When a guy says..

last SG · 2007-07-24T11:58:03+00:00

Welcome to the club Cutangle, you've just earned yourself a badge in reality.

shirurinu SG

You must understand that i'm not desperate that I don't mind being in a non-commitmental relationship.

I cannot be with a guy if i dun like him at all. I have suitors, but I dun like them at all, so i kept myself at a distance with them.

I'm sure you have seen gals whom they know that some guys likes or have interest in them, they will give them false hope and use the guys in every way. I'm not like that. I can't exploit anyone and I dun like to give false hope to those guys who I know have an interest in me.

If you really like this person, and the only option for you to be with him/her is a non-commitmental relationship, will you go for it?

I know some forumites are going to flame me for not using my brains. Everyone can be so full of themselves while lashing out the rationale, but how many of us can really do it when it happen to us.

Especially when i'm the kind of person whose criteria is FEELINGS.

If given u a choice

1) Someone you like very much but ambiguous
2) Someone who likes you very much, but you dun feel a thing for him/her and you know feelings are not going to come.

What would you choose?

Actually I can anticipate all the responses " stupid gal... What are feelings... being loved is better than loving"

I've said that to others too... but feelings can't be controlled. The more i wanna run away, the more my feet got stuck to where i am..

shirurinu SG

I dun deny i'm taking a gamble.

Every relationship is a gamble.

One day you are not married, you will still lose...

Even if you are married, you might still lose

The gamble never ends till the day you die. If till the day you die, you are still happily married with the one you love.. you win...

Otherwise, we are all losers..

bkbatboy SG

this can be considered a flinG?

shirurinu SG

Hey bufpuf.. ya lo... me no longer westsider liao ma...

Thanks for ur advice...

U know the kind of feeling it gets more intense...? It's not like u can pull a plug and ask it to stop de.

ordinaryguy32 SG

I'm sorry to hear all about your predicament.

Gamble is too strong a word, when we gamble, we have no control over the outcome. But in relationships, we do have control over the outcome.

A lot of people here think your guy is a player. Is he one, or is he not?

From the latest info, it seems that work is so important to him.

Ultimately, will you settle for such a workaholic guy?

Inter-racial relationships can be a tough call, yeah..
it's possible, but it's tough.

shirurinu SG

As what i've mentioned in my earlier posts, I agree that my feelings got more intense.

In the beginning everything was fine, but he'll always ask me where am i, asking to go back and home and rest, dun go party, dun always go home late etc.

He can even tell me straight in the face " go back straight and rest."

Is that what a guy in a non-commitmental relationship tell the gal? I thought there's not supposed to be in this way?

ordinaryguy32 SG

For girls, I would say number 1 is more natural and hence a better potential deal. But then, that is extremely controversial and reflects only my personal opinion. And after all, I'm a guy. And I have had to learn to give up on girls that don't like me as much as I like them, because it "doesn't feel right".

It's very hard to give up feelings for another person just like that.

From what you have just said, you cannot expect to go to sleep everyday and just forget about your feelings for him like that.

Your cautious approach is being threatened by your desire for his love, which may force you to give more than it is advisable.

It's all up to you. Maybe it helps to confide in some friend who is trustworthy and she may give you a good objective perspective. We forumers here can only comment in the absence of details.

FocusPoint SG

All I can say TS is treading on thin ice base on her post. She already knew the answer to the guy's reply if she bring it out in the open. And if TS 'threatened' the guy will just retreat leaving her standing cold like what he did in his previous relationship. This guy is no wimpy. He knows what he wants and once he set his mind on a decision he will not waver. So, TS, don't try to change him into accepting you as a gf. He will not! And you will hurt deeper. Either continue as you are now, which is to be in this no string attached relationship (which I don't agreelah since I'm from the old school but your choice lah since you try to emulate the western ways of living lifestyle) or leave the relationship completely.

Actually I don't agree to what you are going to do that is to tell the guy your true feeling cos you are not playing by the rules which you both set up. You violated the rules and now want more out of this relationship. Not really fair to him. Sorry I hate to say that but here you are the bad guy or woman. Rolling Eyes

ordinaryguy32 SG

I am an optimist, and hence I take it that he is concerned about you, but he knows that his work and lifestyle and fear of another r/s collapse prevents him from entering another relationship so fast.

He wants to show concern, but is fearful of being in a proper r/s where the girl demands a lot of him.

Does that make sense?

I like to think that things are going to work out really fine between you and him, given more time.

shirurinu SG

What makes u think he still loves his gf...

I ever mentioned that I think they look very loving together becoz i have seen their pictures together... at that moment of time i tot they were still together, but he said "If what you say is true.. y was i left 2 months ago? I never bother to look back n talk abt it coz i'm not the type that gets brought down by such things and i always look whats infront. But u wanna brought it up?"

shirurinu SG

Which man dun feel that career is important?
I dun mind my bf(not just him) is a workaholic... because that shows that he's not a good for nothing.. Thats 1 of the reason that i like about him is his attitute in work... so i never grumble when he fly me aeroplanes due to work.

We usually have no control over outcome in relationship either.. dun u think so... U can put in all the effort that u have, but when ur other wans to leave, can u control?

shirurinu SG

I dun have any intention in pressuring him to go into a serious relationship at all... If u read my first post, I was asking how to deal with a non-commitmental relationship... I didn't know how it got side-tracked that i wanted to make him commit.

Although I do hope that it can evolve into something else, I dun like to force. It's just that the feelings start to get intense tand plus the things that he do, got myself confused. It's just a thin line between non-commitmental relationship and a normal relationship. And i'm trying to figure which is which...

ordinaryguy32 SG

In that aspect, you are right. You can't control the outcome, although you can influence it to a certain extent.
What I meant previously was you can choose to walk away or you can choose to wait.

ordinaryguy32 SG

It is a thin line indeed. Every relationship goes through that patch before becoming "dead certain".

I think that if he is serious (a non-player), he may just be as confused as you.

Maybe it is good to have a heart-to-heart talk. Find out about his fears and expectations as much as possible (Guys usually don't like to admit they're scared, it's a macho mentality, but try your best).

Questions to ask are:
is he going to be ready in the next 2-3 months for a rock-solid relationship
what is his expectations of you as a gf.

Then communicate about what you really want.

And see if you 2 can work out a common ground...

Good luck!

Ionlytalknoaction SG

I am really sorry that your feelings cannot be controlled.

It seems your love for him caused some deficiency in your logical thinking.

I have nothing more to say.

By all means, go and follow your feelings.

I think you should continue the relationship for all I care.

You are just a stranger in the forum asking for silly logical answers/advice.

If you ever got hurt, I really don't care.

I do not know you

I have not met you.

Go with your non-commitment relationships.

If you got hurt in the end, that's the last thing on my mind.

I mean you can die for all I care.

However, when you do die because of this silly relationship that can be prevented with logical thinking.

as a human being, I can only feel sad for a stranger and move on with my life.

In a way, feeling sad for 10 seconds.

peace out.

PS: If I really like someone and the beautiful, sexy, hot girl with big boobs offer me non-commitment relationship.

I rather love an ugly,pimpled-face woman who treat each and every relationships of hers seriously.

Yes I do like the girl for non-commitment relationship.
I do desire her in any way possible.

However, ask yourself.

Do you want a true love?

or

Do you want to keep hoping for a true love?

I agree with you.
Love is blind and irrationale.

However, You need to have mature and logical minds to handle love.
You are immature in every way.

Feelings cannot be controlled but they can be lessened.

I will repeat myself again. If you do get hurt, nobody would really care unless there is still some good people around or that you can offer people something good in return.

I sorry to say this. You are childish in everyway. I do love girls who are child-like. However, childish girl are a pain in the butttt.

Imagine a childish kid screamming in the middle of the road and you know what I mean. That kid also cannot controlled his feelings. I think that is plain childish.

LOL

Anyway take care and don't get hurt unnecessary.

Peace.

ordinaryguy32 SG

You seem mildly infuriated at the senselessness of TS, but she's a girl.

All I have to say is that, your post will work wonders if TS is a guy. If a guy ponders on like this, kicking him in the boot sometimes work wonders with comments like "wake up your idea", "go screw yourself and die and nobody will care". Army-stuff motivation.

We guys can go non-committal easily to ease the hurt in the context of your big-boob bimbo and ugly girl example. It's a piece of cake.

Girls are different. Period.

shirurinu SG

I'm not asking anyone to be sympathetic to me.. or care or concern. I was just simply asking about general opinions and boundaries about non-commitmental relationships. You dun even have to feel sad if i die.. Coz i won't die..

If i am childish, I would like clung to him like a koala bear or make a scene in front of everybody.

If you really ask me do i believe in true love?
Then do u know what is the definition of TRUE love?

I believe in love... and when i'm in love, I'm true to that person. But when the love is lost, we'll go seperate ways... But can u deny that my love wasn't true?

Even if i got hurt in the end, I dun blame anyone. Cause i know that it's my consequenses to bear . I do not need u to come and tell me the pathetic plight i am in. Thank you v much

Devil1976 SG

At this point, many possibilities are quite open...

I have a question? Since you've already gotten yourself into this relationship, is it important for you to know if it's a 'normal' or non-commitmental relationship...?

Everybody lives some dreams at one point of their life or another.... You've got to understand that the reason that you've got together with him in the 1st place is not because you want a commitment from this relationship.... No though all this might change with time as your feelings for him grow, but there's no telling if he might be more willing to commit in the future too...? Relationships can build up or tear down with time, it's just too early and quite pointless to speculate at the moment...

I have this last question to you for now.... Even knowing that this relationship is a non-commitmental one currently, would you just give it up if nothing really wrong happens within this relationship...?

If my guess is correct and your answer is 'no'.... And you're not in a hurry elsewhere... Why not just make the best out of this relationship instead of waiting for it to just die off....?

"A flower lover grows a flower to enjoy and admires its beauty.... Not so as to dwell each day off... Wondering when the flower would just die off......."

Do you love your flower at this point Question

PS. Notheless, just be aware of what the other forumites are trying to tell you and their possibilities... Life is often not a bed of roses no matter how a start might appear to be... If you decide to set foot, just hold the correct mentality for now.... Wink

choco B SG

What did he do that gets you confused? You can't tahan him showing extra care and concern? Or can't tahan him being over-possessive and restrictive on where you go / what you do?

Next time he asks for / does something that you feel is inappropriate, just 1) ignore 2) tell him off and ignore 3) laugh in his face and ignore. You could also do exactly the opposite of what was requested, just to spite him.

Bottomline is, do not give in to his requests if you feel it is not what he deserves.

Ionlytalknoaction SG

"wake up your idea", "go screw yourself and die and nobody will care". Army-stuff motivation

Hmmmm....... I don't really count that as a motivation to anymore. I mean seriously, does it really motivates anymore with your above statement?
It feels more like reality.

This is a reality. Not a kick in the boots to wake her up.

However, if it really wake her up. I have accomplished something.

I don't think it will wake her up.

I mean you are discriminating people against gender.

Girls are different from boys yet girls want equality in everything(from workplace to social status).

Why should girls be any different if girls want equal status with men?

I just told her about the reality of life.

By the way, that is not a motivation talk. That is the reality of life.

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