Thank you for reading this topic, please read with an open mind.
Advice will be taken and read with gratefulness. Those who could
not understand and cant accept the story, kindly respect the
situation as no one knows and expects what is going to happen in
life. We only live once.
I am in love with a married woman. She told me that she love me
and is in a dilema. She do not know what to do.
I initate a clear break up thru sms but when we met up the
following days, we still ended up together as there are still
feelings for each other.
Can someone give me advice? What should I do? I am in love with
her and she know it. How can I: -
i) Make it even clearer to her that I wan her and be with her?
(this is to show her that I am true to her and is sincere)
ii) know that she wan to be with me too (since she say she is in
a dilema, i guess it should be me, the guy, to ensure her, however,
I wan to make sure she is not just wanting to be with me to escape
from her current relationship)
Have you examined what makes you fall in love with her in the
first place? What are her qualities that has attracted you and are
those qualities easily lost (e.g. looks) with the passing of time
or will they stand the test of time much like how some wine taste
better with age?
What about yourself? What is it in you that made you like a girl
like her?
You mentioned that you initiated a clear break. I guess
apparently, you also do realize that it is difficult to have a
future involving someone still in a marriage.
Your questions:
i) Make it even clearer to her that I wan her and be with her?
(this is to show her that I am true to her and is sincere)
Like you said in your below question: you do not want her to
leave her marriage using you as an excuse and an escape. As much as
you do love being with her, I would suggest in a situation like
this, love her from a distance (don't meet if
possible) or in a more layman term (just to simplify things), love
her like a very good friend. Give as much as you can as you would
do for a very good friend but keep the physical
distance. Try to meet up in more public places or even if you need
isolation (so that maybe she feels safe to talk), meet at places
that are less crowded (maybe a quiet cafe).
If you really do love her, want the best for her and respect
yourself, in my humble opinion, love her as a friend for now.
Let her know the reasons why but more importantly,
tell her that you would only say this once and
then honour your words. Encourage her to
find other friends to talk to, show her other
alternatives.
This would show you as a man of your words and you
DO stand by what you say, rather than
contradicting your stand of a break and then going back to her
again.
ii) know that she wan to be with me too (since she say she is in
a dilema, i guess it should be me, the guy, to ensure her, however,
I wan to make sure she is not just wanting to be with me to
escape from her current relationship)
If she really do want to be with you, ask her to ask herself,
how much is she willing to go through for you. Then again, it's
rather contradicting if you were to ask her (or
even subconsciously expect her) to do that. Why?
As stated in your question above, you do not want her to be with
you as an escape from her relationship, but with her current
situation right now, she do need a strong pillar
to be there for her should she muster up the courage to leave her
relationship.
Therefore, you should not be the sole reason for her to walk out
of her troubled relationship. The main pushing factor should be
that it is not in her interest to continue a flawed relationship.
She should be able to realize that it will not be in her best
interest nor happiness, to live the rest of her life in a troubled
marriage.
Yes, as a guy (and a friend too), you need to look after her
interest. Instead of assuring to be around her as a lover (because
no one ever knows what will truly happen in the path of love), give
her encouragements as a friend and if her
relationship is really troubled, get her to open up her own
eyes to see and ask her if she wants that for the
remaining days of her future. That said, you need to take
everything in stride if she chooses to give her relationship
another chance and tries to salvage her marriage once more (this is
something however hard you will need to face up to). Even if she
chooses to wallow in her futile marriage, that is also her
choice. Let her know her options and tell her that she
is not trapped, in fact, there are decisions that she can
make.
For yourself, in order to stand by your principle and respect
yourself, tell her gently but firmly that there
are limits to what you can do for her, for you need to
protect your own heart too. Tell her that it would be best
for the both of you to begin all over again once she's done with
her issues, not that you are heartless in the first place (I think
this is a very important point to be made clear to her, she
needs to know this) to want to shrug her off while she is
facing problems, but in order to begin a healthy
relationship with you (let her know that you are
interested in a relationship with her but only a healthy one at
that), she will need to learn how to tackle her
own issues. That is why it is important to point out to her
all the other alternatives she has in perhaps her folly
blindness and single-mindedness fail to see, in the midst of her
relationship woes.
Here's a very popular quote floating around on the net:
If you love someone, set her free...
If she comes back, she's yours,
If she doesn't, she never was...
Above are in the points of a female forumnite - me 
