My ex and I have been together for more than 2 years. We broke
up yesterday and I was the one who initiated it. We have broken up
a few times before but patched soon after and were back to being
loveydovey.
I believe he still loves me because before the day we broke up, he
told me he really loves me and when I asked where he expected this
relationship to go, he said he wanted me to be his wife. I dont
think feelings fade that easily? So I guess there's still chances
for us to be together again, I still love him but I am really
confused.
The break up was mainly resulted due to an incident last Sunday.
Last Friday or something, he asked me to go to this party with him.
And I knew that his friends will be there. I told him that my
tuition ends at 3pm and I can meet him after that. On Saturday
night, I msged and asked if he wanted me to go to the party, he
said that he's scared that he wont accompany me. Still, he didnt
answer my question. I msged again, asking him the same question but
this time, there was no reply. As his handphone was prone to
running out of battery easily and he was usually out till late at
night, I didnt really bother.
Deep inside, I wanted to go. I couldnt sleep the whole night. Maybe
because of the stress I received due to school work that made me
want to go to a party that much. I was looking forward to it so
much.
I msged him at about 11am the next morning, asking the same
question again. No reply. Thought he might be sleeping. So yeah. I
went for my tuition and even after it ended, there was no reply
from him. Usually after my tuition, my Dad will fetch me home..But
this time, because I thought I was meeting him, I told my Dad that
he need not fetch me. After tuition, I slacked at Orchard alone.
Called up a lot of friends but mostly were not free or had plans
already. That added onto my frustration.
3.30pm. I called and he finally picked up the phone. He explained
that he overslept and will go bath and leave the house now. I asked
how long he would take, and he said, 'half an hour to bath and get
ready. 45 minutes to get to Orchard'. I got really fed up, this
wasnt the first time he overslept. And knowing him, it wouldnt take
only half an hour for him to get ready. I told him to cab down
because I didnt want to wait that long. I was alone at Orchard,
damn it! Moreover, many questions ran past my mind at that time.
Questions like, whether he knew that my tuition ended at 3pm but
didnt bother. Apparently, I let my emotions got the better of me as
I hurled vulgarities at him via sms. At first he was quite
apologetic and I told him to stfu and go and bath. He told me that
I can go and meet myself. In other words, we wont meet. It was 4pm
by then.
I kind of regretted so I decided I should just wait for him. I
msged giving him my reasons why I was really angry. His reply was
cold, and nonchalent. He said that we could meet, but he will be
taking train. Moreover, he wont be sending me home even if I went.
I asked why. And his reply was, "If other people's gf can go home
themselves, I dont see why you cant."
That fucking broke my heart.
The next few moments was spent on trying to make him say that he
will send me home. In fact, I had asked my Dad to fetch me home.
All I needed was for my him to say that he will send me home and
when its time for me to go back, I will tell him that there's not a
need to do so. But he didnt. I asked which was more important, the
party or me. And he said the party.
(Btw, the party has something to do with his hobby.)
Damn depressing.
I continued waiting until about 5.45pm. I got really frustrated and
asked where was he. He said he was at the party already.
Instantaneously, I went, WTF? I had been waiting so long for him
over there and yet he reached and didnt bother finding me? Then he
told me to meet him at the party. I told him to come and find me. I
gave him directions and also casually asked him to buy me a donut
from the donut shop down the road, near to where I was.
He found me after searching for 10 minutes or so. I ate the donut
he bought, and he offered me his drink. He asked if I wanted
another one and I said no. I walked away and he followed behind me
and slowly, we were walking together again. No words were
exchanged. Then I dont know for what reason, he just walked off and
went to the party himself.
Just then, my Dad called and asked if I was ready to go to my
Uncle's place and I left the vicinity.
It seems like God planned everything.
For all he has done and said, I am really hurt. His insensitivity
has disgusted me because he wasnt like this in the past. He knows
that I cant accept his hobby and hopes that he would reduce doing
it to spend more time with me but he just refuses to do so. Its not
like I am totally stopping him from doing it what. He's a really
nice guy when we are 'Okay' and I enjoy times spent with him. It
has been a long time since we knew each other. We knew each other
for months before getting together.
I was, and in fact still hurt that I so much want to hit him, punch
him, kick him, slap him and cry in front of him.
But I know I will miss him. He says that I am too sensitive. Am
I?
I dont mind getting flamed here. And I am kinda sure he will read
this. So yeah. I just need help.
