Surprises are alright but like it, it is momentary which is why
I say the small things in life is very important. If you can do
small things together, it means there are common grounds and
probably goals.
Take for example, when your child were small. There was the common
goal to care and nurture your child. Like all parents, I bet both
of you are easily kept busy with many little things, like fetching
the kids back, ensuring their meals are taken, making them sleep at
10pm, giving them a hug every morning, etc... These would have gone
on for years and years. I am pretty sure how you acted then on the
child bearing and rearing has also a certain impact on her
perception on you until now.
Now that your children are old, that goal is becoming obsolete. So
you must find another big common goal and which both of you can do
the little things together again. It's gonna be tough because it's
a 11 year accumulated problem. Find interest in life again for both
of you!
Also, don't be a perfect husband and I don't mean be a bad one,
just be a good one because it gives space for each other.
Also, your answers to all the posted suggestions says you aren't
exactly open. I sense a certain unwillingness and weakness to try
and try. What has been tried and failed before does not mean will
not work. The approach to any problems make a big difference.
E.g. Our children is one of best tool you can use to heal a family
relationship. If you have shown lots of love to your children, your
children will surely try to help you back if you pour your sorrows
to them. So instead of talking your problems directly to your wife,
you can talk through your children.
Lastly, I give you this quote from a very great father and
grandfather Stephen Covey "Seek First To Understand, Then Be
Understood."
