This is going to be a long story….. I need
advice….
I am married for 8years with no
kids.
All these 8 years, I carry the status of ‘married’
in paper.
This doesn’t mean my hubby doesn’t love me, its
just that we did not consummate our marriage – no sex at all. No he
is not a gay!!!
We are like any dating couple – holding hands,
sometimes watching movie together.
Things start to change for the past two to three
years. He has been playing online games and spending more his time
computer than going out with me. Other than normal meals and buying
necessities, the rest of the time, he is hook on the
computer.
Some of you may say that its ok since he is not
going out to gamble or fool around. And he gives you freedom to do
whatever thing you like, not many married women get this freedom.
Yes I admit this freedom given but I believe in communication and
spending a little more time together.
I told him before but he will just say that I am
not going out to gamble, drink or fooling around, I am playing
computer games. What is wrong with this ?
He still cannot see what is the
problem.
5 months ago, our flats were sold – the agreement
of selling the flats was decided by him. The reason is that
property market was good and we can make big profit ( which we
did).
There were no ‘but’ on this transaction and I have
to sign on the dotted line.
I was too (emotionally and physically) tired to
argue with him (the whole transaction took place when I was on
business trip)
We moved to stay with my parents after the flat
was sold.
Every night, he will just play his online game
while I do my own things.
Up and until now the flat was sold, I have lost
interest in this marriage.
I am beginning to feel like doing things alone and
staying with friends are more happy than to be with my
hubby.
Recently I met a guy, someone which I wanted to
know him more. And if there is a chance I will like to develop a
relationship with him.
Whenever I am with this guy, I feel guilty….guilty
not towards my hubby but to this new guy.
This guy doesn’t know the above situation and I
really wanted to tell him.
I wanted to tell this guy about the above
situation and prepare for a divorce (which I have been thinking
since the time I sold my flat, so whether this guy appear or not,
it doesn’t matter)
Do you think after telling the whole situation
above, I will still be able to be with the (new) guy
?
If you are in the shoe of this (new) guy, what
will you think ?
It's unusual for
a couple not to consummate their marriage - it's
just something not very positive for a marriage without a
healthy sex life and for your case, it's basically
non-existence sex life.
It's likely that
you might have subconscious untended/suppressed
sexual frustration - which indirectly suggests the feeble
natural bonding you have with your husband. Sex per se is
not merely about reproduction - in fact, the act of intimacy
actually boost the sense of closeness and to promote the
'language of love' - this spiritual union in
love.
To me,
there could be some unspoken issue/s regarding sexuality.
It doesn't mean that he's likely to be a closet gay (although
such possibility is possible) - what happens is that I
know this case of a man who is suffering from Erectile
Dysfunctional, but he has never told his wife about it. He started
to avoid intimacy and submerge himself with
work. This man slipped into denial mode and his marriage
ended up rocky because the wife reckoned that he probably no
longer loved her and thought that he shown signs of drifting -
the classic scenario of late nights and the lack
of intimacy.
Of
course, the root of problem is never about Love -
it's about communication.
I am not
suggesting that your husband is suffering from ED, but rather - it
seemed to me that communication between you and him
appeared more like a dead line. Perhaps
you have already grown used to such structure of
communication that you gave up trying, even if you wanted
to express your inner thoughts & feelings.
The selling of
the flat is probably the catalysis.
Just
wondering: do you even have any desire, however little,
to salvage your marriage? Or is it a sure thing that
you are leaving for good? 
Cheers
