I met my first love 5 years ago. Up till now, I have not
forgotten about him even though we did not officially meet up for
the past 4 years. But we did bump into each other on the streets
before.
It happened when I joined my first company after I graduated
form poly. A colleague introduced him to me. He was working in the
same company as well. At that time, he had broken up with his gf
for about a year but had not gotten over her. Things started off
pretty normal between us. We went out, chatted a few times on the
phone and exchanged smses. I treated him like a frd that time and
was very concerned about him because he seemed to be torned after
the breakup. Love was the last thing on my mind because I thought
that I can never fall in love with a much older man like him (he
was 9 yrs my senior).
During the times when we were out together, he did say that his
colleagues brought him to nightclubs/ktvs and I actually found out
that he had been misleading girls and telling them that he likes
them and want to be their bfs. The colleague who introduced us also
told me that he heard that he had been frequenting those places. At
first, I only felt sorry and sad for him because I know he must
have been too hurt and crushed from his previous relationship. I
asked him about his previous relationship and he said that his ex
left him for an insurance agent she knew after meeting up twice.
She did not break up with him but passed the message through his
sister. She also told him that even if her relationship with the
new guy did not turn out well, she will not return to him, citing
the reason that he had been insensitive/inattentive towards.
As you would have anticipated, I gradually and unknowingly fell
in love with him. I think he felt it and kept his distance. I asked
him about it and he said he was afraid that he is treating me as a
substitute. I appreciated his honesty and respect his decision. So
I avoided him as well. But we continued to sms each other.
However, as times go by, I felt I had fallen deeper in love.
Once, I tried to call him to talk about us but he avoided my call.
From there, I tried to save myself by withdrawing. After some time,
he smsed me again. I ignored him but he persisted. Then we came
back into contact. This happened a few times. We seemed unable to
break away from each other or maybe I was jus weak and he was just
lonely. There was once for about a year or two, I managed to ignore
him completely. He continued to sms despite not having any response
from me. He went to the extent of pretending to be his
frd and msged me using another number. Initially, I did not suspect
anything. The "frd" asked about my feelings towards his frd and I
naively revealed that I did like him a lot but he will never get to
find out. The smses between me and him continued and one day I
decided to stop contacting him as well because I felt that I like
talking to him. I felt that it was very wrong of me to keep in
touch with the frd of someone I like, behind his back. At the same
time, I began to feel suspicious and check on the mobile number. To
my horror, the number belonged to him. I was crushed. I told him
that I can never trust him again.
The smses still came. Sometimes I would ignore them and
sometimes I would just tell him to take care and forget about me.
This year, my family shifted house. And we happened to shift to the
block beside him. On the day of his birthday, I wished him thru
sms. He asked me if I can still trust him. I told him that trust
takes time. We resumed contact in the two weeks. One day, he asked
me if I was interested to go on a short trip with him. I was happy
but felt it was awkward at the same time but I did not asked him
anything. After 2 weeks, I realised that he still did not take any
action in wanting to meet up and catch up with him. I sent him an
email telling him that he was still confused and probably he just
felt bored and myabe that is why he chose to restrict our contact
within smses. I also told him about how I felt about the trip.
He did not reply to the email. I asked to talk to him but he
avoided my call again. From there, I changed my number and sent him
an email to tell me that I have already changed my number and if we
were meant to be, we would get to see each other again.
Weeks went by and we really did see each other on the streets.
He emailed me to tell me that he saw me But I never replied
him.
Can anyone make sense of his behavior?
