Hi everyone. i had posted a few times earlier. dunno if u guys
remember me. but anyway i am back once again to seek some clarity
in confronting my problems. hope i can get some feedback from the
different people and their views. :)
Me and my gf have been together for like 6 yrs now. during this
6 yrs we had our ups and downs and we broke up 3 times before. each
time after the break up, i got into a rebound relationship where i
enjoyed the company of the new gal but never did i love them.
nevertheless i did my utmost best for the gals giving most of my
time. but each time whenever the one i truly love(my gf let's call
her 'A") contacts me, we actually patched back because we missed
each other alot. i am actually of a different race from my gf. my
gf is chinese and she has been my first gf ever. The first time we
broke up was because after 3 yrs of being together with her, she
persistently sought a breakup as the solution to our problems. i
had endured enough for the 3 yrs and just after
an accident i went through, she asked for a break up yet
again. this time i complied because i decided i had enough.
A month after this, i had another gf 'E' who i had lots of
fun with. she brought a new meaning to my life because i was
enjoying getting to know another gal. i had previously devoted my
self n time to just 'A' and didnt mix with other gals at all. but i
was unhappy deep down in my heart because i knew 'E' was never
gonna be the gal i am going to settle down with. and finally 3
months after being with 'E' i mustered the courage to break up with
'E' and reconciled with 'A' after 'A' had gotten into contact with
me. (i admit i am a soft hearted person where i can take care
of a person and am prepared to live with the person and take care
with her even though i do not like her. it's due to my stupid
feeling of being responsible for my actions) that's why i say
that i mustered the courage to break up with 'E'
because 'E' was a very good and nice gal. she never angered me nor
showed any signs of bad temperedness that 'A' exhibited. but still
i left her n got back with 'A'
After getting back with 'A' i realised that things were never
going to be the same. i tried as much as i could but i just took
the relationship for granted. i never wanted to see her as much as
i used to want to see her. i just enjoyed the intimacy that we had
and also the fact of having someone whom i loved beside me. also
during the breakup prior to this, i got into contact with many gals
and realised that there is a whole wide sea out there. there are
indeed so many gals who are better than 'A' and i wanted to make as
many female frenz as i could. i didnt wanna be stuck in the same
situation as to hafing a frenz circle with no gals in them at all
again. so i kept in touch with all the gals i made frenz with. i
didnt like them but just u know, keep in touch and the occasional
lunch/dinner kinda thing.
My gf 'A' was extremely unhappy that i wasn't giving my all in
the relationship. i admitted to her that i couldnt give my all
after what had happened and that i will try my best to spend time
with her. but that wasnt enuf for her. she wanted me to stop my
clubbings(with guy group..no gals inside and my gf A knows my 2 guy
frenz). she says that i will be stolen by other gals. to me, i am
an average person and being from the minor race, i dun fancy anyone
of my race and also the chance of me getting together with ANOTHER
chinese gal is extremely slim and so i told her not to be afraid.
despite that 'A' was still worried and would follow me on my
clubbing sessions. one day on my bday, she got so angry that a gal
was dancing with me when i swear that i didn't. the gal who was
dancing close to me was a fren who was dancing with ANOTHER gal.
this set up another storm of fights between her n me. even my fren
who wasnt drunk vouched for me that i DID NOT dance with any other
gal. so after those arguments we broke up again.
after this breakup, 2 months later i got involved with another
gal of the same race as me. again i felt very unhappy and this gal
'G' had a bf who she was not happy with also. so we spent much time
together. i told myself that i will leave when i find someone who i
really love and i hope that it had better be soon. 'G' had also
told me that she liked this relationship to be open in the sense
that either of us could leave anytime and we would respect the
other party's decision. 4 months later, G and me broke up because i
could not stand the idea of 'sharing' her with another guy because
when her actual bf was ard i could not contact her. her promise of
choosing either one of us was also taking a longer time than she
said so i decided to end it. i felt good about it because i knew
she was not who i loved.
suddenly by god's grace, the very next day, 'A' contacted me
saying that she was drunk and asked if i could send her home. after
like 6 months of no contact, i decided that i shall go and see the
one whom i really loved. after sending her home, she confided that
she loved me alot (in a sober state of course) and that she has
never chosen anyone else despite our breaking up for so long. (she
is a very pretty gal being sought after by many many guys) so we
got back together. things were fine at first. she really had
changed for the better by so much! she was very mild tempered. she
was very into her new found religion. but she never trusted me. she
was always suspecting that i was chatting up other gals etc. yes
it's true that i do chat on the irc and msn. i haf tons of contacts
whom i do not know and am just a virtual fren with to them. so
whenever ppl have problems i tend to lend a listening ear to
them.
there was this once where this gal was having prob and i told
her that not to worry so much. even me haf a gf but i am not happy
in the relationship. there are many ppl out there who are much
better than her ex-bf etc etc. and my gf stumbled about thissaved
msn chatlog. we argued abt it and i told her that i was only
coaxing the gal. why didnt she read all those other msn msgs where
i so happily told to all my frenz that i patched back with my gf n
i really love her alot etc etc. from then on after seeing that msg
she has never trusted me.
she will always read my frenster msgs and get angry whenever i
add any gal. when she asks me why i did tat, i just tell her that i
do not know the gal at all. which is true. i just add becoz she
added me. is this wrong?.even the status of being 'single' in
frenster got her angry. but i put as 'single' becoz we always break
up n reconcile. whenever i change everyone in my list knows what
happens and my lifestory become public. i hate that and so i
decided to leave it as 'single' forever. this one also is wrong in
her eyes.!!! anyway after having so much problems with
frenster i deleted it away for her. the latest problem was today
when i tried to get a client for my brother.(this client is my fren
whom my gf 'A' and me and her together with another 5 frenz
went ktv singing togther on friday) in doing so, she read
a conversation sms i had with another female fren. in it i
playfully told my female fren liek this "ya lor.. i msg her coz she
wan buy thing from my brother wat. u wanna buy thing from my
bro meh? thats y no msg u but msg her instead. no la.actaully
i love her i just realised today. thats why i msg her. haha" i and
my fren always tok like this.. but my gf upon seeing this sms she
got angry. and she started showing me face and wanted to break
up again. i started to coax her and i could see that she was really
very tired of being in this relationship. i tried
explaining myself that if i did have anything to hide i will
not even be keeping that msg in my hp. in fact i should be the one
doubting her because she is the one who is in sales and always haf
customers sending her lovey dovey gdnite msgs. but i have
never doubted her nor always check her hp. but she always do this
to me.
now i am in a predicament. i dun wanna continue arguing all the
time. but i also do not wanna break up. and i am always the
playful type who will joke and tok alot to gals infront of my
gf. i feel that toking in front of her means that i got nothing to
hide. even so, those gals all know that my gf is there with
me. and i am really tired of always not earning my gf's
trust. she never trusts me and it seems that checking on my
email,frenster,hp is becoming a daily affair. so can someone
pls tell me what i should do? and she always thinks that i haf alot
of gals going after me when in fact most of my free time is spent
with her.
is leaving her the right thing to do? in that sense,
she will haf a chance to learn to trust another person
who might become her bf. because she never trusts me so when
we get married this will certainly pose a big problem.
but if we breakup i am damn sure that i will be very
unhappy. i dun even think i can learn to love another person again.
i just wanna study and earn more money now. btw i am 26 and my gf
is coming to 25 so pls dun think we are those small boy small gal
dunno how to think and get into love etc.
i thank those for giving constructive points for my complicated
relationship.