one-sided love

last SG · 2008-03-08T20:25:39+00:00

the reason why i wanna tell her that i loved her once,because there is a barrier between us now.let me explain the barrier:Before secondary 4, she always con...

j_dsowner SG

okay i admit, i'm female and she's female.

she was my classmate in secondary school. she wasn't in my clique yet , only around secondary 3 she joined our clique cos we ended up in the same class again after streaming.

that was when we two became extremely close, like besties.

i fell in love with her during that period of closeness and we have remained close ever since.

only till the beginning of sec 4 i intro-ed her a guy whom i know [ cos i tot i liked that guy and i was hoping that the guy liked me ]

in the end i found out the guy was jio-ing her. and soon after i've received a msg from her that they stead liao.

and yea of cos i got deeply hurt and i'm not gonna emphasis too much on that cos it'll result me in self pity again.

and now it's been 2 years since they have been together and they are still together and the problem here is,

i'm still in alot of pain whenever i tik tat she is with him, and we quarreled quite a few times when she cldn't go out with me.

but then when she is with me i feel very happy as if she is the other person in my life.

and sometimes i really do feel like telling her the truth and stuffs like that. i regretted alot not confessing to her in the past cos i almost have a feeling that she had a little feeling for me too cos i did alot alot to touch her heart many times. that's why i felt that i had a chance, but of cos ruined by that guy.

and now i'm stuck on telling her the truth. [ take note i'm still besties with her even tho we're diff sch now ]

shud i tell her that i have feelings for her for 3 years already or just kip my heart shut and wait till .. when?

once i've imagined her wedding day in the future and i reali had thoughts that i will commit suicide on that day cos i know i will feel alot of pain if i have to attend her wedding.

i even pictured myself willing to undergo sex change just to be with her for the rest of my life.

so i'm still very confused whether i should continue being good to her and wait for her or just move on. [ but i know the second option is damn hard. ]

seotiblizzard SG

xavier1979 SG

Have you confirmed your sexual alignment is towards the female of the species?

Doesn't any other guy/girl attract you?

Perhaps it's time to move on. You should wish her happiness.

j_dsowner SG

i got attracted to 3 girls in my life so far.

and she's one of them.

it's hard to move on... especially when she's gonna be like a best friend for life.

Guardx SG

"only till the beginning of sec 4 i intro-ed her a guy whom i know [ cos i tot i liked that guy and i was hoping that the guy liked me "

Just curious at the above statement.

You love the gal and you introduce a guy to her whom you think you like?

Are you a bi-sexual or a les?

think before you answer me.

FBI SG

lesbianism

gunner77 SG

very confusing.

are u trying to say u are lesbian ?

dbowie SG

Do you think she will like you in the first place ?

You stated that you both are "besties" . Some people can't be lovers after they know each other well.

What if you undergo a sex change ? Even if she says that she only likes boys, I see no reason why she will take any interest in you even if you undergo a sex change simply because you are not a male. In fact, you are just a new-lifeform stuck between the gender of male and female.

If you really feel that you will commit suicide when she gets married do wait until that day because the breaking news of Mas Selamat and the man who got killed by Police officers are rather disturbing to me right now.

Guardx SG

btw if you are serious in killing yourself please do not drag others down.

You do not want to leave is your business. There are others out there who got familes to feed. I will not pity a gal like you who wants to die becos of such a small problem.

Feel like slapping you for the sake of your parents.

Totally disgrace yourself.

popikachu SG

so the question is

"so i'm still very confused whether i should continue being good to her and wait for her or just move on. [ but i know the second option is damn hard. ]"

I guess you yourself know which is the best option just that you don't want it...
A best option doesn't means that the person who choose it will like it...
But in the end, that option is the correct one...

To wait or to move on...
I am sure you know the answer yourself best...

motoway SG

I haf nuthing to say cept that Ai Qing is Bu Neng Mian Qiang one.

I've got nuthing against gay and lesbians (provided no PDA pls) but if u really do haf feelings towards the female species, u cant force or expect ur fren to feel the same way.

And ur fren, being 2 yrs in the r/ship should be quite tight liao so.. er.. move on?

BrUtUs SG

ur chances are quite slim now... reali... can blame urself for intro them both 2gether... but all u can do now is pray tat they breakup lo... in the mean time u should oso give urself chance to meet other ppl... old one dun go new one will never come...

caleb_chiang SG

Well... it will be hard to let her know... It would be like putting a thorn inbetween you and her. She would definitely has reserves on you if your confession failed.

You got out of the closet yet?

Lorry` SG

only till the beginning of sec 4 i intro-ed her a guy whom i know [ cos i tot i liked that guy and i was hoping that the guy liked me ]

Not sure what you meant regardin this sentence in red.... so you like that guy? but you also like your friend. Are you bisexual?

so i'm still very confused whether i should continue being good to her and wait for her or just move on. [ but i know the second option is damn hard.

Because she has got a bf, you cant be nice to her anymore? hmm.. maybe you meant you dont want to hurt yourself by treating her well because you know she will not do the same thing in return (shower her love back).

First of all, you cant force love. Secondly, suicide does not solve problem. Please dont ever think bout this, ok? Thirdly, so what if you undergo sex change.... sex change does not guarantee that she will like you in return. If she likes you, she likes you. If she dont like you, no matter what you do, the result is still the same.

and now i'm stuck on telling her the truth. [ take note i'm still besties with her even tho we're diff sch now ]

I would suggest you coming out to her and see what she says. By 'coming out', i mean to tell her your sexuality.
Dont tell her what you feel towards her yet. Since you 2 are best friends, im sure she'd be willing to listen to your side of story. Come out to her, and see what she says, her opinions regarding homosexuals or bisexuals.... then later, slowly, tell her your feelings towards her. I cant guarantee what her responses will be like, but I'd suggest you to 'test' her before telling her your feelings. Else, if you are not ready to come out to her yet, I'd suggest you to ask her questions. Maybe during a casual talk, simply ask her 'so.... what do you think bout homosexuals/bixeuals?' and see what her responses are. If it's positive, then ok, come out to her.

Also, like BrUtUs have said, you should give yourself a chance to meet new people. Uhmm.... You shouldnt just revolve your life around her.... Actually I will hope you will give up on her but then you can try comin out to her (as above) and see..... Maybe it will be a turn of events? She might be a bisexual. Well.... Who knows?

Also, chances are slim.... The girl you like is probably straight (i dont know but likely). And straight like opposite sex. So yea. You cant expect a straight to love you, just like you cant expect a homosexual to fall in love with a straight person.

Regardless of straight or not, it sucks to not able to tell how you feel to the person you love.... This applies to ALL of us - straight, gay, bi

Cheers

j_dsowner SG

i know my story is something that is not important to be worth wasting my life like that but i sincerely hope people out there can understand and feel the same way as i do.

it is already so hard for me to keep this secret for 3 years inside myself without even confiding in any friends at all.

i even had friends who came n asked me whether i liked her but i just kept saying no no no. because i know that my friends will treat me differently if i said yes [ this is true because my secret nearly got leaked and i saw their reactions towards me before ]

and one more thing is that i am not forcing my friend to feel the same way. i just wanna let her know.

" Regardless of straight or not, it sucks to not able to tell how you feel to the person you love.... This applies to ALL of us - straight, gay, bi "

and this sentence from lorry has really touched me cos it really summarises my pain and difficulty being a best friend towards her while having feelings. it really really sucks and it's very painful just like example u are a guy and u are best friends with a girl and u have feelings for that girl. i'm sure you as a guy is in a lot of pain. but however you have a choice to confess and will not be looked down upon society and face many problems unlike me.

and yah i previously thought i liked the guy but my feelings was unclear at that moment cos the period of time was too short to fall in love with someone. so i think it's called a infatuation or something.

elementalangel SG

dont worry.. u got me =x..

Hanagata SG

Lorry` SG

Uhmm.... Just think purple will be a nicer and friendlier color

it is already so hard for me to keep this secret for 3 years inside myself without even confiding in any friends at all.

Yea true, it's hard when you cant share your secret with someone out there. Keepin it by yourself.. leavin you the only one who knows bout it.. faces it

your secret here is regardin your feelings towards your best friend? Hmm.. there will bound to be people who cant accept such thing.. prejudices etc....
Reactions.... It's either they know and they left you.. stop talkin to you or they accept who you are. I'd say friends who left you because of your sexuality are not worth to be sad of....

and one more thing is that i am not forcing my friend to feel the same way. i just wanna let her know.

i think i mis-read bout this.... what i mean by 'force' is that i want you to understand that you cant expect a straight person to like someone who is of the same gender as him/her as straight people are attracted to opposite sex. Hence sex change does not help. Also i believe your not considerin bout this

and what she thinks of homosexuals and bisexuals is that, i have gone out with her many times and when she sees gays holding hands n stuffs she'll stare at them and ask me to look at them too. i would always tell her back by saying that they should have the freedom to do so and don't keep staring. when she does that i'm hurting inside too.

It's pretty normal actually.... when i see gays i do tell my friend to look.. with no intentions but just look only, but not all the time because whats there to look at anyway afterall we're all the same.. Anyway, although she tells you to look at the gays it doesnt mean somethin, etc she's against homosexuals etc. Perhaps the next time when you go out with her you can add a question behind like 'Would you mind havin gay or les as friends....?" something along the lines and see what her replies are.

i'm still in alot of pain whenever i tik tat she is with him, and we quarreled quite a few times when she cldn't go out with me.

Hmm.. lets say you have a gf, more or less you will spend more time with your gf right? Thats the same for her.. So i guess you shouldnt just go out with her but also consider other friends. (ok i know goin out with her of course will be happier and better right but she cant be with you all the time)

Lorry` SG

" Regardless of straight or not, it sucks to not able to tell how you feel to the person you love.... This applies to ALL of us - straight, gay, bi "

and this sentence from lorry has really touched me cos it really summarises my pain and difficulty being a best friend towards her while having feelings.

just thought of this while typin because i find it so true.... take a look at all the threads here....

xavier1979 SG

I think your problem may be two-fold: (1) you fear prosecution for revealing your sexual alignment; and (2) you fear total rejection if you ever reveal your feelings to your best friend.

I'm sure it hurts deep to be hiding these pent-up feelings all this while. But if you don't let it go and seek closure, you will always be stuck in this endless circle of suffering and emotional torture.

Seeking closure may involve revealing your feeling to your best friend and accepting the consequences whatsoever. If the friendship dies cos of this issue, then I do hope you can accept the hurt and move on in life.

I know it's tough. It's easier said than done. But you DO want a happier future, both for you and your best friend, don't you?

Be brave, ya?

PS: Not all people look down on gays & lesbians. I, for one, don't do so. I've a good lesbian friend too. But we also got to accept the fact that not all people share this liberal view.