unsupportive wife

last SG · 2007-08-09T22:11:19+00:00

Wha 2 k no problem for you ya, must be damn rich. I thot only the poor have marriage problem, the rich also have it. If I got 2k everymth, i won't mind divor...

storywolf SG

Ah ma already say - "Boy wife you ownself choose one, choose that time, you must eye big big and wide wide, choose wrongly, only got ownself to blame!!!"

What the moral of this story - you must use eye drop before you choose !!!!

(human) SG

Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, and half-shut afterwards. -Benjamin franklin

angel7030 SG

What to do, Ah Kong said, as long as you like it (shape, face and sexy figure), then get marry lor, but he forget to tell him to love the character and personality first.

reyes SG

Appreciate all bros advice.
we had talks for many times and it lasted only few mths before it goes back to old ways. i am not blaming her. i had faults as no man is perfect. i tot of ending it all once together but the tots of losing my daughter make me think twice coz my wife is a foreigner. she will def bring my daughter away.

anway, i am getting numb. i just wana earn as much money as possible to prepare for the worse.

shirurinu SG

That is why the divorce rate in singapore is so high.

Can't be salvaged then want to end it all.

Take a walk down memory lane and think of how you met each other, fall in love and why you want to spend your life with her.

I agree with some forumites opinion that you conceptualise what and how a wife should be and do. But tat's the asian culture of what you think, in westernised countries, it's not that way. So you can't blame her for not doing your way.

Maybe both of you can sit down together and write down on seperate sheets of paper of your expectations or what the other part haven't done enough. You might find that she also have tons of things abt you to write. Then work on it together. Set a dateline for each other and review again. Talks can be forgotten but when u write it down, you'll not forget and have a better understanding of the situation. But to do this, both of you have to keep and open mind and not jump into defensive mode and say you are not like that etc. It's all opinion and thoughts of each other. Maintaining a marriage is a team effort.

wuguimei SG

I strongly agreed with the above writer. me not married either but i tink best is u shld at least plan an outing as wad i mentioned earlier on to bring one another together. regardless is westernise or locally, in a marriage, communicate is one that you MuST have in it.

All E best 2 U.. keep us Updat on ur progress!! We're all Behind U..

oops!! =p

Cheers,
Wugui Mei. ^_* Embarassed

DailyFreeGames.com SG

Wah, how come your wife having the same character as my girlfriend? I paid off my gf's 10k cc bills last year, guess what? This year, she chalked up another 7k debts on cc bills, and I have to work hard to pay off for her mistakes. But I haven't married, so if she still like that, refuse to change, I have to end my relationship with her, coz cannot tahan lor, drag down my life, those money I could have invested to get me 100k in 15-20 years time, but it's all gone like that, heart pain sia.

Maybe one thing my girlfriend is different from your wife is, I guess your wife chio chio, my gf is ok looking only, I'm not a looks person so doesn't matter much to me.

So glad to know that someone in the same situation with me, except my commitments is much lesser coz I am not married. The saying really true lor, 3 rings in a relationship, engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.

kivine SG

I dun understand why u guys let gals bully u. U think the Woman charter big? No need scared! They want equality, shove it to them. Bills all this split it equally, isnt that equality for them? As long as you pay for your child and her maintenance fees you are safe ( I think).

Ok, seriously. You should have a good talk to your wife.

On a note serious note, from what you said, she's damn bochap.

Arapahoe SG

i believe You and your wife need to fix - Your relationship "first" rather than being a Wife. and Mother. Only when u fixed your relationship than you can talk about being a role of a mother and wife and most notably husband.

When u talk it is not about what she should do "this"and "that" as a mother also it is not how you expect "Your Vision" of the future life together to be like.

Relationship takes 2 hand to clap. the life style that both of you undertake together rather than singlely ur point of view. U as a man will have to take a step down. (don't get views from your mother Mr. Green )

She is obviously bored and probably lost in this live style, And she don't feel that you are emotionally bonding with her. (not sex) Also importantly did you make her feel that she is an important part of your life and u need her as much as she needs you? Did you shower her with.....and not sex.

I am sure u do a good job explaining why u need to do what it takes to feed your family. But that is no enough.

every person has a point of communication some thru writting, some thru verbal communication. U must pick a right Mood when she is listening.

Good luck.

jojobeach SG

Reyes,

You need to let her know of your expectations.

How is the relationship between you and your wife ?
Is it a loving one ?
Do you and her go out for dates ( without the daughter ) ?
Do you still feel close ?

Your rantings is one sided.

As a woman.
Perhaps her inaction to a lot of things is due to the fact that, she too has lost interest in this marriage.

Have you considered that perhaps, she too, is staying in this marriage because of her daughter ?

Even in the western world, nobody wants their kids to be victims of divorce.
They know how much damage divorce does in children's psychological and emotional progress.

As much as you'd like to feel appreciated for your effort.
Have you give her any credits ?

I sense a lot of resentment in her.

She left her family and friends and familiar surroundings, to marry you, give you a daughter.
Live in Singapore, a tiny little country so far away from home,to start everything over again.

You have to travel for work, leaving her alone in an alien place to fend for herself. So far, she has done nothing to deserve a divorce. And yet, you are willing to let the marriage fall apart because she did not live up to your expectation ?

You think perhaps you married the wrong woman.
I think she married the wrong man.

Your rantings only tells me one thing.

That you know she is no longer in love with you.
That you know she is also thinking about leaving you.

That your complains and whining is merely to convince yourself, that she is the problem, not you.

I have to remind you, ego is not worth anything.

My suggestion to you is this.

Instead of finding reasons to believe she is a bad wife, why don't you put in more effort to re-ignite the fire between the both of you ?

After all, that woman sacrificed a lot to be with you.

spinsugar SG

Well put.

I think, TS, u could a date when both of u can sit down and chat undisturbed.. if being outdoors will make you both restrain yourselves, then "date" each other out at a nice quiet coffee joint and chat like old times (courtship).. sincerely ask your wife to tell you what she feels about you, about her responsibilities, about your responsibilities .. just play the listening ear for a moment, don't argue/interrupt, just absorb (set the pace). If it helps, both of u can write it all down like shirurinu said..

Don't give up hope.. keep communicating. Smile

spinsugar SG

sigh, I hate it when women abuse the Womens' charter.. there are women out there whose behavior disgusts me.. their irresponsible/selfish behaviour really undermines what us women have been fighting for the past few decades.. I cringe when men cite these girls as the reason they think feminism is all about burning bras and "eating" the guy. zzz!

T.Ryousuke SG

Yr in Karma stage, just endure, thing will be better.

There r shortcut to yr problem, but u have a kid to think of.

Manytime ppl r self contradict, that courses many problem. So u need to endure the suffering.

elindra SG

Shocked
You are too nice lor. Why can't you let her be responsible for her own actions
I know if I spend $$ indiscriminately (then again I wouldn't want him to bear my debts out of my own stupidity), my husband will not pay off my tab even though he loves me very much.

I think you should instil some form of self-responsibility in her ><

de_middle SG

thanks alot for giving an insight to a married man's life that has gone wrong Neutral

yup, well its now equal that men do have fear of marrying the wrong woman just as much as the woman does. Confused

mistyblue SG

Men always have these ideas what a woman should do - buy breakfast, serve their mother, teach children, keep the home clean, stay up and still look happy and fresh, be always happy and never show any unhappiness, never bring troubles to the husband but always share husband's troubles, never add any trouble to husband and always uplift husband's day, evey ouce of trouble at home/work/etc wife just carry on and solve on her own, drop everything she is doing the moment husband decide to do anything as if wife has no life, keep husband company all the time when he is around and not allow to go out with friends for fear she gets into affairs, when husband is not around - wife need to be at home monitored by mother in law, always give full support and trust when husband go overseas for long periods, always give in, always initiate and admit fault even when its the guy who is wrong, foot half of everything, pay for house, pay money to mother in law to keep her happy, get lectured on how to be a better wife, obey like a dog, keep peace even when mother in law sharp tongue hurt her, say hurtful things to wife and expect her to not be hurt and even apologise for causing the hurtful things to be said, expect the wife to never see family and treat wife family like dirt, bring issues to mother/father and have mother/father and husband combine strength to tekan wife and teach her how to be a better wife.
Men always find fault in the women they have choosen.

Why do men have issues accepting that the roles of women have changed?
Why is it that husbands always blame their wives when there are issues?
Why is it that husbands did not even live up to a role of a husband and yet demand so much from wives?

The above is a description of my husband's actions. Much similar actions as TS. I find him a bad husband and a lousy person but he always think he is the best person and I am the problem. From the point of view of a wife, I really cannot help it but really all I can think everyday is when I can end the relationship and I am just waiting for the next event to just push me over the edge and I will just divorce him.

TS wife might be unhappy because of certain things but TS can help but chanage his attitude.

NewAgeSensitiveBoy SG

Fwah Ts, you previous life kill her family, burn her house and rape her dog isit?

elindra SG

Misty I think this is pretty harsh
Not every guy is like that -_-"

I think it depends on the individual guy and I think that usually, the more "traditional" the guy, the more likely you will face such a problem.

T.Ryousuke SG

Many topic about r/s mostly end up finger pointing.

There r always 1 party always give in the other r spoiled.

So unless the give in 1 r suck dry, if not the karma still continue.

DailyFreeGames.com SG

Aiyah, logically I shouldn't pay off her debts all the time, but humans are emotional creatures, not always logical eh, and when my gf cries on the phone saying how stress lah bla bla, then my heart soft lah, then want to help lor.

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