I'm really sorry if I'm bothering you guys but I've surf
SGforums forums for close to 3 years already but I never once
posted before. Tonight was the first time that I felt really lost
and I had no one to turn to. The person that always guided me along
was the very same one that made me lost.
I got to know this friend from another one of my friend around 8
months ago. He was helping me with a project; a project involving a
module that I wasn't really good in. I didn't really noticed him
over time cause he was in a different class from me so we didn't
really had much contact.
So by a twist of fate i found myself hanging out with him alot,
through dota, through movies and etc as his class and mine were
very close. So as time goes by we are really close, more of like
younger brother and older brothers.
So recently I notice people talking abt us, saying how close we are
and how we might be gay couples. At first it was really fine as we
took it for being a joke and such. We didn't really cared abt their
comments though, outsiders mah, why let them affect our
friendship.
But this fateful night this friend of mine told me that if there
would be another rumours of us being gay couples again he would end
the friendship. I was very surprised, and I asked him why.
He said he didn't like peer pressure and he once suffered before in
the past. So now if there would be peer pressure he would just
leave this friendship and everyone else also. He said his pride and
ego wouldn't allow him to ignore those comments made by people.
But what he said was really hurting. I thought we were good
friends? Why would he let go of our friendship just because of what
people say? We even promise each other that we would be the best
man for each other during our weddings and yet he is unable to
ignore what people say?
I really feel abit paiseh to say this but he's the very first
male I shed tears for but I'm not afraid to say that I love him
alot. He's a really good friend.
So can anyone advice me on what to do now in this situation of
mine? I really don't know what to do and who to turn to
already..
Sorry if my english sounds very weird, it's my first time
posting a thread here..
XOXO,
BigBear.
Social
conformity and gender scripting.
The society we live in reward
behaviors that appeared to be gender-appropriate and punish, in
various aspect, behaviors that does not go in sync with norm are
often criticized. Eventually, much as we would like to live
according to our own ideals, it's difficult to eliminate the
negative response exuding from our environment that tries to shape
us to what the majority is like. People love to judge accordingly
to what they perceive in their own limited understand and knowledge
of what they think you, him or your relationship is.
Do you agree or disagree? Because
that answer will determine whether you bother about whatever entity
outside yourself believes in.
Apparently, social pressure is
something very real. Likely, it isn't just about the relationship;
it could be such that (1) you might display unconscious effeminate
behavior or (2) your emotional attachment to this guy is beyond
what an average guy would normally give to another guy, thus that
could possibly give rise to such a conclusion by people around you
- that you two are gay couple.
Whether this is true or not,
actually it matters little. Because as long as you are clear about
your own sexual identity, being heterosexual (unless you have
resolved an identity crisis and clarify that you are actually
homosexual), that's all that you need to know.
I know this guy, who is quite
effeminate in his mannerism and once thought he might not be
straight, but hell, he is getting married later this
year.
Sees this as an opportunity to
expand your social circle. I mean, it's good that you have a good
brother/friend that you can trust and count on, but you are still
young and it's essential that you learn to socialize with other
people, than to cling merely onto one person for companionship.
Have a healthy mix of both girls and guys in your social circle and
people with similar interest or ideals.
It's not the end of friendship
imho, just a transition that you have to manage. 
Cheers
