Dear friends,
Thank for all your valuable advise. I am sorry that i did not
elaborate clearly. I am under extreme stress and duress.
Just to elaborate more so that u all could advise
me and have a better idea on my situation.
I do love my gf very much. More than anything else. I do
not know why. I cant explain it. If not, why would i left the
comfort and protection of my luxury home and faced the harshness of
life all by myself. Only a insane person will do that. I have
disappointed and let down my parents. I choose to cut all ties with
my own family to be with a girl. I have disgraced them. When i
walked out of my comfortable home that night..I cried..I love my
parents very much too. I have disappoint them. An
unfilial ungrateful son.
My gf has changed. She is not the original person i knew once
from before. From being very supportive and understanding. She
starts abusing me. Both verbally and physically. I could not do
anything about it. I could take it. But i could not take
humilation from her. It hurt me badly more than anything else. She
will degrade me and humilate me in front of many people.
Saying things that are untrue and most of time she enjoys
to exagarate. Portraying me as the bad guy while she
is the angel heroine. Everyday when i walked past my
neighbours, i will walk with my head down and endure the dirty
looks thrown upon me. I did nothing wrong and nobody really know
about my gf true behaivour. I am both mentality stress and
physically stress. I am tired and have to work to support her
everyday.
There was times, when the police was called in by her. She
cried and told the police that i was hurting her and etc etc
etc. All i did was to hold her down so that she could not harm
me. When she was hold down and could not do anything to me.
She started to shout vulgarity and degrading words. I used
mine palm to silent her as i do not want our neighbours to be
irritated. She told the police that i was suffocating her and
was trying to kill her. She couldt breathe and was helpless
etc etc and cried like a harmless bi-ch and hided behind
the officer acting she was very afraid of me. Nevertheless i was
put in the wrong. And was going to be charged by home affairs.
Later that bi-ch who had her fun, decided to drop the case. I
was off the hook.
I started thinking. Can i live with this changed person
long enough? She has changed. And what was the problem with her ?
But i was saying to myself. Maybe i give in to her,
maybe have a nice talk to her to solve the problem. Nothing
works, I even brought a self help book on 'what woman really wants
from men" to help save this relationship. She was not open to
suggestion nor try to improve herself. I am the one who is
constantly changing to suit her. She thinks i am very mafan and a
pain in the ass. And disgusting.
Just to explain alittle about her. She was bring up in a very
unhealthy background. Her mother has died when she was very young.
Her father has left. She was brought up by grandmother. Quit school
at very young age. And dated many different guys. Even her health
was quite bad. She does drinking from time to time. She did not
cared about her own personal well-being. A human walking
self destructive person. I readed somewhere if a person doest love
him/herself it is impossible for such pple to love others. They
have to love themselves first. It is impossible to talked to her
and show her affection. I been there done that. In a
scale of rating i considered myself to be very nice
& understanding person already. A nearly perfect bf i
have to say. A sane average joe would have ditch this kind of
negative individual off in 3 seconds. When my pay
came every end of month. I would bring her out to enjoy
alittle and brought her branded stuffs here and then. With the
little money i have, i hope and sincerely want her to enjoy the
finer things in life and stop being so negative and love each
other. Since i live in luxury life before, I do not indulge in it
and do not mind. I give it to my gf to enjoy. I start her to
learn use branded stuffs like Clinique. I brought a whole set
of the package worth 1k plus to pamper and love herself. I brought
her a little small diamond ring, high end bags and clothes now
and then. After paying rent to my friend. I am left very little
money. And was fine with it. I also have a debt of 15k that i occur
up from friends when i was very down. I could not afford to pay it
back now and most of mine friends shun and avoided me
now.
I am not complaining or watever. I just hope that we are united
and help each other along to face the hard future. It is all gone
now. I told her from the beginning that i will work for the moment
and think of something out so that we can get married. A simple
marriage would do. But i have to save first and clear debt. Now the
rules has changed. She is expecting and i seriously do not have the
funds for it. I do not have any money left each month. Sometime
have to borrow around again to support the two of us. I am working
alone and i am tired. She can go fu ck spider with her resume. It
is a joke. I rather her stay at home and keep her mouth shut. I
will support her.
I have carefully think and ponder on it..This is wrong timing. I
made my decision based on many factors. The results is clearly
telling me that termination is the most favourable way. It put an
end to everything. And give me time to build up my money. And think
wheater really this girl is the one for me long term. Other is i am
afraid the child born out will be very weak and sick like her. My
plan was to when the time really come. I would buy her health and
good tonic to consume.
My planning doest go accordingly. She doest want to..and
doest want to listen. I am screwed both ways. As for people
saying that i should't do it with her. Please do be
realistic . Put two person together under one roof in a bed
even if they hate each other to the core. Dun tell me it will not
happen.
Stressed
Le Toro