Problems with Parents

last SG · 2008-10-15T00:05:34+00:00

No no, I am not telling him what to do...it is his decision to stay in this path and try it out for the next one year. The few times he said he wants to quit...

BadzMaro SG

reasonable parents will still say that to u one... to us, it's a threat. to them, it's a fact.

my mom and granny always say that one..

if u wanna know how long ur dad/mom will live, u see when ur ancestors die lor.... if u mom side de women, most of them passed away in their 80s, means ur mom will die in her 80s too... if u dad side de men most of them passed away in their 40s, meaning ur dad will pass away in his 40s too.... it's a fact n trend i have seen in my family....

Yeah but still..

We have known this since super young. Its been imprinted in our minds that it is inevitable our parents will pass away some day. We all have witnessed the grief and sorrow of our parents towards the passing of thier parents. Instead of using it to keep on reminding us, i do not see why they should put this kind of fear into us constantly and and especially unwarranted.. We have acknolwedged it and its not like we are out of control wasting parents money with gambling and/or doing all those things that are not considered.. filial in our culture.

Not especially when the kidshave gone through, blossomed under a broken family with broken marriage and have made the parents proud not just academically but as persons of character, publically acknowledged as a good son/daughter, regardless of the abuse and loneliness when young.. man.. just talking about it fuels the anger within me. But i have looked past that...

But ur point regarding the nature of longevity attributes to past generations is well worth the observation.

hisoka SG

I say before le, you need to consider putting your foot down.

Obligation has its limits. Warn them provide for them, but if they really push too hard, then you must push back. You can restore the favours later, but you must show that you are willing and can do it.

But in the meantime, just handle them and insist on doing it the way you think best?

aHGer^83 SG

Harlow.. life is very unpredictable ok ?

You think only parents will pass away earlier than the child meh?

Don't you know that you also cannot predict when your child will die ?

In this precarious world.. no one has a fix life span.

There are many causes to shorten ones life..

Most important is you live a full life.. be it short or long.. and you let your child live a happy and fullfilling life.. be it short or long.

You don't make a person miserable just so you can be happy.. that is very selfish ok ? Good.

huh? i dun get wad u mean...

wad i was trying to say is that, i know life is unpredictable.. let's take it that no accident and u dun commit suicide or anything lah.....

but if u seek to shorten ur own life or u sway sway meet accident, den really bo bian... but rainee's parents wont go n do such stupid things like committing suicide to shorten their own life right?

if say meet accident, den really, my condolences...

BadzMaro SG

What are the solutions? can you list them down here?

Well, one of it can be that u tell ur parents, that u wont get pregnant until u have a banquet. N u explain to them, that will be at least, 6 months or so AFTER u have bought ur house due to financial situations etc.. like u said how u need to do the house, furniture. Hey i know its tough. I also got a house. N only just did my kitchen. N cost me 18K just for kitchen reno. U gotta constantly drill it into thier heads.

You tell them ur willingness to compromise has show them that u respect them and wish that they in turn respect you and support ur decisions. Or shit.. is gonna go downhill. And both side is not gonna happy, n tell them they wont be craddling thier precious grandchild to sleep if this kind of BULLSHIT continues.

rainee SG

Yeah but still..

But ur point regarding the nature of longevity attributes to past generations is well worth the observation.

You have spoken my mind...other parents have commented how I have made my parents proud in terms of my education and also my career...not that I am bragging, but I am considered to be in a much better situation and my parents' life is considerably better compared to others. I dun understand why can't they be grateful for all they have gotten now instead of keep pushing me for more and stressing me out.

Actually it has always been like this since I was young...whatever I have done, it is never enough. Like how they have always complained that my job sucks and make them lose face (I do not know why they hate me going into the teaching line)...they never realised that it is with this job that they are able to enjoy their retirement life now...

Whatever I have done, it is always seen as something which makes them lose face...never for once they have told me that I make them proud...they never even attended my graduation ceremony...should I be blamed for not being able to feel close to them?

rainee SG

I say before le, you need to consider putting your foot down.

But in the meantime, just handle them and insist on doing it the way you think best?

Yea, I think we will just continue to do it our own way, which is get the house first then settle the banquet. Meanwhile have to just ignore all the fuss and noise my parents are making.

aHGer^83 SG

but really lor.. it's very stupid of ur parents to keep stressing u to hold banquet and buy hse at the same time....if one day they lose u, im sorry to say it, but they deserve it....

rainee SG

huh? i dun get wad u mean...

wad i was trying to say is that, i know life is unpredictable.. let's take it that no accident and u dun commit suicide or anything lah.....

but if u seek to shorten ur own life or u sway sway meet accident, den really bo bian... but rainee's parents wont go n do such stupid things like committing suicide to shorten their own life right?

if say meet accident, den really, my condolences...

Well, they have threatened me enough time by saying they will commit suicide...and before they commit suicide, they will come over and make sure I am dead first...

They will say this each time I am trying to make them see my difficulties and when they sense they can't win the argument anymore...

So that's why it makes it even harder for me to talk and explain things to them...

jojobeach SG

Unfortunately.. it seems.. you will never be able to satisfy them.

You will never be good enough.. no matter how hard you try.

So.. instead of constantly pushing yourself to make them happy.. which is next to impossible..

Why don't you just make yourself happy instead ?

rainee SG

I have been drilling that into their head constantly...they dun seem to understand just how much I need to pay to get a house here sigh. They think it is like in Malaysia where they can get a house by paying just a few thousands for downpayment....

aHGer^83 SG

Well, they have threatened me enough time by saying they will commit suicide...and before they commit suicide, they will come over and make sure I am dead first...

They will say this each time I am trying to make them see my difficulties and when they sense they can't win the argument anymore...

So that's why it makes it even harder for me to talk and explain things to them...

WTF???!!!!!

den i suggest u go for DNA......

rainee SG

but really lor.. it's very stupid of ur parents to keep stressing u to hold banquet and buy hse at the same time....if one day they lose u, im sorry to say it, but they deserve it....

Yea, sometimes I wonder what is the last straw that I am able to tolerate.

One day when I can't tolerate it anymore, I have the idea of just migrating overseas without telling them so that they will not be able to find me anymore and pester me with all this. Then they will truly know what is the meaning of suffering.

Sorry guys, I am just ranting here...this incident just raked up a lot of unpleasant memories in my mind...I dun usually think about them anymore...

BadzMaro SG

Tell them to be proud of you. And stop comparing. STOP COMPARING DAMNIT!!!

My dad also never attended my older bro's graduation. Cause he decided not to go back work for my dad. He still thinks my older bro make him lose face. But my bro is making it big man..ffs! hello! My bro also felt alot of resentment towards my parents , but he is the oldest, wisest and most patient and soft spoken one out of us sibling, he reigned us in together to be patient with our parents choices in the past.

Anyways, i feel you... i know waht u mean. Ur proudest moment and ur parnets not there.. for me is my dad is mostly never there. My mum..at least.. on 1 or 2 occasions... empty seats.U know how that feels! farK! How about OUR face.

haiz...

jojobeach SG

Actually hor.. what has the house gota do with them ah ?

Are they planning on moving into the house you buying ?

This house.. is your marital home leh..not theirs leh.

BadzMaro SG

Thats why u bring them along with u. To experience the procedures. U have to.

rainee SG

Unfortunately.. it seems.. you will never be able to satisfy them.

You will never be good enough.. no matter how hard you try.

So.. instead of constantly pushing yourself to make them happy.. which is next to impossible..

Why don't you just make yourself happy instead ?

Yea, I have come to terms with the thought that I will never be able to satisfy them. No matter what I am doing, there is always someone much better, whom they will use to compare me against.

I am trying my best to live my life happily here and still fulfill my responsibility as a filial daughter, but they are making things difficult for me.

And I don't think I am adopted, there was once upon a time when I did think about that but I have done the sufficient investigation...dun think so.

youyayu SG

Well, they have threatened me enough time by saying they will commit suicide...and before they commit suicide, they will come over and make sure I am dead first...

They will say this each time I am trying to make them see my difficulties and when they sense they can't win the argument anymore...

So that's why it makes it even harder for me to talk and explain things to them...

your parents deserve to be abandon...

sorry to say this but..

your parents its so childish...
over this kind of things they want to commit suicide..

tell them this..
"money or me"

And don't they having savings? i can only see me asking money from my parents but they nv ask from me*

rainee SG

Actually hor.. what has the house gota do with them ah ?

Are they planning on moving into the house you buying ?

This house.. is your marital home leh..not theirs leh.

Yea, that's is another thing I am worrying about actually. I scared after I get the house already they would want to move in once they know there are empty rooms...

rainee SG

Tell them to be proud of you. And stop comparing. STOP COMPARING DAMNIT!!!

haiz...

They cannot stop comparing. It is like ingrained inside their genes already. They compared me to my friends, my cousins, everyone they can think of.

Yea, I got think in that way also...what about my face when they are forever talking about theirs...they have made me lose face times and again when they created scenes in my office etc but I have never brought it up again. But of course that doesn't mean that I have forgottten them...

rainee SG

Thats why u bring them along with u. To experience the procedures. U have to.

Yes, I am planning to bring them once I have chosen the house..but now is still early. Once I have narrowed down our choices of houses then I will bring them and let them see how much we are going to pay for everything...

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