Originally posted by crimson soldier:
Knew this girl for almost 4 years already. Started as
friends but as I got to know more about her, I found myself falling
for me. 2 years ago got closer but when I asked her to be my gf she
did not respond. Did not pressure her and even avoided her
deliberately because I knew she was uncomfortable with me after
that. Though I still liked her I only asked about her through her
friends and sent her smses only on her birthday and new year,
etc.
Through the last 18 months she was always on/off my mind when I was
alone, like on the bus, before sleep. Told myself I would think
about her until she got a bf that would take care of her well or I
met another "special" one somehow.[b] I had given up all hope of
being with her.
Recently I went though the greatest tragedy of my life but to my
greatest surprise(honestly) she showed the most concern to me among
my friends through smses, calling and giving small thoughtful
presents. I told her that she was very important to me and her
concern had helped me through the tragedy. She did not seem to be
uncomfortable in reaction and has in fact asked me on a overseas
trip(with mutual friends of course) or to meet her.
To be honest, I don't know whether if pure sympathy was the cause
of her concern. If all she felt for me was sympathy then I rather
she just show it more subduedly.
I am not complaining but if she just gave false hope, then I would
have to feel terrible and hopeless again when the time
comes.
I have never told our mutual friends of my liking for her because I
do not want her to be teased or to feel pressured when we are with
mutual friends. Frankly I was comfortable with my feelings not
being returned through the last 2 years even though I loved her in
my heart, I told myself love had no conditions. Prepared to wait
10, 20, 30 years quietly until she gets a bf.
And no, I do not believe it is irrational or unhealthy of me to
refuse to force myself to forget her. I still try to get to know
other girls and expand my circle and when the times comes, I will
be able to let go....[/b]
I would
have post the same thing:
Originally posted by curiousOrange:
But subconsciously, you are avoiding a definite answer because you
don't want to move on.
I refer
to CloUdiSm old writing about the theory of Fantasy, where it
explains that the annihilation of one's fantasy ironically, creates
a pain much worst than a physical lost. In fact, the notion of
waiting is often a gross misrepresentation of the quality of
faithfulness. Somehow, this definition of faithfulness got twisted
and some people demonstrate this very essence and apply on
situation that doesn't apply to them.
A narcissistic fantasy is then born (Neptune influenced).
In simple, what I am trying to say is that the quality of
faithfulness doesn't apply to you because you have absolutely no
position or status as a boyfriend/husband - there isn't a need for
you to shoulder any liability or see yourself having to share any
form of responsibility to 'watch over her' and all that seemingly
noble intention of you waiting for her finding a 'good man that
could take care of her' and such is completely way out of your
perimeter, as a causal friend.
Five words to sum up: who are you to her?
Once you understand the position I am trying to establish above, I
will reveal to you the rationale of your decision.
There's a formidable link between the theory of fantasy and how it
affects people attitude and behavioral patterns towards love and
relationship. This Neptune affliction is especially susceptible for
people who (1) never had a relationship before, (2) with heavy
fixed aspects that often find themselves living/desiring the
past.
Once we tasted how Love felt, we will never be able to remove this
Trojan that lives within our memory forever because the inner
workings of our emotions actually undergo a complex
transformation.
Then here it goes: Because you are unable to remove this affection
from sinking roots; between the journey from your current position
to advert of your next coming girlfriend is an ebony shade of
nothingness. Also more critically, because this love interest you
perceived actually has no form, neither does it belongs to any
entity of a relationship, a fantasy is created to fill up this void
between your journey from where you are standing to the appearance
of your next girlfriend.
Emotionally, one cannot live on void, thus one live on
fantasy.
To be brutally frank in common tongue, your subconscious thoughts
will probably read this way:
'Since I have not taken fancy on anyone and I have no girlfriend, I
rather keep my one sided affection for her, then to lose this and
have no direction.'
This is Love?
Hardly. 
***
I hope you spare some effort to go through
curiousOrange's post: the courage to seek an answer for a closure
is probably more liberating than you could ever imagine. A
non-calculated wait is really a convenient excuse employed by
people who prefers to dwell in passiveness because they fear to
face the blade of truth.
You may think that it doesn't matter to you because you are single,
but I can tell you that unless you learn to lose sight of the
shore, you will never discover new islands.
Are you thinking that once you have found another love, you could
easily toggle your emotional switch like how you could do it for
your lamplight?
My dear, we all are humans: you would probably pay for this
foolishness at the price of your next relationship. If don't you
learn it now, you will probably learn it later.
But like inflation - prices gets more expensive as time goes.
Cheers
