I have a close friend who's getting married. I had agreed to be
her bridesmaid but recently pulled out of it because I decided that
I didn't want to have to interact with my ex boyfriend, who is one
of her husband-to-be's best men.
Before I pulled out, however, I checked with her if not doing it
would mean that our friendship would be affected. I had already
bought my dress for the occasion and was prepared to go if she
insisted. However, she seemed all right about it at that time, so I
thought all was well and that she'd be able to find a
replacement.
Later, when we met up again with other friends, she tried to act
as though I was not there. Or if I said anything to her, she would
give a snappish reply.
I'm quite upset by her behaviour, because I feel that my friend
is also being a bit selfish here. What happened with my ex hurt me
a lot. Even till now, I still feel a pang of sadness when I think
about him. It's been more than a month since I last spoke to him,
though I never really blamed him for the break up, seeing him and
talking to him again will bring back memories.
On the other hand, there are friends who've told me that I'm in
the wrong and that I'm the selfish one. They felt that I
should have gone since I've known her for ages. My friend has not
been answering my calls, but she has sent an sms to tell me that
she is feeling disappointed that I couldn't put aside my feelings
for just that one day.
Can feelings be put aside like that? Am I in the wrong? How can
I mend this friendship? It's quite weird between us now, with her
ignoring me. I feel that we can both be more mature about this and
talk face to face. I understand that she may be having wedding
jitters, and I would like to help, but she doesn't seem to want to
talk to me at all.
If she is your close friend, you should've been more mature enough
to put aside your own personal grudge against your ex for the sake
of your close friend's wedding. And you should've been there
for her on her wedding day as her bridesmaid.
Maybe she is only your close friend, but to her....you could be
her BEST friend. Try to imagine the disappointment that she felt. I
know you won't be able to understand her disappointment unless both
of you have patched up and she will let you know how she felt about
your decision to disappoint her for your own selfish excuses.
Why don't you apologise to her? Let her know your fears that led
you to come to that decision not to be her bridesmaid. SMS her your
apology or even send her a card if you need to.
It's cheaper to apologise to save a friendship with a close
friend than not doing anything to lose a valuable friendship with a
close friend.
Things will get better if you chose to take the first step,
and I'm sure she is giving you an opportunity to save this
friendship with her...if not she wouldn't have sent you an SMS with
her own thoughts and feelings.
We all make mistakes in our lives, but we need to have the grace
to accept our mistakes and learn from it. Many people would've
taken the path to run away from their mistakes (This is super
common nowadays), but such people would never grow because they
always avoids their mistakes. Age is natural process but Growing
isn't.
I'm sure you will be able to restore your friendship with her
again and alot of times, it is from the realisation and recovery of
mistakes and forgiveness that will strengthen the friendship
between two friends. 
