Pride or Friendship

daigooro SG

I'm really sorry if I'm bothering you guys but I've surf SGforums forums for close to 3 years already but I never once posted before. Tonight was the first time that I felt really lost and I had no one to turn to. The person that always guided me along was the very same one that made me lost.

I got to know this friend from another one of my friend around 8 months ago. He was helping me with a project; a project involving a module that I wasn't really good in. I didn't really noticed him over time cause he was in a different class from me so we didn't really had much contact.

So by a twist of fate i found myself hanging out with him alot, through dota, through movies and etc as his class and mine were very close. So as time goes by we are really close, more of like younger brother and older brothers.

So recently I notice people talking abt us, saying how close we are and how we might be gay couples. At first it was really fine as we took it for being a joke and such. We didn't really cared abt their comments though, outsiders mah, why let them affect our friendship.

But this fateful night this friend of mine told me that if there would be another rumours of us being gay couples again he would end the friendship. I was very surprised, and I asked him why.

He said he didn't like peer pressure and he once suffered before in the past. So now if there would be peer pressure he would just leave this friendship and everyone else also. He said his pride and ego wouldn't allow him to ignore those comments made by people.

But what he said was really hurting. I thought we were good friends? Why would he let go of our friendship just because of what people say? We even promise each other that we would be the best man for each other during our weddings and yet he is unable to ignore what people say?

I really feel abit paiseh to say this but he's the very first male I shed tears for but I'm not afraid to say that I love him alot. He's a really good friend.

So can anyone advice me on what to do now in this situation of mine? I really don't know what to do and who to turn to already..

Sorry if my english sounds very weird, it's my first time posting a thread here..

XOXO,

BigBear.

soleachip SG

But this fateful night this friend of mine told me that if there would be another rumours of us being gay couples again he would end the friendship. I was very surprised, and I asked him why.

I really feel abit paiseh to say this but he's the very first male I shed tears for but I'm not afraid to say that I love him alot. He's a really good friend.

So can anyone advice me on what to do now in this situation of mine? I really don't know what to do and who to turn to already..

Sorry if my english sounds very weird, it's my first time posting a thread here..

XOXO,

BigBear.

hi daigooro,

did you tell him you'll feel hurt if he decides to leave the friendship?

what was his reply?

have you guys gotten along fine with your peers in school until the recent rumours?

Midlusionz SG

Dun understand why cant two guys be best friend -.- male with male ppl said gay .. male with female ppl said chee hong fwah >.>

av98m SG

first time I ever heard of this kind of thing....I think the people talking about you are idiots. how old are you? served NS or not?

it is usually much harder for a guy and a girl to be best friends, and remain that way.

BotaHead SG

pride or friendship?

well, since your friend has already decided that he want out from this friendship, maybe u might want to consider stop seeing him for a little while. As his good friend u have to respect him right?

I know it will be hurt but that is part of the growing up

xavier1979 SG

Friends come and go. Take heart.

Respect his decision as a friend.

Midlusionz SG

Yes, friends come and go.. A few will stand by u when in need.

Froz3nFir3 SG

Pride gets you nowhere,

But friendship can get you everywhere..

daigooro SG

Sorry I don't really know how to quote replys so I've to address them as single target..

soleachip > Yep I told him that was it fair to me and I would be hurt by it. He told me that he places himself first so he would leave..

av98m> We haven serve NS yet.. Both in year 3 liao, he's doing his FYP while I'm doing mine next sem. I dun think those people really mean it bah, maybe just joking around but my best friend couldn't really take it.. His pride is really his achille's heel, he even got angry @ me winning him in a arcade game cause I used an infinite combo

BotaHead > I respect him alot. I gave in to him alot of times already. Even time he gotten angry and loses control he threatens to end the friendship. Everytime I told him I was sorry and I didn't mean what I said that made him angry. I put the blame to myself even though I wasn't convince it was my fault at all.. But this is the only time I stood up to myself..

xavier1979 > Really no way to save it liao meh... Very wasted de lei..

Midlusionz > he said he would stand by me when i need him ahahahahah...

Froz3nFir3 > I told him this before, he said he can survive without people also..

gigabyte14 SG

please dun tell me you are studying in NP, ICT

daigooro SG

oo. Do u noe me? =x

RedizAlertz SG

I used to hav a very best fren in sec sch..i thot we were the bestest of frens. I was with no one but her, until sec 3 we changed class..tat we were drifted further & further away. I guess i was being "abandoned" then.. haha.. Well, it had been hard & the hardest years while i was in the sec sch, cos i onli sticked with her, so much so pple said i was her shadow.

But bcos i got "abandoned" by her, i hav got to know others who actually treated me who i was & kindda moulded me into wat kind of person i am now. It has been 12yrs now..I duno where is tat "bestest fren" of mine now, but the grp of pple then who took care of me & befriended me are my buddies now. They hav nvr abandon/leave me no matter how arrogant/stuborn/weirdo/less capable i am, instead, they stood & still stand by me no matter wat i do. They love me for who i am.

Jus wanna tell u, FRENZ WILL NVR ABANDON U bcos of minor things. BEST FRENZ WILL NVR LEAVE UR SIDE. But to hav best frenz, u hav to earn it.

All the best!

Daisuke-kun SG

i swear that's not my clone because of the Dai

aiya.

both of u just get a little bit apart so that seems that u guys are not gay lor.

nvr lose anything.

daigooro SG

Jus wanna tell u, FRENZ WILL NVR ABANDON U bcos of minor things. BEST FRENZ WILL NVR LEAVE UR SIDE. But to hav best frenz, u hav to earn it.

All the best!

Thank you.

I was very surprise that people would give such a truthful reply....

Anyway i told him its best we both give each other a break for now, and I'm thinking of telling him that I wanna end this friendship liao..

daigooro SG

i swear that's not my clone because of the Dai

aiya.

both of u just get a little bit apart so that seems that u guys are not gay lor.

nvr lose anything.

hahahahahaha, i not ur clone lol

ya i told him we just avoid hanging out for the time being...

i'm just very sad caiuse friendship can be this weak.... not going to believe in it anymore

RedizAlertz SG

hahahahahaha, i not ur clone lol

ya i told him we just avoid hanging out for the time being...

i'm just very sad caiuse friendship can be this weak.... not going to believe in it anymore

Oh no, dun lose hope in frenship! Frenship is the nxt best thing other than Kinship! Jus learn from experience as to who can b ur frenz, & who cant. B a trustworthy fren to others & u wll definately get back 10 times the frenship, otherwise, they jus not worthy of ur time. Anyone can hurt u, but u ll heal. Just dun shut the door to ur heart, or u ll nvr b able to hav a fren close to it.

zoragirl SG

I guess you must be quite an emotional person.

I can only say, once either party to speak of ending the friendship or lost faith in a friendship, there will be strain.

And to rebuild the friendship again, will take time.

Maybe for a guy easier to rebuild the friendship....who knows both of you will meet in NS and by then you can be buddy and work together again.

Q.C.Pak SG

Any person who does not let their ego/pride to be swayed by rumors are bound to be bind in an obstacle. If he does not overcome this obstacle, he would not find happiness in life. Have a good talk with him..if he truly cherish you as a friend, he will try to change...if not...

daigooro SG

I tried to talked to him already. I told him to reconsider our friendship, whenter or not it's worth changing/puting down his pride for it...

He said he cannot change...

So any advice on what to do next..? Cause i really ran out of ideas le

soleachip SG

Hi daigooro,

Did the nasty remarks surface only recently?

It's rather common for this to happen in friendships between males. Call it sexual revolution or homophobia, we've grown accustomed to the concept of homosexuality in our time. It's a real barrier to forming close friendships and the nagging question of when "have they crossed the line" invites rumours and gossip. Even more so in your environment.

Everyone is changing and taking shape. At this age, your peers and your best friend, including yourself are negotiating your ways into manhood. The pressure to be 'masculine' or 'macho' matters to anybody. Male pride matters to every boy and it's not something you take lightly. He needs to be accepted and don't want to be seen as a failure. Yep it's ignorant of them all, but the way I see it, hey it's an inevitable response.

Me thinks as long as you guys don't see why you two can't bunk on the same bed for a night, why be disturbed? Only when you start feeling uncomfortable then there is valid reason to fear and avoid each other.

Won't be a good idea to corner or pressure him for a decision at this stage though. The more you try convincing him the worse it gets. Let your best friend cool off for now. Maybe in time to come, he'll understand. Right now, it won't be easy to change his mind.

You seem like a sensitive soul who knows that friendships between people, particularly intimate ones forged over difficult times are very important. Just keep in mind that way before people began abusing the idea of homosexuality, it was perfectly cool for males to form a very strong bond with each other. Say lincoln and joshua speed. And plenty others to boot.

On the next move I'd make if I were you, just let it ride. Let him be for now. Don't contact him or sms him or call him. When and if you bump into him in school, just remain polite with a hi and bye.

He's going to call you and ask you what's up.

That is when you tell him you're finding the sissy label a huge pain in the ass too. And just like him, you don't wish to be seen as one. Be cool and take care kiddo.