Relationship woes.. views appreciated (very long post)

Yunhaier SG

How can you accept love without prejudice?

You just have to return back to the self when 'S' manifested it out from your life when you were in aussie.

You have been there before - you know the road to unlock that route; just that you have chose not to. Idea

***

Seriously, it depends on whether you prefer to pursue a relationship driven out of love or fear.

Fear is a huge black word that covers all aspects of negativity that you employed to protect yourself and your ego. And it's impossible to be self protective and loving at the simultaneously - that logics never worked. It's either you are a loving person that allows love to evolve you or you prefer to be self absorbed, warding love away by swinging your blades maliciously at something so natural.

You were right about you being delicate inside because chances are, you are having strings of relationship because there's so much unconscious fear in love that you had to leave women before one of them uncover this side of you... the facet of yourself you never wanted to divulge unknowingly again.

You might think that your reason for not leaving B is because of her; but I am afraid when you probe deeper, it's more likely to be you. That domineering woman you first knew her, had become submissive and equipped with complete evolution in her attitude towards her relationship - do you see a mirror image?

Do you see yourself, in her, 5 years back?

Have you realised that you had become the position of 'S' when 'S' was 'S'?

Your hatred and disappointment in love has transformed you into the very hatred you abhorred.

What's callous in love could be gentle in the long run. Albeit, it may appear heartbreaking to call it off, but what's that compared to the insidious truth of you having the initial agenda of this love: to profit from this partnership in career-knowledge wise, sexually and every other thing in which might not have mentioned here? Yes, it's between two consented adults, but allows me to reveal my two cent below:

At her age, B probably just needs a man to settle with, regardless of the expectation she has for her mate (I assume she is about 32).

You don't have to - Man always has that luxury.

Now that you have readily admit you have no love for this woman and since you are not going to marry her (neither are you releasing her), are you going to retain her until you resolve your emotional insecurity? At the age of 32, how long do you intend to keep her?

I wonder if you realise that you will probably destroy her like how 'S' did to your emotional state - your sympathy has become a facade for cruelty. Idea

Cheers

Scion79 SG

Apologies for the miscom but.....
I didn't mention anything about me having the exculsive right to initiate a break up....

Hope the above clarifies...

Cheers

Scion79 SG

Originally posted by Yunhaier:

How can you accept love without prejudice?

You just have to return back to the self when 'S' manifested it out from your life when you were in aussie.

You have been there before - you know the road to unlock that route; just that you have chose not to.

***

Seriously, it depends on whether you prefer to pursue a relationship driven out of love or fear.

Fear is a huge black word that covers all aspects of negativity that you employed to protect yourself and your ego. And it's impossible to be self protective and loving at the simultaneously - that logics never worked. It's either you are a loving person that allows love to evolve you or you prefer to be self absorbed, warding love away by swinging your blades maliciously at something so natural.

You were right about you being delicate inside because chances are, you are having strings of relationship because there's so much unconscious fear in love that you had to leave women before one of them uncover this side of you... the facet of yourself you never wanted to divulge unknowingly again.

You might think that your reason for not leaving B is because of her; but I am afraid when you probe deeper, it's more likely to be you. That domineering woman you first knew her, had become submissive and equipped with complete evolution in her attitude towards her relationship - do you see a mirror image?

Do you see yourself, in her, 5 years back?

[b]Have you realised that you had become the position of 'S' when 'S' was 'S'?

Your hatred and disappointment in love has transformed you into the very hatred you abhorred.

What's callous in love could be gentle in the long run. Albeit, it may appear heartbreaking to call it off, but what's that compared to the insidious truth of you having the initial agenda of this love: to profit from this partnership in career-knowledge wise, sexually and every other thing in which might not have mentioned here? Yes, it's between two consented adults, but allows me to reveal my two cent below:

At her age, B probably just needs a man to settle with, regardless of the expectation she has for her mate (I assume she is about 32).

You don't have to - Man always has that luxury.

Now that you have readily admit you have no love for this woman and since you are not going to marry her (neither are you releasing her), are you going to retain her until you resolve your emotional insecurity? At the age of 32, how long do you intend to keep her?

I wonder if you realise that you will probably destroy her like how 'S' did to your emotional state - your sympathy has become a facade for cruelty. Idea

Cheers [/b]

Very profound analysis. Tq for your direction Very Happy

Cheers

Zarks SG

Did i mistakenly remember TS already break up with B or not?

Then, TS , do you still wan to be with S or you prefer single again ?

My suggestion is that now is the best time to be alone again and review or recall back what's the starting cause for r/s with B and still have feelings to S..

Time will tell,

Your mind will be clearer and more in peace when you not attached to anyone yet before the decision you're making might cause another grief to others..

I believe its not the matter of growing up or not..

Maybe we all forget what we are.. Humans.. We are not programmed to do anything based on logic or rationals all the time cuz we simply have emotions. Thats why we always make mistake..it is that we shud never repeat the same mistake again..

But TS , at least u realised ur r/s with B, its good that you broke up with her earlier as u said she might have noticed that.. it would be better whn she realised that..

I think this thread can be closed, just let TS decide whats rite?

TS is older than most of us here i believe.. and i also believe his analytical skill bout his own problem will help himself..

We just need to give some morale support to him, not to sarcasm him

Why need to give him more headache ?

Zarks SG

= = whats that supposed to mean ? Are you jumping into conlusion that he's the only one who has the right to dump any gal but the gal dont have the right ?

Scion79 SG

thx mate Very Happy

Cheers

Sabbat SG

Scion, oh dear Scion.. . Youre Machiavellian aint you? From my analytical prognosis, you r not, I REPEAT NOT seeking any advice on your R/S at all!!! Youre confidant, and extremely succinct on how best to tread the path moving forward, re: S & B.

From your lengthy elaboration placing special emphasis in painstakingly describing the prowess of B and how well your present status matches up or perhaps suppress S, isnt it obvious that everything only serves to levitate and heighten your own self worth and apparent status? What youre probably trying to do (be it intentional or unknowingly) is to pen out your self alleged accomplishments into the forum and take a back seat, enjoying the responses (be it judgmental, condemnatory, encouraging or praise worthy) which only serves to rub and augment yr already HUGE male ego. Juz imagine that, from a jilted, unaccomplished GFN a few years ago, you have morphed into a distinguished professional with a penchant of twirling accomplished females around your little finger and whose forte is anything from hedge funds to entertainment!!! Wow, impressive isnt it!!

Nevertheless, kudos must be given for your remarkable applications of quotes from the financial guru and theories from the Russian academic. Well let me guess your status A hotshot novelist / journalist? An accomplished corporate warrior? Or perhaps even a distinguished academic yourself??? .Nah!! Your profile betrays a man on the street that has recently climbed out of mere meritocracy. And I bet you are gloating over that self perceived great triumph and grinning teeth to teeth right now as we are speaking!!! Well.. you are probably armed with a recently attained Masters or Doctorate degree too from the free flowing inputs of theoretical expressions.it really screams I am fresh out of school Your works are genuinely significant and flows like sparkling water from the ice alpines, yet it lacks the profound subtlety and modesty to conceal an overbearing effort in reiterating your apparent success in life and conquers over women.

Do B a big favor would you Drop her like a smoldering piece of charcoal right now!!! (I believe thats already in the cards before and without this entire forum thingy in the 1st place!!!) And I presume given your psychological mastery, it has already been done with tact and discreet. Its time for you to BMW with your newfound confidence, knowledge, status, pursuits blah, blah, blah..

S would always remain unblemished in your eyes, though she and you would never be together ever again. She was the one that truly touched your heart, yet she was also the one that awaken the dormant narcissism in you. Your dreadful alter-ego is unveiling itself to her bit by bit, yet her deliverance would come in the form that you yourself would NEVER be interested to recommence this past relationship and rekindle a lost love..

Pain is but a transient phase. Your once foolhardiness has taken a great toll in your self perception and confidence. Yet, you have reshaped your destiny and mapped a shimmering road for yourself. Touch your heart Have you lost confidence in love??? I seriously doubt so.. hold back your horses, youre not as bad as what you try to portray yourself to be and I sincerely believe the next serious Alphabet would be a blessed soul that would only happen after you have achieved sufficiently to slow down your pace and smell the roses around!!!

Just as a parting short, lets discuss Karma.

**Quote**

Karma is a very subjective thing. Instead of getting worried about negative karma being built in this lifetime, many people including myself
would prefer thinking of it as amortizing the positive karma from the past lifetime.

**Unquote**

That is absolutely true!!! I have been a cursed narcissist bitch all my life with the solace that I have suffered as poor lass spanning my entire past life Perhaps we are people of the same kind, we feel alive when we are recognized for our superiority!!! Our blood burn in our veins and we can hardly wait!!!!!!!!!

binarynwitz SG

Been a while since I've read such a long and detailed post. Kind of refreshing.

------

The old saying goes, "Once bitten, twice shy". It sounded to me you fit the bill perfectly.

To let yourself love without restrictions and then betrayed, the incident have no doubt left scars in you. Your self-protecting mechanism, a direct result of the break up and the bruise in your ego, suppressed your ability to love.

The many flings you had were merely your subconscious reaction to the first breakup- your belief that the breakup is due to the fact that you're inferior to her in terms of studies and career success.

B is merely another victim of that self-protecting mechanism. You already know what you should do. You seemed to have made up your mind. Execute it.

You are only delaying the inevitable- the relationship between you and B were built on superficial reasons and fuelled by your own ego and pride. That is, in your case, definitely the wrong ingredients for a relationsip.

Yet the self-protecting mechanism can only protect yourself from consequent harms, but not the initial. You have not gotten over S after all- you've adopted a form of escapism from her, weaving for yourself a tale of "nonchalant outlook towards life".

In the end, it is only your subconscious trying to convincing you that she's the past.

In fact, she has never left your life- you still live under the shadow of her actions.

Forget about B- she deserves someone who can love her fully.

And forget about S- break out of that self-protecting mechanism. Love is one of the most primitive feelings built into humans, and it is powerful. Learn to love yourself. Life is too short for you to be nonchalant about it. Only when you start cherishing yourself (and your ability to love), can you truly break out of that shadow.

Good luck- Life is too short to be not taken seriously.

binarynwitz SG

Crap.

I only just realised this thread was made almost two months ago.

Mad

Yunhaier SG

/me pat pat. Wink

Cheers

CannyOng SG

LOL.. Laughing

binarynwitz SG

Seems like Yunnie have been lurking in AA without actually posting, huh? Laughing

Sakuraflower SG

both also dun want and find someone else!

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