Problems with Parents

last SG · 2008-10-15T00:05:34+00:00

No no, I am not telling him what to do...it is his decision to stay in this path and try it out for the next one year. The few times he said he wants to quit...

rainee SG

haha...this parn will always stand out from others one. rainee what's ya view abt parn's view.

some parents,like yours treat having children machiam like 'cash cow'. to bring them up to only benefit themselves materially.There's no love here. Manipulative parents will always like to tie their children down using our culture as an excuse.

but in regards to what parn have said it's a very grey line...maybe u can describe to us abt ya childhood.From there we can analysis.

rainee..just think it this way.ya dad was the breadwinner when ur younger right? does he did wad he tink was necessary without consulting ya mum and u all? since ur the breadwinner for them now, i believe u should do the same. If u deem what is right for survival part by all means do it dun consult them.they might just 'sabotage ya plan only' with their outdated mindset.After all, if u fall, they will fall also.If u collapse, they will as well.

I was abused when I was younger...beaten up until very badly, sometimes will see bruises on my arms. Got one time they tried to drown me in a pail of water but I managed to escape. A few times they tore my books and threw it down the rubbish chute.

I don't think I want to elaborate anymore. It is dragging up a past which I would rather forget. Suffice to say it is not a very pleasant experience and I can't bring myself to forget it until now.

BadzMaro SG

i tink let's not just shoot rainee by her saying "maybe one of them will pass away by that time"

life is unpredictable lor.. i had a fren who's one of the parent who passed away early... parents will always say "i might just pass away 2mrw"..

Reasonable parents should not even use this as a threat. It is totally uncalled for in my opinion eventhoght my parents did use it before. Like how my dad said the same thing if i did no go back take over the business. My mum too. They may think its motivating us, but it may also create unnecessary tension. It may just further deepen the resentment towards each other.

jojobeach SG

are you sure you're not adopted ?

maybe that;s why they treated you this way.. and now use you as a retirement account.

gigabyte14 SG

Do you not love your parents? Why would you even think they're bugging you or even a burden to you?

I can't believe you even thinking about one of them passing away in 6 or 7 years time!And how would you feel if next time your children also think the same way about you and your husband?

I don't believe if you say you cannot afford to even have a wedding dinner in Malaysia. Do you think your parents really wanted you to hold the dinner in a 5star hotel? Why don't you ask them about it?

I'm sure they loved you and misses you very much and that's why they are still in contact with you and frequent.

I don't believe a person without morals like you can even be a teacher, and your husband who married you is also not a nice guy in real life or he's just a blind man.

You can NEVER repay the love, attention, time, that your parents have spent on you. Do you really think your money is that great and it's fair enough for you to repay them?

Touch your own heart and conscience and forget about the money or your bank a/c for once, and LOVE your parents before it's too late!

You must have forgotten one thing, YOUR HUSBAND CAN ALWAYS LEAVE AND FORSAKE YOU FOR ANOTHER WOMAN, BUT YOUR PARENTS WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU!!!

Don't focus too much on money and status, even if you are multi-millionaires in real life, you are still poor and wretched as a person. Cos you have failed to show love and respect to your parents as a human and you have failed to embrace that ability that only humans are capable of doing so.

Can you still considered yourself as human? You're worse than an animal. Even my dogs and cats know how to express love to me better than you can show love to your parents.

fuck off la, this is a serious thread

no need for trolls to come here

rainee SG

as i stated in my post just now do u tink there's love from rainee's parent in this case?

or they just treated her as a cash cow(investment) right from the beginning?

the way i see is the latter.

I have always felt they treated me as the latter....

sadly.

rainee SG

The way i see it. Damnit.. just organise a small wedding dinner. Super small one to 'show face' . Delay the house. Accelerate the banquet.

Unless u can work some compromise with ur parents , the only solution i can see in a win win scenario is that. Like scaling back the allowance for the banquet atm. Remember, immediately after it, make it known to ur parents that u have did ur best. You love them as parents but if they would want any communication, discussion, tell them to leave u alone in ur work. There is no point creating a scene, u are the future now. U are earning the money. And its just not in u or thier best interest to come n bust ur balls in the office. Everyone lose. U lose, they lose..

From what u tell us , ur parents are not being very reasonable. But there may be like that because of thier conservative nature, it is extremely important to them? So put urself in thier shoes.If its sooooo gawd damn important. Then what the hell.. get it over n done with.

There is always a way.

But they want me to get the house first...last time I said why not I do the banquet first, then focus on the house. They dun wan and created a big fuss until finally we agreed to get a house before holding the banquet.

youyayu SG

your parents... really too much...

BadzMaro SG

Then get a house first lo! I am sure u thougt about that also.

Lets focus on the issues here. And find a solution later.

Lets systematically tackle every issue. That is the only way to come up with a win-win situation.

rainee SG

I'm not asking you to quit your job. All you need to do is let them know there's nothing to gain if they press further.

Why are you so afraid of your own parents ?

Afraid they will come here and cause trouble la. They dun think I will get into trouble if they come here and create a scene. So when they get angry or frustrated they will just do whatever that comes into their mind and forget all about the consequence. If I lose my job, they will just scold me and blame everything on me. Like if I didn't behave in this way, they wouldn't need to come and create a scene, and I wouldn't lose my job. That's the kind of excuses which are their favourites.

jojobeach SG

Haiz.... girl.. your parents want you to marry a rich guy.

I think your current hubby is not rich enough for your parents to dig gold.

You decide what you want with your life.

BadzMaro SG

Meaning.. ur parents are reckless. Are they really that reckless ? If they are, u have just narrowed ur options down to a few viable solutions.

aHGer^83 SG

reasonable parents will still say that to u one... to us, it's a threat. to them, it's a fact.

my mom and granny always say that one..

if u wanna know how long ur dad/mom will live, u see when ur ancestors die lor.... if u mom side de women, most of them passed away in their 80s, means ur mom will die in her 80s too... if u dad side de men most of them passed away in their 40s, meaning ur dad will pass away in his 40s too.... it's a fact n trend i have seen in my family....

rainee SG

Actually ah.. not say squeeze them lah.

In the first place hor.. Rainee.. you shouldn't have told your parents you need to scale down the ceremony or push back the Housing purchase .. because you are broke or have not enough money lah.

Because when you do that.. you are putting your hubby in very bad light ...

Your parents will think your hubby is broke.. and cannot afford to give you a good life.

So naturally.. they will get upset... afterall... they probably think their precious dotter deserves someone more capable lah.

You shoulda just tell them it is all your personal preference.. nothing to do with finances.

Never told them that I want to scale down the ceremony. I just told them said I want more time. Cos it is clear that I do not have enough money to pay for everything right now.

When I married him, my parents know that both of us are just average in terms of income. It is not like I am marrying someone who is a millionaire. I am not ashamed of this fact. I chose him not because of how much money he has, but because of his personality, etc. So now it is kinda unfair if they blame him for not being able to get a house and hold a banquet at the same time because before we got married we did explain to them that all this will take time to organise and hold.

xiiaostarry SG

It is not that I don't want to hold it, I am just asking for more time. Asking for more time doesn't mean that I am refusing to hold the banquet altogether. They have to understand that I do not have so much money to hold it right now.

Even if I hold it in Malaysia, it will still cost a lot as I have to do the photoshoot and everything to show the relatives...otherwise my parents would say make them lose face again...

I have already given them my attention everytime I go back home...they seem to be ok when I went back last weekend...I even treated them to lunch and chit-chatted with them for hours even when I was really not feeling well...

Oh well...their behavior is always not predictable...

That's true..still got photoshoot..

I know of someone who got herself in quite a similar situation also..In the end, she've got to choose the cheapest wedding photoshoot (That only entitles you to 1 wedding gown design for the whole photoshoot & only a few photos)..And, budget dinner (Which her parents ridiculed her for "throwing their face again)

She has been regretting up till now loh..Cuz is most gals' dream to have a lavish wedding..But, cuz of her parents..She've got to resort to the most budget (& cheapo like what she said) wedding =.='''

Anyway, this is your wedding orh =D Stick to whatever decisions that your hubby & you feel comfy with..Stay happy & cheerful mah~

P.S : Gratz on getting married ^.^

rainee SG

Then get a house first lo! I am sure u thougt about that also.

Lets focus on the issues here. And find a solution later.

Lets systematically tackle every issue. That is the only way to come up with a win-win situation.

Yes, we are thinking of that. That's why we are getting it next year.

But there is no way for us to hold the banquet oso next year because after getting the house, confirm all our savings will be spent buying the house, renovating it and also buying furnitures + appliances.

aHGer^83 SG

Thank you, you understand what is going on in my head =)

I am not saying that as a way of cursing them to die in few years time, I am just bringing up the possibility and what action should I take should it happen. There is a difference for those who are not aware yet.

belief it or not, my granny already planned her own funeral... she bought the shou yi and shoes liaoz... now she say she only wanna fine a good coffin and whr she wanna sleep.... the rest of the stuff like the taoist band who chants, she say have to see market price by the time she pass away.... $$$ wise, we just have to fork out the balance.. that's all....

rainee SG

Haiz.... girl.. your parents want you to marry a rich guy.

I think your current hubby is not rich enough for your parents to dig gold.

You decide what you want with your life.

I know what I want in a husband...I will not let him become a gold mine to my parents even if he is rich. Even when he offers to help pay for my parents' allowances oso I rejected.

rainee SG

Meaning.. ur parents are reckless. Are they really that reckless ? If they are, u have just narrowed ur options down to a few viable solutions.

What are the solutions? can you list them down here?

jojobeach SG

reasonable parents will still say that to u one... to us, it's a threat. to them, it's a fact.

my mom and granny always say that one..

Harlow.. life is very unpredictable ok ?

You think only parents will pass away earlier than the child meh?

Don't you know that you also cannot predict when your child will die ?

In this precarious world.. no one has a fix life span.

There are many causes to shorten ones life..

Most important is you live a full life.. be it short or long.. and you let your child live a happy and fullfilling life.. be it short or long.

You don't make a person miserable just so you can be happy.. that is very selfish ok ? Good.

rainee SG

That's true..still got photoshoot..

Anyway, this is your wedding orh =D Stick to whatever decisions that your hubby & you feel comfy with..Stay happy & cheerful mah~

P.S : Gratz on getting married ^.^

Thanks for the well wishes =)

Yes, I do not wish to rush and compromise on everything until it turns up in a way I do not want it to be. I want to take my time to organise something which will make me and my guests happy, so definitely need more money + more saving time.

Actually I dunno what they are so worried about, I am not even asking them to contribute to the banquet fund. Ever since I turned 18 I have not asked them for a single cent, everything inc. my food, etc I have paid on my own.

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