I have a close friend who's getting married. I had agreed to be
her bridesmaid but recently pulled out of it because I decided that
I didn't want to have to interact with my ex boyfriend, who is one
of her husband-to-be's best men.
Before I pulled out, however, I checked with her if not doing it
would mean that our friendship would be affected. I had already
bought my dress for the occasion and was prepared to go if she
insisted. However, she seemed all right about it at that time, so I
thought all was well and that she'd be able to find a
replacement.
Later, when we met up again with other friends, she tried to act
as though I was not there. Or if I said anything to her, she would
give a snappish reply.
I'm quite upset by her behaviour, because I feel that my friend
is also being a bit selfish here. What happened with my ex hurt me
a lot. Even till now, I still feel a pang of sadness when I think
about him. It's been more than a month since I last spoke to him,
though I never really blamed him for the break up, seeing him and
talking to him again will bring back memories.
On the other hand, there are friends who've told me that I'm in
the wrong and that I'm the selfish one. They felt that I
should have gone since I've known her for ages. My friend has not
been answering my calls, but she has sent an sms to tell me that
she is feeling disappointed that I couldn't put aside my feelings
for just that one day.
Can feelings be put aside like that? Am I in the wrong? How can
I mend this friendship? It's quite weird between us now, with her
ignoring me. I feel that we can both be more mature about this and
talk face to face. I understand that she may be having wedding
jitters, and I would like to help, but she doesn't seem to want to
talk to me at all.
My dear, it's very simple. If the friendship is any worthwhile, she
wouldn't bear grudges for too long. True, it's her big day and she
expected you to be there as her bridesmaid. But shouldn't friends
be all understanding? 
If I were you, I'd text a simple apology, offer my help in other
areas and seek her understanding. Chances are, if the friendship is
tight enough - she would find it in her heart to forgive you (or
rather start to see things from your point of view and come back to
you)
However, the root of your problem is still your haunting past.
You can't just switch off your feelings at a snap; but if you're
holding on so tightly to something so unpleasant - it will crush
you just sooner or later. Let go, friend The past is past and it should serve no
more than as a reminder and a valuable lesson for us not to commit
the same mistakes.
Be a happy person
