Originally posted by paperlove:
I have this bestie, for like going 5 years.
We spent alot time together. Really alot.
I was free and easy - No CCA committment and BGR
We have been really close and happy hanging out together.
Until I gradually neglected her.
[b]Reason being:
1) Heavy CCA committment
2) BGR (problematic bf)
Over a period of 2 months plus, our friendship took a turn.
CCA committment was stressful as I have loads of deadlines to
meet.
Moreover the planning of 2 major events started together so it was
sometimes like a 'chiong till the end' thingy.
We were in the same CCA. It's just that she slowly didn't turn up
for CCA regularly. I can barely bring extra time to meet her. The
only regular meeting we had was CCA but it is gone totally.
My bf was rather problematic, as he is always demanding me for time
together. Our thinking clash soo much. I do not like to 'stick' to
my bf, and regards my studies and my friendship with my bestie as
my top priority.
I have no idea why but my bf seemed to be redundant, or worse to
say, he is bugging me and super irritating. (He wasn't like this in
the beginning)
We had quarrels almost everyday. The most stupid thing was he so
obsessed with MapleSEA that he forces me to play with him. There
was once I rejected as I want to sleep, he actually rang up my
house and shouted at me.
I can only take up whatever time I have left (after school and CCA)
to spend time together with him. I didn't meet my bestie for a very
long time. I broke up with him twice within 2 months, and he said
he would change. I waited for very long before he started to accept
my thinking.
She knows about my bf as 3 of us are colleagues in the past. She
knows our problem. My bf and her cannot click. I am like in
between.
However I disallow my bf to talk bad about my bestie and that is
often the cause of our daily quarrels because he feels that I am
too concerned about my bestie. I speak bad of my bf infront of her.
However I stopped talking abt my bf infront of her as she doesn't
like it. She also doesn't like it when I talks about CCA.
Hence I have nothing much to talk to her. Moreover she is going
through her darkest moments in her life due to some personal stuff
and I am busy doing my CCA event thingy. In fact, I am so engrossed
in doing and so busy editing the budget that I don't even realise
that I have more than 7 MSN Messenger windows.
After finish planning my event (which is 2 month plus later) I
tried contacting her but I didn't know how to start. So the stupid
me go and ask her about the Starhub Cable Internet. Her reply was
'today is exactly 1 month we didn't contact'
It didn't came out of my expectations of course. I did explain to
her. But she wasn't the same anymore. She do not bother about me
anymore. I hurt her tremendously and she cut herself.
I really feel remorseful and really wish to save our almost 5 years
friendship. I am sincere but she was so determined. I have been
trying to talk to her for almost 2 months. I didn't mean to spoil
our relationship.
I admit I was too self-centered. Being too involved in CCA as I was
becoming the committee member. Now I am in the committee, she finds
all sorts of ways to 'shoot' me and I am very upset, but still
thinks I deserves it.
Now, whenever I try talking to her, she starts to say 'go talk to
ur bf' or 'you have ur bf everytime' or 'you have ur bf to
accompany u'.
I asked her out and she thinks that I am treating her as a
substitute for my bf when my bf cannot accompany me. That is
absolutely not true. I am very hurt by this and it seemed that no
matter how hard I tried to explain, she doesn't take it.
My world is totally different w/o her. Whenever I see her I hide
away. I don't know how to face her again. I cry uncontrollably
whenever I talks about her. Being too emotional but its out of my
control.
I need encouragements and some enlightenment.
I welcome critism too. I am a lousy friend and I need to
improve.[/b]
I think your friend's definition of bestie goes along the line
of "Being there in my darkest moments, which you definately did not
satisfy.
True, you were involved in your planning of the activity, and also
your childish boyfriend, but if you did any prioritizing at all,
you placed her right at the bottom.
A friend in need is a friend indeed. You were too engrossed with
your work and boyfriend to consider that she was in the dumps, and
needed someone to talk to.
You didn't mean to spoil the friendship, but to her, this
friendship has been sullied the moment she cried for help, and you
didn't reply.
Don't see much you can do other than telling her what you did, and
ask for her forgiveness (if you really treasure this friendship),
if not, just take this lesson to heart, not to be so self-centred
anymore, and to priortize what you think is more important. Work,
BGR, or friend.
Take this as a lesson learnt,
Aaron
