Hi all, i've joined sgforums and its been about two years
already. Posted replies in some forums here and there, but this is
the first time i start a new topic, and i hope to find some good
advice from you guys.
I've been with my boyfriend for about two years already. We went
through alot just to get together, therefore i cherished this
relationship and i love him really really much. And our
relationship is nearly perfect. But here's the problem: I get
jealous too easily, and I'm very scared this will jeopardize our
relationship.
We had a few quarrels here and there, and most of the time, it
is because of my jealousy problem. I know sometimes there's nothing
much for me to worry about, because i know he is a good guy, but
yet when we are out together, there are times when i can't help but
feel insecure when a pretty girl walks by and his eyes happen to be
glancing at her. Or when he mentions about his ex-crush, i just get
that green feeling i cannot shake away.
I've looked at advices on the internet. Issues pertaining to low
self-esteem, therefore it brings about insecurity issues leading to
jealousy. All of this, i've read before. Sometimes i even tell
myself, 'dont say anything sarcastic' when he is mentioning
something to me about the opposite sex, but sometimes, my mouth
doesnt go in sync with my brain, and I've said things i've really
dont mean it.
How do you guys overcome the feeling of jealousy? Please advise,
because I really don't want to lose this relationship..
Thanks people. :)
Hi. I'm not any expert or nor I have sufficient experience to
give advice. However I do have a female friend who is in her mid
20s having the similar issues. It got her into a very bad shape
knowing she herself is the problem, not the guy.
Anyway the counsellor she spoke to, identified 2 issues.
Insecurity and Low Emotional Control. You found an answer to
Insecurity, ie is to improve your self-esteem. However reading from
the web is grossly insufficient to really improve it. I'm sure if
you had read enough, you'll realised it take months to improve
yourself significantly. Self esteem is something that takes time
and a whole lot of self committment to improve. It encompasses your
whole life, not just in your relationship with your bf.
The other often overlooked thing is our ability to control our
emotions. In your post, you gave a very good example of your lower
control.
"Sometimes i even tell myself, 'dont say anything sarcastic'
when he is mentioning something to me about the opposite sex, but
sometimes, my mouth doesnt go in sync with my brain, and I've said
things i've really dont mean it."
Say Person A let Person B and C down in a business project. Both
B & C reacted with anger. B went and smashed up A's office, but
C just moved on. C has more emotional control than B.
Maturity. A mature person have better emotional control. It
takes even more discipline to have emotional control. Humans are
ruled by emotions. To have control over emotions, you rule
yourself.
Goodluck in your quest.
