It has been quite a long while

PPG SG

it's easy for me to say all this because i haven't been through any love relationship at all. but i believe time will heal... get yourself busy with other stuff, get him out of your mind. i know it's so hard, your heart hurts like crazy, but if you allow yourself to carry on thinking about him, it'll only hurt you more and he may not even know about it. i'm sure you know all this, and i'm saying this just to remind you that you can control yourself and be strong. it's just a matter of time that things will be better. just let life flow normally, do the things you normally do. be happy. the world won't end even if you can't have him. there are better guys out there. Smile take care my dear!

15963 SG

Oh no.

I posted last night but do not know why it is not up.
Sorry for not updating.

First thing first Happy 2008 to everyone hope nice things happenes to all. "Bad go, Good come" Haha.

Okay things between me and him remains normal he calls me as frequently we talked as normally only that we have one extra new topic and that is her. He telles me it is hard for him to not think of her. I said do not be bothered by it it is okay just do not stress yourself to NOT KEEP THINKING of her because if you do that, then you ARE thinking of her. Confusing?

I spent my New Year Eve with him and 4 Other friends.

There were moments left only just me and him when the others went to get something or just not there. It was my first time meeting him for dinner after I knew he is crazy for that girl.

Do not know why it was super damn hard to speak to him normally (the phone calls I say above were DAYS AFTER we met on New Year Eve).

I had to think in my mind what topic to discuss and things. I do not dare to look into his eyes. I am very afraid of him later looking into mine and then some how sees through me then knows that I am so affected by this girl's presense, I am dead because he will feel super disgusted by me and all my lies for these years.

I am afraid to speak as much as I always do when with him because I am very afraid that I will say the wrong things or accidentally say out how I feel and then again he find me weird and see the change in me.

Over the phone I askes him all that in my heart I wishs to know. Questions like if she never dance with him will he still love her so much, His reply was that when at first sight of seeing the girl only He is very much attracted to her and He think that no matter dance or no dance He is still crazy over her.

He telles me that they talk online once in a while and when he sees her coming online he do not know how to start talking and panickes. I told him that it is very easy to talk to girl I teach him go Youtube find some stupid or funny videos, or find funny pictures or food blogs or human blogs (examples da*nya*g or x*axi*e) or copyandpaste a few jokes from funny sites or just simple send her a song and ask her for comments like how she think of those that he showes her.

I met 3 friends for supper just now. They sort of scolded me for being stupid. They askes me why am I being stupid why am I still helping him and being here for him? Stupid to the point I can even encourage him how to approach her.

But everyone please understand, in his mind I am only his best friend, If I do not help him, I am selfish as a friend. But when I help him, my heart feels terrible. It is helping the guy I like, to be together with the girl he likes. Am I doing the wrong move? I thought all it matters is for him to be happy? Yes I think he is happy also.

If I do not be here for him and run far far away he will think why I acting cold and weird? He went clubbing again few days ago and I think she was there too.

Everyone again understand I am not trying to be or act noble If there is a choice I rather I run far away from him and her. I find it so painful to see him these days. Everytime I see him near me I just wish to go up and give a hug then may the time freezes. But I know it will never happen. I will not even have the courage to try.

Back to the noble part.

There is no choice for me to choose. As a friend I am to help him. I cannot possibly ask him to keep quiet and not askes me questions or telles me things about the girl am I correct? Some more I am only his friend in his mind. He do not even know that Inside me I have been carrying this torch for years! He is not to know of it either.

I wish them being happy and hopefully he can get her he seems really keenes on her. Oh He even told me before even she has a steady but he is okay with it because he is willing to wait for her to become single then start his pursuit. Haha.

He calles me yesterday noon and we talked many things I feel so different now because I know his heart is full of her and no space for me. Does any one can describe this feeling for me? The feeling of him telling me how much he love her and inside me I also wish to tell him how much I love him but I cannot I only can listen to him speak. It is making me feeling terrible. Now I understand what people always say about the pain.

Help. Sad

So I be like this-- a friend helping him to get his girl, all the way? Headache.

I see the future so tough. So tough.

15963 SG

So many days before I sleep at night (even before he met the girl)

I wish under my window at the sky that next morning he will suddenly be realising all that I do for him. The flowers I got for him, the foods I always pack for him, the birthday I plan for him, the cookies I baked for him, the things I always buy him when I go overseas, the happy times me him and his sister spent driving around Singapore at night when I moved here, the many times we talk on the phone until late late, and the times I look into his eyes I wish he can tell.

The list is very long. But in short, every night before I sleep, I tell myself next day Is a new day and I will be happy because it means another hope for him to realise all that I do for him and it means I still have a small little chance to be with him, to love him more.

Many "tomorrows" were gone and stupid me still wish like that. I am thinking maybe 5 years after today, I will look back and laugh. Laugh for being so stupid, Laugh for being blind. I do not have any routes to take for a move on now.

If I were to let go, the things I do for 4 years are wasted, I am okay. It is that I am not willing to tell him how I feel for the things I mentioned in earlier posts, and Do I really have to leave him without realising all that I do for him, is my love for him, not the "friend" part in me for him?

I picture the things we can do when we will be together everyday. I will buy him breakfast without him knowing on holidays. I will hug him every chance I get. I will look at him in the eyes and tell him finally you are mine. I will hold his hand and tell myself he is beside me and he is real. I will tug his shirt and hide behind him when I am scared. I will kiss him when I want his attention. I will bring his parents out for dinners. I will invite him over my place to spend special occasions. I will plan itineraries for 2 weeks holidays in Europe. I will burn his favourite songs on a CD so he can listen when driving to work thinking of me. I will put a packet of tissue in his pants because he is messy when he eats and he always forgets to bring tissue. I will help him to quit smoking.

Maybe the above all too idealistic things. All too good to be true. All hard to achieve, but one thing for sure, I will and I can definitely love him more than anybody else...

How I wish he surfs sgf. Sorry he does not. Sigh.

15963 SG

He called me earlier on

But I was bathing and so I did not see so obviously I cannot answer his call.

I called back and he just said Nothing much already bye. This is not the first time that it happens. He is always like this. When He calles and I do not answer then I call back he will always say nothing. I wish to know what is it that he is looking me for but am afraid if I probe further he will think that I am very irritating.

Is this a sign that he could be taking me for granted?

Suddenly these days after all that happened (him meeting the girl) I suddenly do feel very tired and unappreciated.

In short I feel like giving up... yes, without even trying.

gunner77 SG

Crying or Very sad
sad story

Tier SG

This is so true.
For me is always this case.
I am the passive kind. hai.

Tier SG

Poor girl~ I think u should not think of him for a moment.
Just relax yourself and do your own things.

From what u wrote I feel he dun feel the same as you do.
Dun let him take ur kindness for granted.

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