Parents in Law living with you

last SG · 2007-06-20T17:37:43+00:00

I was choking when I read some of the replies of the thread on parents... http://sgforums.com/?action=thread_display&thread_id=261985 Then later I came...

mistyblue SG

Its her insecurity. She's a graphic designer who got herself into the position of marketing manager. She is relying lots on the boss to teach her everything he knows about marketing.

The thing is that the boss and myself know each other before her and we had been talking and discussing as friends on certain issues at work. I asked him to be my mentor.

I am from IT moved into Business Dev now to Product Marketing. Everything I do, she will reverse it and wipe out my effort. Right in front of me, ask someone else to redo the completed work I handed up. She is not that capable and she knows it so she tried to step on the team members to promote herself because she thinks we will do nasty things to take credit away from her. So she hordes the work, does lousy project management, take credit where she does not deserve, erase credit when she can. Basically it boils down to insecurity and her lack of grace and she is quite a manipulative.

viciouskitty74 SG

Very very common... Mr. Green

mistyblue SG

Never threaten HB as this puts him in a position he has to choose. People get married without knowing the path forward is tough and require a lot of work. People also assume many things and expect many things. Its human nature. Otherwise people will never get married knowing all the problems

House is my name. My HB want to get another private unit but I know that with our salary, its a stretch. I was not willing to go through that. Besides, I told him there are more fundamental issues that needed to be solved that moving out will not help.

mistyblue SG

divorce does not solve anything.
Keep calm, look on the bright side, keep busy. There are things to do and things to look forward than thinking about these people and the things they do just to get some satisfaction. I am not saying that I am holier than thou etc. But I realize that I am not a easy person, neither are my HB or his family. People have flaws. If they cannot take it. Then No point for me to do tit for tat. Its just going to escalate things and have a bad ending.
Its equally important to see what is key and focus on that. Such as what he sees in me and what I see in him. what we do for each other and be happy and contented. I have ants in my room that bite me in my sleep. He work shift and when he was back, I asked him to spray my room. He had to go buy the insecticide and spray my room. Kill the ants. Set the traps. Then air it so that I do not get poisoned. Think about it, he came back from midnight shift and did all that.

jojobeach SG

Misty,

I salute you in your endeavour to live through such a union.

May you find your happiness within thousand pieces of torns.

Such a life I cannot live, for I would have made the world known my anger.
Therefore, you are indeed holier than me.
Wink

elindra SG

I wish you the best Misty Smile

InnoHippo SG

good thing u are not blind to the nice little things ur HB is doing for u ...... Smile

tutu2 SG

misty,

no lah, i dun mean to threaten HB, but u hv to reason out lor..u married him thinking he can give u happines..end u there are 2 more 'lightbulbs' in between..that is causing conflict..he has to acknowledge this.

my hb know that i am unhappy w PIL, he has been very accomdating to me ..but..yes'day we had w tiff again over PIL..i think this is causing a strain on us.. Crying or Very sad

to make things worst, my MIL name is the old 3rm flat's upgrading bill of $11K is here! i told my hb NOT to pay for her..cos is her prob..she has to sell away the house or withdraw her name ..but she just dun dare to bgr this topic up to grandma (her own blood mother)

TinySue SG

Sounds like your MIL is venting her anger on you that on heaped upon her by the other SIL.

From what I see it, you are too unconfrontational to the point of being a sponge a doormat and let your MIL walked all over you.

Sigh, I know it's easier said than done but sometimes it is really easier done than said if you are more firm with yourself

Let's not go back to the past of you made the wrong choice of choosing this man as your husband for you were too blindly in love to observe his surrounding like his parents and blah blah blah. As what they said no point crying over split milk. The 'IF ONLY I'VE DONE THIS AND THIS' phrase doesn't apply here anymore.

Right now we should tackle your present situation and how to go about it. Ask yourself these questions

1) Is your marriage worth hanging on? - If not DIVORCE! Wipe the slate clean and start all over again. Short term hurt is better than long term hurting.

2) If not divorce, do you think you can live in this kind of condition for the rest of your lives? Please take note you did say your MIL is ONLY 50s. Not that old at all unless touch wood she kena accident and one leg kick immediately.

3) Do you seriously think taking to the bottle will really clear up all these problems? I am very sure you already knew the answer if you are a rational person from the posts you have posted (not just this but others as well). You jolly well know that it will only add on to your problems and misery and on top of that give your MIL one more reason to look down on you and one more excuse to tell your hubby how really useless a person you are. Do you really want that?

The whole world and this AA community and offer and talk to you about cock and bull story but ultimately it's up to you to be strong and make your stance. Don't show the world that you are a strong capable woman who can handle her own life. SHOW YOURSELF that YOU ARE CAPABLE OF HANDLING YOUR OWN LIFE.

Take a day when you think you are ready and face the mirror and tell that woman in the mirror you are your own mistress and the solution is in your hand. Go for it girl!!!

jojobeach SG

Tutu,

I think you are kinda harsh towards your PIL.

The upgrading debt can be shared among the siblings.
Your husband need not be the only one to share the burden, right ?

If grandma refuse to sell the flat, there's nothing your PIL can do.
OK, say now grandma and your MIL sell the flat to pay the debt.
Where is grandma going to stay ?

tutu2 SG

jojo,

Grandma now lives with her son in condo, the 3 rm has been rented out recently after the upgrade has been completed..for the past 10yrs, the house was occupied by PIL & HB until recently we got married & got our own flat..PIL was kenna 'chased' out by grandma..she says 'your son now rich liao, can afford a house, u should not stay here anymore' ..i mean we are ok, but she refuse to let MIL remove her name cos she claim she got no $$ to return back to MIL's CPF. Confused

i think she is too selfish,she dosent wants PIL to get a flat under their name. She got 5 sons !! sometimes i pity my MIL for having such a mother.

tutu2 SG

oh jojo,

talk abt sibling, my hb only got one brother..who is henpecken..cannot do anything on his own ..90% of all his $$ goes to his wife..and the wife dun like PIL at all, she nvr visit them & forbids her HB to visti PIL too often..when BIL is at our house, she will call and ask "why you go there for what?" which i find is ridiculous, she can dun come, but she cannot forbid her hb to visit his own parents, this is too much !!

dreamykite SG

Sad Sad

jojobeach SG

Since it is rented out, then the rent should go to paying off the debt right ?
If not, then shouldn't your MIL have a share of the income too ?

What about your father in law ? He also no comment on the housing thing ?

Since the house is partly under your MIL name, when Grandma pass away, your MIL will own the house right ?

jojobeach SG

What your SIL is doing is "passive aggressive". Very common tactic used by women in particular.

Did something happen between your SIL and your parent ?
Maybe an argument or dispute ?

We all know women don't easily forgive. So maybe there's some kinda grudge your SIL is holding against your parents?

When two women fight, it's worst than the world wars...because it can draaaagggg...... forever.

tutu2 SG

hi jojo

for the house rent, MIL & grandma did not get a single cent, all goes to one of the son.Who is divorce, now staying w his gf.

As for FIL, he of course wants MIL to remove the name so that both of them can go get their own house.i don't think MIL will get the house even if grandma passes away, dun forget her 5 sons will "haunt" my MIL for the house, since one of the son already "keeping" the rental for himself.

As for SIL, there was no arguement between her & PIL, is just one of her nasty auntie teach her not to let PIL stay w her, the aunt tell her my MIL no good, keep brain wash her..

jojobeach SG

Hmmmm.... don't you think the whole thing is kinda hokey ?

Are you sure you are not being smoked by your in-laws ?
Did you verified the stories with the person in question? Or was it something someone cook up to pacify your doubts ?

Don't you think it seem like you married into a family of dingy brainless bunch ?
How can it be right ?

Maybe your PIL wants to live with your HB, they are just worried you won't let them, so they came up with a load of sob stories ??

Is it really true your MIL is no good?
Frankly, how gullible can your SIL be right ?

dreamykite SG

Tutu2:
If the flat is under yor MIL and her mom (ur grandma) only, after ur grandma pass away, it will automatically be transfered to ur MIL (usually it is done in this way). Then ur MIL and PIL will have the house. Think they are waiting for that. Ur grandma chase them away bcos she wanted to rent out the whole unit.

Lesson is nvr live with in laws...

Misty Blue:
agree with jojo. Is it bcos divorce is a taboo in our society? You think you are serving your sin here? Your MIL and PIL has neither been a gd thingy too. Just bcos they hold the title MIL and FIL, u got to tolerate them. The more you being gd to them, the more they take advantage of you. Just MIA. Leave the house.

tutu2 SG

hi jojo

mayb u are right, my PIL are a bunch of brainless ppl, now hb aso gave up talking to them..so i guess we got to let them stay w us..

mm..PIL were not in very good terms, they are not like normal couple, they basically do not communicate, eg FIL want buy hse, MIL will 'pour' cold water saay "where got $$" ..they hv the mindset that no $ cannot buy hse..i know this is a geniune case, they are not cooking stories in the house thing. is the grandma that is cunning old fox..u know now she stay w son/grandson..err..she want grandson get married..but the condo has not enough rooms..so one of the grandson is gg oversea to work, not coming back..actually FIL dun like to stay w us, is MIL wants..FIL prefer to rent house outside but they hv no income so cannot rent..and i dun think is nice for them to rent since our hse hv spare room.

AS for MIL, she is alright, just a little bit slow,tat SIL is hopeless one lah..

BrUtUs SG

looks like living with PIL are a pain….

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