Almost all the people here said that the problem is in your bf,
so I am taking the problem away from your bf.
My bf was rather problematic, as he is always demanding me for
time together. Our thinking clash soo much. I do not like to
'stick' to my bf, and regards my studies and my friendship with my
bestie as my top priority.
I have no idea why but my bf seemed to be redundant, or worse to
say, he is bugging me and super irritating. (He wasn't like this in
the beginning)
We had quarrels almost everyday. The most stupid thing was he so
obsessed with MapleSEA that he forces me to play with him. There
was once I rejected as I want to sleep, he actually rang up my
house and shouted at me.
Have you thought of it that why he had to demand time to be
together is because he can "feel" that he is a lower priority? As
you said, your studies and ur bestie is your top priority, and plus
your cca, do you have enough time go out with him?
You said that in the beginning, he was not like this. But over the
time, he might feel neglected because of your studies, cca and
bestie, he started to changed, he needs you too. So the best way to
do is to bug you for time to spend with him. Playing games together
is also a way to spend time together.
Although the shouting might be too overboard from him, that might
be his thinking that you do not want to spend time with him, you
are pushing him away. He is starting to feel that you are not there
for him.
He is feeling insecure. Yes, guys do feel insecure too. You might
think that if you neglect him, he will find his own things to do,
but if you make him feel that he is unwanted, he will start to be
insecure.
Is your bf in NS? If yes and if he is those who have to stay in
camp during weekdays, then he had only the weekends to be with you.
But with you busying with cca and bestie, how much time do you have
for him, since you had put him as a lower priority?
After finish planning my event (which is 2 month plus later) I
tried contacting her but I didn't know how to start. So the stupid
me go and ask her about the Starhub Cable Internet. Her reply was
'today is exactly 1 month we didn't contact'
[quote]It didn't came out of my expectations of course. I did
explain to her. But she wasn't the same anymore. She do not bother
about me anymore. I hurt her tremendously and she cut
herself.
I admit I was too self-centered. Being too involved in CCA as I was
becoming the committee member. Now I am in the committee, she finds
all sorts of ways to 'shoot' me and I am very upset, but still
thinks I deserves it.
Now, whenever I try talking to her, she starts to say 'go talk to
ur bf' or 'you have ur bf everytime' or 'you have ur bf to
accompany u'.
I asked her out and she thinks that I am treating her as a
substitute for my bf when my bf cannot accompany me. That is
absolutely not true. I am very hurt by this and it seemed that no
matter how hard I tried to explain, she doesn't take it.
Did she cut herself because you did not contact her, or because
of her own problems?
From those words that she spoke to you, I feel that she think that
you are hers and that no one can come in between the two of
you.
I have this bestie, for like going 5 years.
We spent alot time together. Really alot.
I was free and easy - No CCA committment and BGR
We have been really close and happy hanging out together.
As you said here, the two of you spent a lot time together for 5
years, and so suddenly, she cant accept the fact that you had a
bf. She feels that a part of her is taken away from her. In short,
she cant stand the fact that you had a bf and resist the idea of
having to share your time with other people. She wants all your
time all by herself.
I have a question here; does she need you to be with her most of
the time? For example, everyday die die must chat on the phone or
MSN?
If the answer is yes, then I feel that she is the one who is
sticking to you like a leech. She is immature in her
thinking.
This is only my point of view from the other side, as too many said
that the fault is in your bf. But how many people can see that the
problem from themselves?
My gf used to stick to me until I feel irritated. So I told her
that we sometimes need time for ourselves, for other people, and we
should not prevent each other from seeing our friends.
Anyway, I do hope you can strike a balance between friendship and
relationship, but it is not so easy. I used to have regular
breakfast cum talk c.ock time with 2 of my good friends every
Sunday, rain or shine. Until 1 of them got attached, and he started
to spend more time with his gf. We got tired of asking him out,
because he will say that he is not free. I understand why he said
that so I am fine with it, but my other friend does not really
understand. He feels that there is no need for my attached friend
to be with his gf 24/7. So they fallen out. Until recently, my 2nd
friend got attached too and finally understands why my 1st friend
only spends all his time with his gf. So now, we still meet up
sometimes for coffee, just to catch up with each other doings and
career.
My long long story is to drive this point, there is no fault with
anybody, whether you, your bf or your bestie. But you have to make
it know to your bestie that each of you had your own personal life,
you have your studies, cca and bf. She seems not to understand the
big picture that you are having with. And you have to let her know
that. Friends need not to be with each other all the time, but when
she need you, you will be around.
For your bf, its good he is changing for you, but did you change
for him? It takes 2 hands to clap. Just remember that.
Lastly, sorry for this long long post, I think this is the 1st time
I had wrote so long. I do hope you can solve your f/s and r/s
problems.
Cheers
