unsupportive wife

last SG · 2007-08-09T22:11:19+00:00

Wha 2 k no problem for you ya, must be damn rich. I thot only the poor have marriage problem, the rich also have it. If I got 2k everymth, i won't mind divor...

reyes SG

just wana share my personal sorrows.

my work require me to do regional to support customers and looking for business opportunity.
everytime i received requirement to do overseas, i felt worried and scare that i had to broke the news to her and get nags, complain from her. imagine i had to do it 2-3times mth.

i had good relationship with my daughter. somehow i feel she is not doing enough as a mother. my daughter enjoy my companion more than with her. it is not that she is a disciplianiam but she simply bochap and chap the wrong things. whenever i am in singapore i will play with my daughter and bring her to outing, watch elmo show, barnie show, cartoons and chat with her about anything.
i handle all bills at home. i need to remember when to pay utilities bills, conservation charges, pay her credit card bills ( she pay me when she received her pay which is normally after due date). but most of myfriends is handle by their wife.

she doesnt save, spent every cents of her pay. i try to save around 20-30k a year for my old age and also plan for my children education fees.

my mom bought breakfast every weekend for her. she never bother to wake up to buy any breakfast for me or my mom.

she brought her dog but seldom walk it. now the dog become another of my good pals, which is the only one that bother to wait for me to come home after late work in office.

she only cook less than 10 times for the family in 5 yrs. And seldom offer to pay for dinning out although her pay is quite OK.

that is my version of the story i try to ask myself think on her side.
i told myself, no matter what for the sake of children i will hold this family together.
do any bros have any similar less than happy marriage.
please share if you can.

reyes SG

thanks bro, for some form of encouragement.
i dont feel pity of myself. just pity my children that i can give them a happy family. anyway i still do my part as a father and breadwinner.

it never easy to really know a woman during courtship. trust me. everything seem perfect till marriage.
most ppl will say woman scare marry the wrong man. but i feel, men too will feel the strain of marrying a wrong woman.
i had a few friends who are divorce with kids. the lost their kids and had to pay maintanence fees to their ex-wife. suddenly most of them end up in financial crisis.

rathcycle SG

edit, nth.

rathcycle SG

you are a clone ?
why do you thank yourself when theres no1 replying to this post yet ?
very funny Confused

Xephone_xenon SG

Previously he posted his troubles in bar.
And some replied to it. And i think that message is replying to all those that replied him in bar lor.

This guy is sincere la.

selfobliged SG

why dont u have a heart to heart talk with your wife? Or if the problem persist, seek a counsellor.

gigabyte14 SG

did you try to make ur daughter a middleman?

it works

Xephone_xenon SG

I think will worsen the relationship between the family.

I really pity this guy.

golani_bde SG

reyes SG

What I cannot understand is that why do you guys have split financial accounts and end up getting upset over each others lack of financial contribution. Throw everything into a common pool, that is what I do. What is the marriage for if there is such clear delineation?

Why must a wife cook? If she does not enjoy it, get a maid or eat out!

What's wrong with handling the bills? Heard of GIRO?????

You think your daughter enjoys your company more. have you considered that this is because she sees less of you due to your travelling and you always bring her to the fun activities when you are back. Which kid doesn't like it? While your wife may make the kid study when you're away so that the kid can be out with you when you are back? Was your wife on these outings too??? So how much of your kid's joy is soley due to you?

BTW, daughters look up to daddies, proven in studies. My daugther loves my wife, but when asked what she wants to be in her role playing games, she always want to be the daddy, even though I spend less time with her than my wife and I spend at least a third of each month out of town.

She spends all her pay... on herself or on herself and the family? Or does she need to support her parents as well?

If the dog is such a pain to walk, send it to SPCA, then let it spoil your husband wife relationship.

Why do you expect her to stay up and wait for you if you come home late from work???? She is working as well right??? She needs to wake up fresh and energetic everyday.

Your mum buys the breakfast because old folks sleep less and they still treat you like a kid and looks after you and your wife. As long as your wife has not been ungrateful, there is no need to wake up early just to buy breakfast, it will be nice but not necessary. If she happens to be out and buys home food/snacks, does she buy a share for your mum? If she does,.... you do not have a valid point.

Has it crossed your mind that your wife's health may have deteriorated after child birth and hence tires easily??? Tonics?????

BTW I'm a married guy, not a woman.

i respect your comments but i hope as a person you can show respect to other ppl besides your doting wife.

Sorry but we dont link credit card bills with GIRO.
i am not insisting wife must cook all days. in fact, it appreciative if she can cook once in a while for me and my mom and she knows how to do it back in her country of origin.

dog is like a family members. i can do it your way to sent your family dog to SPCA if you think he is a pain. all i am saying is, it is appreciative if once in a while she can walk it. afterall, she should feel close to care for him.

I think you value wife too highly more than your mom. in that i feel sad for your mom. try to think for your mom even though she dont say it. they enjoy once in a while when her daighter in law can take the trouble once a day in a week to wake up 8am to buy her breakfast. anyway, i do it for my mom and family when i am around.

i respect your decision to share accounts that means both of you have a common understanding. base on her spending pattern, i can do it. i had to think for my children future, my mom and retirement.

even though your policy works for you but it isnt a SOP policy that work for every family. i agree, i had works to be done, i will try my best. i am here only show little frustation and if any bros have similar experience.

Chill out!

blu_sky SG

Yes, i hear you. i have a feeling that you feel your wife is bochap, takes care more of herself, and less than caring/affectionate? correct me if i m wrong.

you mentioned all was fine until marriage. was she already like that during courtship?

try talking to her. maybe she is oblivious to your unhappiness. but that does not mean she doesnt care. some people are just less sensitive. let her know you will like to feel more loved? by doing these little things (eg, cooking once in a while, buying breakfast once or twice a mth) will really make you feel happy. if she cares for you, she will try to do it, i am sure.

of cos, on your part, dont expect a miracle to happen. things like paying bills, maybe you cant expect her to do cos it looks like it is really not her to care for so much things. if it wears you down, opt for giro.

Hope you hear gd news from you!

angel7030 SG

Wha lau! so many problems, no wonder they told me dun marry better. Now i understand liao.

blu_sky SG

honestly, i dont see them as problems (yet?). I think they are just differences in expectation. with proper communication and some efforts, the differences can be bridged.

No one says marriage is easy. Anyway what gd things in life comes free other than a mother's love?

wuguimei SG

Originally posted by reyes:
[b]What I cannot understand is that why do you guys have split financial accounts and end up getting upset over each others lack of financial contribution. Throw everything into a common pool, that is what I do. What is the marriage for if there is such clear delineation?

Why must a wife cook? If she does not enjoy it, get a maid or eat out!

What's wrong with handling the bills? Heard of GIRO?????

You think your daughter enjoys your company more. have you considered that this is because she sees less of you due to your travelling and you always bring her to the fun activities when you are back. Which kid doesn't like it? While your wife may make the kid study when you're away so that the kid can be out with you when you are back? Was your wife on these outings too??? So how much of your kid's joy is soley due to you?

BTW, daughters look up to daddies, proven in studies. My daugther loves my wife, but when asked what she wants to be in her role playing games, she always want to be the daddy, even though I spend less time with her than my wife and I spend at least a third of each month out of town.

She spends all her pay... on herself or on herself and the family? Or does she need to support her parents as well?

If the dog is such a pain to walk, send it to SPCA, then let it spoil your husband wife relationship.

Why do you expect her to stay up and wait for you if you come home late from work???? She is working as well right??? She needs to wake up fresh and energetic everyday.

Your mum buys the breakfast because old folks sleep less and they still treat you like a kid and looks after you and your wife. As long as your wife has not been ungrateful, there is no need to wake up early just to buy breakfast, it will be nice but not necessary. If she happens to be out and buys home food/snacks, does she buy a share for your mum? If she does,.... you do not have a valid point.

Has it crossed your mind that your wife's health may have deteriorated after child birth and hence tires easily??? Tonics?????

BTW I'm a married guy, not a woman.

i respect your comments but i hope as a person you can show respect to other ppl besides your doting wife.

Sorry but we dont link credit card bills with GIRO.
i am not insisting wife must cook all days. in fact, it appreciative if she can cook once in a while for me and my mom and she knows how to do it back in her country of origin.

dog is like a family members. i can do it your way to sent your family dog to SPCA if you think he is a pain. all i am saying is, it is appreciative if once in a while she can walk it. afterall, she should feel close to care for him.

I think you value wife too highly more than your mom. in that i feel sad for your mom. try to think for your mom even though she dont say it. they enjoy once in a while when her daighter in law can take the trouble once a day in a week to wake up 8am to buy her breakfast. anyway, i do it for my mom and family when i am around.

i respect your decision to share accounts that means both of you have a common understanding. base on her spending pattern, i can do it. i had to think for my children future, my mom and retirement.

even though your policy works for you but it isnt a SOP policy that work for every family. i agree, i had works to be done, i will try my best. i am here only show little frustation and if any bros have similar experience.

Chill out![/b]

ME too agreed.. every man have their ways of dealing and 'handling' their wives not all might ve the same ways. above mentioned might not really wana 'show off' but juz kinda concern perhaps.

your wife is kinda bochap.. but anway,, that life.. you can talk it ouT! tell her how you feel and wad you expect.

there are stages. eg. courtship and marriage are difference.

Is a time to b sweet where you won't able to see their negative side but positive.

Marriage is another stage of life.. where u can see the total of the parties.

best way is to talk to your wife nicely. have a family outing once in a while. perhaps you can go marketing with your wife and cook with her too!

Be it is Marriage or Dating.. All it Need is Communication. Agree? Smile

keep us update!!

* sorry i am very new to this but i am glad i've found this site*

[b][b]sorry i don't hw to use this.. sorry. WUGUI MEI [/b][/b]

Uncertain SG

I feel that ur wife is not ready to commit or rather she dun want to commit at all. Kinda sad to hear ur case, try to thrash thing out with her so that she understand ur difficulties.

Yunhaier SG

It appears to me that this difference in expectation hasn't been communicated to her like how it should have been between husband and wife. You married her for 5 years, but now you begin to lament about how dissatisfied you are with her attitude towards everything else outside you. Perhaps you might already felt this coming many years back, but you probably opt for the easier option to avoid open talks.

Now such behaviour has been rooted - tearing them out of place will promise much strife.

This is interesting because you covered a wide spectrum of issues, even some that might appear to be mundane, but certainly, these are clashes of definition of what you reckon she should or should not 'do' as three separate roles - a wife, mother and daughter-in-law. You reckon that your marriage is not as happy as you would like it to be, but if you don't work on your marriage through proper channels and instead taking the easier option to avoid, I don't see how changes can take place by configuring your relationship on auto-pilot.

You might fear that bringing those issues openly for discussion might escalate implications, but surely if you don't - you will escalate your frustration instead and will burst when you hit boiling point.

Nobody is perfect, but hope lies in crafting a seeming-perfect marriage and like dough, love is not constant - it has to be remade and remoulded all the time.

You got to work on your communication for many years to come.

Take baby steps in achieving the big picture. Albeit that might not result in your ideal goal, but you have to look forward and strive to improve your relationship.

You don't have to resign to a 'less-than-happy-marriage' - you certainly have a choice. Idea

Cheers

FocusPoint SG

http://www.sgforums.com/?action=thread_display&thread_id=127048

This was what you posted 2 years ago. So your problem is not solved yet and still dragging on. It's a lost cause if you ask me. Have you seriously thought of divorcing? Maybe it's really better for both of you and healthier for your daughter. Staying married for the sake of staying married is never the solution. Your little girl may not exhibit any of those negative traits yet but you'd never know it's slowly seeping into her well-being and may destroy her emotionally. Do think for the future of your little girl. You do want her to grow up to be a healthy normal woman right?

rainee SG

Is it still dragging on because he has not talked to the wife about it? Means he has not taken any action to try to solve the problem?

Why consider a divorce when he has not done anything to try to salvage the situation? Divorce should only be the last option.

so_what SG

Hey bro...well i thk ur marriage stil can be salvaged. From wat u had written, wat i feel is tat u n ur wife may hav lost some communciation, when is the last time u n her has a heart to heart talk? You have been on biz trip at least twice a mth, so when u r back, u cherish ur time wif ur daughter, so hav u been spent some precious time wif ur wife too...dun forget women r sentimental human. Although she is a mother now but doesnt mean she dun need the caring and "romantic" moments wif u.

What i thk is tat maybe she jus wan to let u do ur husband part when u r in sg. From ur previous post, i realised ur wife is grown up in a westernised env. so therefore u need to balance u n her thinking. Ur posts sound to me tat it's either ur daughter spent time wif u or ur daughter wif ur wife..so when is the last time the three of u spent some quality family time? If u r busy to plan some outinmg lik picnic, maybe jus a meal or movie. Maybe u would think who am i suggesting ideas n giving opinion (I AM NOT MARRIED) however i hav seen countless fiends who are couples..believe me, dad always play the "angel" role n mum play the "devil" role. wat i thk ur wife may jus wan to have a fair role in ur family.

Last but not least, the advise is --- TALK TO HER ! Wink

golani_bde SG

Apologies if I sounded rude. I feel that the main issue for you is that you have a set idea what an ideal wife should be. You must appreciate her for what she is, she must have some virtues that you like? It is painful for both you and your wife to fit her in a mould. Be flexible. No GIRO for cc bills is an example. Be flexible, rather than lament that things are not happening the way it should be.