of this simple but basic truth.

We crave the perfect man, perfect woman, perfect child, perfect husband, perfect wife, pefect employer etc.

4sg SG

You know, divorce is really my last option. I really do not want a divorce unless I do not have a choice.

And also I can't just sit around and do nothing. It's killing me.

I think I'll just go ahead and confront him but record down the entire conversation as evidence.

From the way you described him, he will either deny it, get angry or both. I think in your case, better cool down and let a marriage counsellor handle it.

If you are not considering the divorce option, what the point of recording down the entire conversation. And in doing so, where does it lead you or how can it help you?

maskedangel SG

Hey TS, i cant offer u much help. but i juz wanna wish u well, and hope u get pass this stage of life soon.

limpper SG

ts, i donno how can i help you, but i hope all the best for you. take care.

youyayu SG

from what i reading.. u want to have a perfect relationship..

the more perfect u want it the worst u can get..

no advise..

cause nothing we can do.. is up to you and if u asking for 3rd party to help.
they will just make it worst. get a counseller... it will be better..

good luck

mancha SG

The unknown will spawn many assumptions, and possibilities. You need to get to the solid facts. Stop the thinking, and act rationally.

The mind snowballs thoughts.

The grounds for divorce is always irretrivable breakdown of marriage. The cause for the breakdown can be anything. The pettitioner just need to prove the connection. e.g The adultery is driving me crazy, I just can't take it anymore. It will look like the adultery is the cause of the divorce, but actually it is the "can't take it anymore". In the place of adultery can be gambling, unreasonable behaviour, even incompatibility.

Meat Pao SG

ohh...its terrible news indeed...

If I were you...maybe it is better to calm down first...and give some time to think....

Those SMSes and emails etc....might not mean that he has gone into a serious relationship with other women....my feeling is that he just like to flirt.....especially if there are 3 women....it means he is not having a serious affair...most likely playing/ flirting...with anyone he likes....and it seems there is a chance his flirting is only at SMS level, or maybe chat/ drinks with those women, it might not have progressed into an intimate contact yet......

It seems to me your hubby doesnt take the marriage seriously....he still like to fling around...that type of guy....

First give urself some time to think through...and then think maybe you can have a serious talk with your hubby and tell him to take his marriage seriously, and no more flirting with other women.......

But if the relations has progressed into intimate contact with those women....well, that is a serious sin, and its up to you whether you want to forgive him or not. But if I were you, firstly I will try to find out the true nature of his flirtings.

youyayu SG

and for your aunt.. if she know how to settle this things she won't be divorced right..

FireIce SG

and for your aunt.. if she know how to settle this things she won't be divorced right..

the aunt chose to settle by divorce cannot meh?

wat do u mean by "if she know how to settle this things she won't be divorced right.."?

quag.Mire097 SG

Another prime example of how there is no absolute guarantee in life. Very discouraging. Very.

furb SG

Congratulation... You are now half (and not one) step away from a divorce.

Joke aside, what you did was very wrong. No one (notice I said no one and not no man) like having other people invading their privacy and you just did it by reading his sms.

Even if you are his wife, it doesn't give you the rights to do so. Think about it, do you like it if your husband were to do the same to you?

You have just tasted the forbidden fruit. From the moment you decided to peek at your husband's sms, the trust within your relationship is gone. Because of this, you might not be able to believe whatever he said even if it's the truth and you automatically assume all are lies and all negatives are the truth. Basically, you aren't able to think clearly.

Let me ask you "Do you trust your husband?". Didn't you married him because you trusted him?

I suggest you and your husband sit down and have a good talk. Trash out everything including your insecurity. It may all just be a misunderstanding. Be sure to remain calm throughout the talk. I'm sure every man will feel fustrated if you start to cry or shout at him and this makes it very difficult to convey thoughts between parties and will cause more misunderstandings instead.

One thing - Do not mentioned the word 'Divorce', trust me it will breaks the relationship down even more that is if you still wants to save it.

The answer to your question: Confront it but tactfully. Do not choose to pretend nothing ever happens cause it doesn't solve any problem and you will still meet the same problem later.

mancha SG

Actually I don't see what's the big deal on a spouse reading the others messages.

mancha SG

Actually I don't see what's the big deal on a spouse reading the others messages. Invasion of privacy should not be a issue between husband and wife.

A spouse should be able to read the messages of the other, email or SMSs, and should be expected to find nothing controversal.

My wife can help herself to the cash in my wallet whenever she need to, no problem with me, my handphone is charged for hours on end without me attending to it, no problem with me. Its the same viceversa. We have nothing to hide. That should be the case between spouses.

Unless the culture is that of male dominance, where the wife cannot pry into the affairs of the husband. In such a situation, there is no trust between spouses in the first place.

mancha SG

~ Sorry accidental post ~

4sg SG

Actually I don't see what's the big deal on a spouse reading the others messages.

Individual reaction to invasion of privacy, I would say.

But human has this irrational capacity of exaggerating and nitpicking when emotion run high with logic and rationality running low.

tinuviel07 SG

sorry to hear about what happened.. i know how it is like to read that kind of msgs on the handphone as the same had happened to me..

i think what most people say is true.. be rational, find evidences and protect yourself..

it's rare for guys to turn back once they made this kind of mistakes...

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