Originally posted by Yunhaier:
No worries about your long post; in fact, you have
pen down an extremely detailed situation about your own woe.
***
There are a couple of subconscious issues that
have been affecting and implicating your love life, whether or not
you recognise those afflictions. Perhaps afflictions might be too
harsh of an adjective to use, but you get the gist of what I am
driving at later as my post unfolds itself.
Inherently, you are like bee, actively visiting from flowers to
flowers. And a bee does what a bee does; until the bee forgets
being a bee.
Perhaps in all other superficial relationship you have been before,
you probably only learnt about what's love and passion until the
day you realise the sinking feeling of its absence. It could be a
change of environment that actually bonded you and S together; but
when you eliminate this variable, many things will likely to change
accordingly.
In fact, her presence revealed many dimensions of your
vulnerability as a whole, despite being a player, in which by
rationale, you should be able to take it easy, making this no
exception.
However, no matter how reinforced our exo-skeleton is, our emotions
and ego are as tender as raw meat itself. Our emotions are easily
wounded and to make matter worst, it's not always readily
responsive to self rejuvenation and recovery.
It seemed to me that you have this penchant of falling for capable
women that fly high in areas of their career, which is the main
factor you have attributed to the fall of your previous love. Your
decimated love has wickedly flailed your sensitive ego as you
reckoned that this utter failure is largely because of your lack of
achievements and status in society (Sun probably gets affected in
face of tension of aspects in MC/significator/s of 10th
house).
Your vow to evolve is not a statement of love; rather, it is a
statement coming from a bruised ego.
Because the bee returns to being a bee.
The amusing question is why return being a bee when your evolution
could actually led you to become something else more spiritually
matured and stable? Like a mortal and not an insect?
[b]You have incarcerated your love profile to this enclosed
definition - the wholesale segmentation between flings or 'S'
solitarily, in which you have classified her as your benchmark of
what love and passion truly means. This formula in your heart is
such that for as long as nobody presents itself in a finished
product that resembles this secret concoction that caused you to
shed your first tear in love, it belongs to the former
category.
Sometimes even when we stopped bleeding, it doesn't necessarily
means we are healed. Emotional injuries not resolved will often rot
from within - gradually, you probably have realised
that your defensive mechanism is a huge hindrance to your
advancement in aspects of love. Your facade may
have shielded you by gaining relative happiness at the cruel
expenses of other ladies, but your void within will consume you
inside out subconsciously because five years later, you are still
sauntering in circles.
Though you are pretty honest with yourself - being in a
physical-apt relationship, it can hardly speak of any substantial
love affection. So is it any surprise when you mentioned that your
passion has died? Probably your automatic trigger has labelled her
under the same category as your other flings, perhaps just that you
slog a little harder this time round in your pursuit, thus you are
giving more consideration to this relationship, compared to the
usual relationships you so quickly grow restless with.
Yes, her illness might have touched your humane side, but love
cannot survive on sympathy. You will only grow to escalate more
emotional frustration as you are unwilling to be in the
relationship.
No elements can
substitute the power of love; all other retention strategies will
fail with the test of time. Therefore, your
hesitation is merely delaying the inevitable with regards to
B.
You have unseen blemishes clogged deep right in your soul since the
day S promulgate breaking up. Whether or not you will fall for her
again, the question lies not with love, but with the man: would you
allow yourself to be vulnerable once again? You know like opening
yourself to have someone get inside you and possibly messing you up
once again?
You can't fall in love unless you allow yourself the condition to
do so.
It applies not only to 'S' - it's the same for 'A-Z'. 
Cheers[/b]
I am impressed. Sincere thanks for your meticulous and
surprisingly immaculate analysis. It has certainly enabled a new
dimension towards my
perception in life. You pointed out that I have many dimensions of
vulnerability as a whole pertaining to relationships and emotions.
That is such an
accurate mirror of my inner-most feelings.
Prior to my acquaintance to S, my preceding relationships and
flings could not engage me beyond my esteem, cognitive emotions and
aesthetic desire, which belongs to the 2nd quantum defined in
Marslow's hierarchy of needs. To put it in layman terms, I have not
explored my humane self fully by reaching the top consortium of
self-actualization and ultimately, self-transcendence. Through S's
tender sincerity, I began to learn how to love and to sacrifice
unconditionally. (Which is such a shame given that my 1st
relationship started when I was 13 and all those 10 years before I
met S, I have not been able to bask in the full potential of
unblemished and pure love).
You surprise me with your accurate inference of "You have unseen
blemishes clogged deep right in your soul since the day S
promulgate breaking up." In many situations in life, you can
forgive but it is somehow difficult to forget. Different
individuals have diverse takes towards dealing with life's hard
knocks. This is best described by the Elephant metaphor involving 7
blind men, which is so highly advocated by Alan Greenspan before
his tenure at the world bank was up. Since that fateful breakup,
the bruise in my ego has egged me on full acceleration to improve
myself and achieve as much as I can. On hindsight, I can say that
without this setback, I would probably have remained languid and
unambitious, especially so when I could easily take my family
wealth for granted. However like what you prophesied, the hate of
having my feeling of love in its purest form disappointed remains
embedded deep. Now can you share some views how I should let go of
this hatred and start to accept love without prejudice? I trust
your insight would be beneficial from the sincere and profound
reply
you have posted thus far.
Seperate issue, you mentioned that a player by rationale should
have no qualms taking a relationship easy without finding hard to
let go right ? With the risk of sounding absurd, I am actually a
soft hearted person. My current situation would have easily been
resolved by terminating B and cutting off all contacts if I
was callous enough. Do you understand why I find it hard to bring
up the seperation issue to B now?
Anyway I really appreciate your advise, it is wise and
unpretentious. Out of curiosity, what is your profession? You seem
to have a very analytical mind
and surpassing articulation skills. It was indeed my pleasure to
correspond with you. Have a lovely day ahead.
Cheers
