i'm married-one year.things between me n my hubby are rocky
right now.he cheated on me before.i'm very upset with him.so i met
up with a guy fren just now.we checked into a hotel to watch dvds
and just catch up with each other.i didnt have any motives or
anything.i just need to spend some time with a fren,to pour out my
sorrows.he started to get intimate with me and we ended up doing
things that i'm not supposed to be doing-not the extent of having
sex-.it wasnt like that last time.
now i'm feeling very guilty.i feel like i've done my hubby
wrong.i've cheated on him havent i?haiz..i really dunno what to
do.
Merely one year
into your marriage and it went so wrong - sometimes it really makes
me wonder then why do either one of you end up marrying each other
in the first place, since emotionally, the relationship
isn't even ready to advance to
the next level.
I don't
seriously think anyone in the right frame of mind would initiate a
'catch up' with a friend in a hotel room. Obviously you weren't in
the right frame of mind at that point of time, but I think you are
far too naive to assume that it would an innocent catch up with him
in a hotel room. And also, I reckoned that your friend is truly
some wolf in sheep's clothing and it would do you good to eliminate
contact with him.
Two wrong doesn't make one right - although you claimed that your
husband cheated on you, still, that doesn't provide any prerogative
to engage in any form of promiscuous activity to get even. Such
behaviour will only fuel more misery in your marriage and
ultimately benefit the 'external vultures' that seek to capitalise
from your turmoil relationship.
Your
friend is like vulture - circling around the sky, secretly hoping
to see if there is any good chance for him to earn an uncommitted
sexual relationship through your misfortune. He represents a
classic cosmic lesson - that if our relationship is flawed and if
we are not evolved spiritually, emotionally and psychologically,
the cracks in the relationship will reveal to us our inability to
handle crisis positively and trigger a karmic reaction, like how
rain water would slipped through those crevices and flood your
interior.
What
done has been done - what you must do now is to (i) quit mourning,
(ii) regain clarity, (iii) regulate your damage and
loss.
I
believe there's a need to speak with your husband and trash things
out. Firstly, I think there's a critical need to understand the
rationale behind his drifting. The possibilities are numerous, but
if you don't seemed to understand it, this situation might just
reiterate in the future.
Secondly, you probably have to
establish if he still wants his marriage to work out - this goes
the same for you.
Then,
there must be a mutual decision to steer away anything that would
breed disharmony OR disloyalty between husband and wife. I think
there must be a common understanding that if this cannot be done,
then there is no reason why one should still remain in the
relationship, yet spare no effort to revive it.
Marriage is nothing like BGR; the
need for greater maturity, wisdom and tact is much more crucial to
ensure that you can enjoy a contented relationship. If one doesn't
learn it in their BGR, they will then learn it in their marriage,
at a much steeper price. 
Cheers
