Dear all,
I'm new in the forum, let me share my story. Apologies as its gonna
be a long one, I shall make it as short and painless as I can, pls
bear with me. First, I shall detail the current background and a
short introduction to the female leads of my story. I am attached
to B. S is my ex-gf and we broke off almost 3 years ago. she has
been single since then.
B - she is 4 years my senior and has a pretty and classy look. She
looks very much younger for her age of 32. Career wise, I would say
she's the ambitious and career woman type. Used to be in the
phama-aesthetics industry and currently, she's into hospitality
brand management (Client includes Starwood, Ascot, Macau Sands, San
Regies etc). She is blessed to have a rather well to do family and
that explains her spoilt, attention seeking and demanding nature.
Family background wise, can consider that we are compatible.
S - she is 1 year my junior. Look wise, she too has a pretty face
although her height is comparatively compromised and her frame is
waif like. (though personally I think she's very attractive) Career
wise, she too can be considered ambitious though she has slowed
down considerably lately. Shes an account manager in the
advertising industry and by a twist of coincidence; my organization
is one of the major client to her Advertising agency (Part of WPP
group, though I won't reveal which one to protect her identity). I
am the main contact point fronting the partnership (from a client
perspective that is) Though she's not servicing my account, we have
ample opportunities to meet. Family background wise, I would say
she had been thru a bad childhood which gives rise to her insecured
nature. S is a very sincere person who place others in a higher
priority than herself. She is simply sweet...
Following so far?? Let's flashback to 5 years ago (2002). I was a
young and wayward punk who juz ORDed. Due to my mediocre results, I
could not enter local Uni so off I went to Australia to further my
studies. And I was so blessed I got to know S, who is really an
angel to me. I used to have many flings in the past but S changed
my perception in relationships. We did everything together. she
cooked my meals and I did all the household chores for her.
Mutually, we fell for each other unknowingly and progressively.
Then something happened. One nite, when she professed her feelings
for me in a very subtle manner, I didn't get the hint and
unknowingly rejected her. How silly I was... After that, I returned
to Sin for my holidays as S had to stay behind to complete a
deferred module. During this 3 weeks, I realized that absence made
my heart grew very much fonder. I missed S dearly and finally, I
realized she meant so much to me. When I went back, she was already
attached to my so-called friend. (Well curse myself cuz I was the
dork who rejected her). I was totally shattered. Well to cut the
story short, me and S did eventually become an item. Life was so
sweet, except the fact that she was rather possessive and
temperamental. Well nobody is perfect and I gladly changed from a
free-spirited and untamed person to a submissive and gentle
partner. I was determined she's the destined one for me... While
she lay sleeping one night, I secretly measured her fingers for the
ring size and bought her a diamond ring. I intended to surprise her
and propose to her once I graduated from Uni. S graduated before me
and returned to SIN ready to embark on her career. Well at this
point, things turned for the worse. S had always been rather
success driven and she decided to engage full gear into her career.
Being her partner, I gave her no stress at all, always calling her
from long distance only when her schedule allows. Under the
eagerness to excel in her career, S gives herself huge expectations
resulting in tremendous stress. Before long, we grew very distant.
Finally, 1 week before my birthday, she ended our relationship via
SMS, citing very superficial reasons. I wasn't even given a chance
or explanation via telecon... I was crushed. Being a person full of
pride, I accepted it without any contest or plead for a
re-evaluation of the relationship.
I spent countless nights sleeping in my car (in the cold Aussie
winter) cuz I couldn't forget all the happy times we had setting up
our rented apartment together and stepping into this same apartment
only brings back painful memories. For the 1st time, my tears shed
freely for a woman...
Back of my mind, I attributed it to her insecurities and her
unwillingness to have a partner who could not guide her well enough
in her career. To put it bluntly, she must have thought that I was
still a loafing student, good for nothing, who has no qualms in
squandering my parent's wealth. (I admit to that...) From that day
onwards, I redirected my sorrow to studies. I vowed to get good
grades and be someone at least comparable to her. I know S is
capable and her potential is great and boundless. Thus, I vowed
never to lose out to her. All along however, I do not blame her.
She was someone I loved dearly, eternally... Regardless, I know
that she will always remain very special in my heart....Frankly if
I were to choose again knowing the unpleasant outcome, I would have
chosen to love her with all my heart as I did...
Eventually, I graduated with good grades. Career wise, I think I
can be considered rather lucky. However in terms of relationships,
I have totally lost confidence
in everything. I reverted to my flamboyant ways and had many
flings, hurting many ladies in the process. My notion is that
relationships are transitional and thus I have developed this self
protecting mechanism. To me, my career matters most. Relationships
are intangible and thus I can't attribute a projected NPV of
the
relationship nor can I determine its ROI. I developed a casual
attitude. I know I'm very selfish, but to all my flings, I made it
upfront that I wasn't the commited sort and well, it takes 2 hands
to clap.
Eventually in Jan 2006, I met B. She was very stuck up and aloof
initially and that sorta prompted me further to woo her. We could
talk about anything under the sun from Hedge funds to
entartainment.. We just couldn't run out of topics to discuss and I
find that unlike most of my flings (who can be considered bimbotic,
sry no pun intended), B possess good looks as well as brains.
Largely, she is considered to be a successful career woman, many
would think she's arrogant too.. B surpass S in terms of career
(due to her age maybe), and to that, I vowed to win her over as I
once told myself I will get the affections of a woman who is
intellectually stronger than S and more established in her career
as well. B seemed the perfect persona for my choice. Also, I felt
that with her age and experience, B would be a great guidance to me
in terms of career development, imparting me vast knowledge on the
industries she's exposed to.
Courtship wasn't easy as B had 2 other suitors after her at that
time, both were accomplished professionals far surpassing me in
terms of career establishment (much older than me too of course).
After a hard span of 3 mths, me and B were together but problems
started to surface. 1st, B has high expectations in terms of
quality of life(read: monetary problems). Of course due to her age,
her salary is higher than mine. She demands tiffany diamond rings
(I didn't even intend to marry her!!) and thinks that my monthly
salary is not sufficient to support her. (fyi my salary is hovering
around 4.3K per month.. I think it should be comfortable if we
spend wisely but B thinks otherwise). Secondly, we have huge
disparities. She adores a very different pastime as compared to me.
For me, I love clubbing,
painting the town red, as well as modding my car (like most guys I
reckon). B does oil painting and fencing among others. Maybe like
they said, opposites attract. Thirdly, we have opposing takes
towards what is acceptable relationship between guys and ladies. I
have many close lady friends but to me they are
purely friends, B knows about my flirting past and she wants me to
shun my lady friends. We had major disagreements and end up
quarreling most of the time when we meet (which is rare as both of
us are workaholics). Whatever passion we had at first died. To me,
it was more like going through the motion. By this time, I have
already inherited whatever knowledge she has to impart to me and
there is no long any intangible leveraging power being together
with her.
Finally during December last year, we decided to take a 3 week
break in Japan to re-evaluate our relationships without the stress
from work. By then, I no longer had any feelings towards her. I
became so cold that she sensed it and during our outbound SIN-FUK
flight, I confessed to her on-board that my feelings had died.
Guess it wasn't a great way to fly for B... Naturally, our 3 weeks
in Japan was a disaster. Upon return, B was diagnosed to be
suffering from dysmenorrhea, which is a rare case of painful
menstrual cramps caused by the thickening of internal endometriosis
walls and excessive bleeding. The only long-term solution was
either childbirth (which Im definitely not prepared to undergo
with her... not even marriage lest to mention childbirth!!) or
hysterectomy. The preventive measure however was to remain relaxed
and stress free. With that, B's perception towards life changed.
She became very much less demanding and became subtle and
submissive. From the discovery of her condition in March till now,
she has totally changed towards me, being more supportive and
understanding now. However my heart is already dead. Being with her
is very much like a responsibility more than anything else. Because
of B's constant and unpredicted stomach cramps, our social life is
much affected. We cannot go out partying, shopping, etc like we
used to cuz B would suddenly break out in cold sweat and have to go
home immediately to rest. To me, it has given rise to a very boring
and mundane relationship. Nevertheless I find it hard to leave B
out of pity more than anything else. It's becoming increasingly
unbearable.
Recently, I celebrated S's birthday. B is blissfully unaware of
course. S got drunk and when I was sending her home, she mumbled
something like I'm sorry
and I love you. Well of course I took it with a pinch of salt.
Hypothetically, I have got over S. I do admit I still love her in a
way but having gained back my freedom and nonchalant outlook
towards life, I can never envisage leading a happy life as S's
submissive partner again. In some cases, its really better to
remain closest friends than being together. Lately, S also
mentioned she's afraid she might be left on the shelf, etc etc.. We
have been meeting up more often lately. Though the possibility is
small, I'm afraid I might fall for S again unknowingly. This would
be disaster as I know we won't have a fairytale ending,
regardless.. Views please???
As for my relationship with B, I really dun know how I should
communicate to her and call off the whole thing. I know i'm selfish
but isn't it better to end it early
in a relationship where no love is involved rather than prolonging
the pain. Right from the start of my relationship with B, I had
made a disclaimer that i'm not the committed sort and I have little
confidence in long lasting relationships. B knows and accepted
that. Well I would say our relationship had been sweet too but its
actually more of a physical one than an emotional one. Now, any
views or suggestions how I should end the relationship with B with
least pain possible to her?
Thanks for the patience in reading my post thus far, greatly
appreciated. Cheers and have a great day ahead.
