Possessiveness in relationship

OrionB SG

I have procrastinated long enough, I was always hesitating if I should write in here and share my r'ship dilemmas, and also gathering valuable advices frm the people roaming the forum at the same time. But I guess it's time, or I'll never be truly happy in my relationship.

One thing for sure, I admit that I am a possessive girlfriend. To what extent, maybe you guys can decide for me?

A typical scenario would be I am displease whenever he's around girls. I could just start an argument over little things that concern his girl-friends. Is this normal? Or am I being overly-possessive? Sigh. I know he isn;t the type who would turn his back against me, but still, knowing that he is around girls just make me feel ultra uncomfortable. What's with me? He tries to pacify me sometimes, and after awhile I would brush it away and be back to normal. But it comes back again.

I think I have highly fluctuating moods.

Another thing is that, I am extremely unhappy whenever he neglects me or something like that. For eg, if he replies a tad late (via sms most of the time), or if he forgets something such as bringing smth he said he would bring during our date, I'll be utterly upset.

This is childish, I know. But I can't seem to run away from this nature in me! One moment, i resolve to be selfless, that love should not be selfish, that i should trust him blah blah, and the next day, my willpower dissolve and I am back to the immature me.

There were times I blurted out hinting that we should just end the relationship, but somehow or other, we managed to resolve our problems at that point of time and continued being together. But that was only temporary before my childish act comes running back to me.

Friendships were never like this, only relationships. My previous one was the worst one ever, I don;t noe if it affected me into how I am today.

But that's not the point, I just want to know how should I (the possessive one) handle the relationship? Or should I set my partner free? I know he feels suffocated at times. Haiz.

I sometimes wonder if I should had step into a relation at all in the first place. Right now, whenever I feel like letting go, pain stops me completely. It's too hard to say break up. It hurts like crazy.

yuko-ogura SG

yea..ur possessive.
paiseh im so direct..but its the truth. Razz

from a guy's point of view, i would feel that the ger doesn't trust me leh. i strongly believe that trust is v impt in a r/s.

cApitaland SG

try to actively taking a back seat. using your conscious mind. wen u are about to question ur guy abt his activities with other gals catch urself. hope u get what im saying. Wink

dumbdumb! SG

hmm are you having double standards too btw?

like if your bf forgets smth, and u get upset. will u be pissed if he does the same thing with you?

OrionB SG

i know, i admit i am... Sad But I dont want to give up on this relationship, that's why I'm hoping if there's anything I could do to change this possessive nature? Or will I be forever this hungry for attention?

OrionB SG

upset and pissed, they usually come simultaneously for me... :S

I guess that require loads of willpower. I'll try to do as you say..

Sorry there's still the 5 minutes after each post thingy...

r0mE_27 SG

how old are you exactly?

though i not much experience but..

love is when u accept each others faults and differences. so if he doesnt mind that much, its okay. just try to change abit lo.

Cool

Resentment SG

First of all , i admit , you are rather a possesive gal , and yeah i can understand that , if he is around with gals , you will tend to get jealous and will think wildly , for your possesiveness i think you should really control yourself , give him some freedom , if not he will feel really suffocated. and yeah here again , CONTROL is the keyword. Always tell yourself to remain calm and control yourself. And i am sure you can do it.

I understand that you got a bad relationship last time , and that really give you some fears about being in a relationship , so i advice you should really try to overcome the fears , and yes trust is very important , a couple being together , the most important thing will be trust. you have to trust him , for example , if some friends of yours saying he is being very close to a girl , try not to jump into conclusion , and only believe it when you truely saw it with your own eyes. and the most important thing is don't be a stalker. Hope u get what i meant. And good luck to you. =)

yuko-ogura SG

anyone would feel jealous ba..seeing their loved one with another.
jus different degrees of expressing themselves upon the sight.
urs might be a tad too much.
try trusting him and c how it goes.

i think u should not dwell on the past.
u can look forward and see how u can improve by not blowing ur top over trivial matters.

control ur temper. dun let it control u.

yuko-ogura SG

awaiting Yunhaier's reply...
a woman's point of view is alwaes better understood by another of the same sex.

jojobeach SG

Is he your first boyfriend ?

Every girl will be possessive to a certain extend.

But you must find out why you are so possessive with him when he is around girls.

Is it because he flirts around with them ?
Is it because he abandon you in a corner while he go socialize with them ?

You being upset with him when he forgets stuff to bring is because you are too impatient.
Before you get into the upset mood, ask yourself this.... is this a small issue ? If it is , why let it ruin your day ?
Perhaps you are a perfectionist, and idealist. But give your guys some leeway to make mistakes.
Don't bear trap him. This is a common problem with women.

Expecting a man to live up to a woman's expectation, is very impractical.
Your job is to let your man live up to HIS full potential, not yours.

OrionB SG

True, controlling is the key solution, but sadly, it is also the key problem in myself too. Maybe it's congenital. But ya, i must try to change, or else it'll nvr be ending. Even if this current relationship do end (CROSS FINGERS!!), history might repeat again when i enter another.

Sad Is it wrong for me to want more care and concern?

OrionB SG

No he isn'y my first.
The possessiveness comes around abruptly. He dont flirt, anyway infact i've never been with him + his girl friends. Those girls are his schoolmate. The insecurities come around themselves when my mind start doing its wild chase... as in, thinking uber wildly. Sad
I dunno why, he hasn't done anything unfaithful and such. But I still feel extremely insecure, demanding sometimes.

shrekho SG

My suggestion to you is that you should tame your mood swings first.
Learn to have some tolerance and build your own character.

It's only a matter of time before he finally snaps and lose control and
makes a firm decision.

That was the reason why my ex and I broke up, cos on the fateful night,
I snapped when she exploded on something minor..... Painful way and
regrets are coming in all over the place for both of us.....

Learn fast.

Have a good day.

jojobeach SG

Does he introduce you to his female friends ?
You need to get into his circle of friends.
Once you scoped out your competitions, you'd be more at ease.

mistyblue SG

Its all in your mind.

Hello Kitty SG

eben luvers nit a holiday.

JerryYan SG

Just to share with u my experience Embarassed
My hubby got a ex-colleague who admit to him that she like him for yrs, when we just got married was holding a house warming & this girl was also invited to our party *he had told me about this girl liking him* Sad
But I didn't feel angry/sad when I got to met her & worse is that once she arrived she just go our bedroom alone, on the TV & with her head laying on our bed watch TV by herself Shocked
Even hubby feel shy to go in & ask me along to collect his things Crying or Very sad
We just left her alone & continue entertaining our guests Embarassed
So as u can see that's just 1 incident that has kept our marriage ongoing for 19 long yrs Razz

yuko-ogura SG

woah JerryYan..
a whopping 19 years!
i wish u and ur husband everlasting love and more babies to come! Mr. Green

ShrodingersCat SG

u r not insecure becos u r possessive

you are possessive becos you are insecure
until you understand WHY you are insecure
the problem will continue ba
so perhaps you need to explore this further within yourself and understand
where this lack of confidence take root