It's a long true life story. Ironically, at times, I will think
about what I actually want in life.
Friends term my current life as 'fantastic'; but is it really
that fantastic, that fulfilling?
I have a good job, supportive family and a great fiance -
perceived by others.
I agree on the family portion, but doubtful about the rest.
Four years with my fiance - we are still in a BGR. Love is never
a comparison between two separate individuals. We can never compare
who gave more, who gave less. But at times, I do compare; human
nature?
Let's start from the beginning.
I was in my final year of Poly when I met him. We became very
good friends.
When I graduated, we met up more often; he knew I would be
going to the States for my uni studies. At that time, we aren't
together yet.
Ultimately, I went for a leisure trip with my family first
before heading straight to the States from there. At the night
before I left for the States, he sent me a sms asking me to come
back to Singapore. He said he wanted to be with me.
I had a talk with my parents; we decided to postpone my studies
till a year later. In the meantime, I can either do odd jobs or
take up short courses.
I chose to take up a uni course locally; but it doesn't bind me
to Singapore as it's a 'own time own target' course where u are
given 10yrs to complete.
A year later, my parents reminded me of the promise to go to the
States, I told him. He replied me with 'The day u board the plane
for the States, will be the day this relationship ceased.'
I was heart-broken; he knew I came back a year ago for him; he
knew I had to leave a year later. But ~~
My dad was persistent; he asked me for days when I wanted to go.
I remained silent; when I finally missed the dateline, I was sad. I
didn't have the courage to talk to my parents, for fear of how
disappointed they would feel.
I stayed, and continued on my uni here. I deferred a total of 3
times of my exams; because of him. He would sms me two days before
my exams, telling me how cold this relationship had became, how
insecure this relationship has became, we had both changed, etc
etc. I would have to spend the next few days assuring him,
telling him everything is perfectly fine.
Even when I was preparing for my exams, he would text me, call
me to ask what time I would be free to meet up. I would tell him
that I would text him once I had finished my revision for the day.
But alas, he still would call me every hour; until I gave up and
agreed to meet him. I practically gave up revising; but his
reaction? Instead of meeting me a while, for dinner or some window
shopping, and sending me back to continue my revision, he would
insist on hanging out till wee hours. Even if my exam is the next
day, he would insist on going back at 3am.
If u all were wondering why couldn't I just leave or scold him;
alas, no, I can't. Because once I leave or scold, he would turn
into the pessimistic kind again and start wondering about the
relationship.
During the first year, he would meet his friends, had family
gatherings etc. Before I meet his family, we only met up once every
two weeks, on weekdays. Weekends were mahjong session for him;
because that's the way his family communicate i.e. via mahjong - he
claimed.
When I finally met up with his family, I was dragged into all
the different gatherings they have to the extend of I was seeing
them more than my own family. Not only that, even when we were out,
his mother would call at any hour of the day jus to get us to run
errands like, fetching his grandma home, buy food, bring his sis
to c doc etc. FYI, they have two cars at home. We drove one
out, they still have the other. Even if we didn't drive out, they
would call and ask us to take public back to run the errands.
He would gladly drag me back.
Being a typical plus ignorant female, obviously I wasn't happy
about all these things, but I felt since he was good to me, I felt
it was ok.
Until the day when the 'bomb' finally dropped.
He told me 'Although u have been joining me in my family and
friends gatherings, but you aren't considered family or important
to me. The reason is I haven't marry u yet.'
My entire world crashed that day.
From that day on, I told myself I have to change; I
change from a 'tag-along gal' to one who spends time with
family and friends.
For four years, sometimes I really wonder what kind of life I am
leading. He proposed two yrs ago, but up till now no action was
taken. He was enthusiatic for the first three months, thereafter,
back to his usual ways.
He didn't really hold a proper job, a proper income; he helps
out with his dad's business. Business wasn't really that
great. I have been asking him to step into the commercial
world to work, and help out at his dad's place over the weekends;
but he felt it was too taxing and rejected me.
The day he proposed he promised to find a job within three
months; he promised not to be possessive or paranoid or overly
sensitive. He promised to hunt for a flat. He promised a lot and a
lot.
But till now, two yrs later, I never see any being
fulfilled.
I know he will never leave his dad's business, so I helped
out silently, giving him all the ideas to improve the business. I
told him never to let his family know.
Business improves a lot, over the past few months. I was glad,
so was he.
There was a day, I was chatting with his mother. She mentioned
about buying a watch; I told her I saw the same exact brand
but cheaper but 50 dollars. I asked if she wanted me to get it for
her. Her reply? 'Oh, no la, I prefer to just walk into a shop,
see what I like and just get it on the spot. Who cares about
price difference?'
I was stunned. I laughed to myself, so, that's the difference
between the old business and the new business profits.
I have heard numerous times of 'Let's break up' over these four
years. Initially, I will feel sad, will want to rush to meet him
and ask him what happened.
As time passes, I got used to it; he can just ask for a break up
when I met a guy friend for dinner, when he didn't have a
conversation to talk about with my friends, when I get to know more
guy friends via online games, when I went out at midnight to
accompany my neighbour (a guy) as he's feeling down, when I intro
him as a friend instead of a fiance etc.
From the day he knew me, my friends have been mostly guys; I can
just count my girl friends with just one hand.
Whatever things u can think of, most likely he had done it.
Tailing me, checking my sms, showing me attitudes when I just said
a few words to a guy friend I met on the street, asking my alot of
Qs on all my guy friends etc.
Four years, what had I actually been doing?
At times, I do feel tired out. I couldn't tell my family or
friends. I didn't want to make them worry. Since young, I have
always been pampered, be it by friends or family.
I haven't been in good health either; that's something which my
mum has been worrying as well.
My mum once told him, 'Her dad and me have spoilt her since
young, especially her dad. We don't ask that she marries into a
rich family; but all we ask for is someone to dote on her, to love
her, to make sure she is happy always as she is now.'
(FYI, I am known as outgoing and cheerful by those who know me,
but kind of playful as I like to tease people but in a harmless
way.)
I cried on hearing those. Him? He jus went 'ok', and after that
he told me, 'Haven't I been treating u very well?' I remained
silent.
What I wrote here is just a brief summary, there's more, but I
really didn't have the courage to type out w/o tears pouring
down.
Guys and Gals out there, how would u feel?