Originally posted by pete_parker:
Ever since my previous relationship ended 4 years ago, my
personal life all this while has been in a pathetic state of slump.
Many times after work, I would feel that déjà vu sense of awful
loneliness as most of my colleagues have someone to meet whilst
Ill just be heading home as usual. Sometimes I would bump into old
classmates and see them happily shopping with their gf, whilst I
would have to lie about meeting someone later when Im actually
just shopping alone. On weekends and special occasion like Xmas,
everyone would have someone special to be with, everyone apart from
me
Ive been asking myself quite a few times [b]just whats wrong
with my life or am I doing something wrong?
Sometimes I even ponder if Ive been cursed or what?! Its like
these few years, I cant seem improve the state of my relationship
life, no matter what I do.
Each time I see a gal I like, I would tell myself to give it a
short better to fail than regret not trying right. But for some
inexplicable reasons, even after knowing each other for some time,
she would never seem to call or sms me on her own. Even when I
initiate contact, for example sms-ing her, the response is usually
somewhat slow & the reply short (like how u would treat someone
u dont rely care about).
Whilst she does not detest me and we even meet up occasionally, I
know I dont mean much to that her. Unless I keep on contacting on
my own, I would just gradually fade away from that persons
life.
And this kind of scenario repeats itself continuously over all the
different relationships i've tried to develop these few yrs.
[/b]
I can fully understand your situation. Similarly, it has also
been 4 years since my last relationship. I felt that is more of a
release for me as my gf was insecure and eager to settle down that
time. There was this joke that she cursed me, during the breakup,
in front of me saying that no girl will ever love me and I guess it
is very effective till now.... 
Thereafter, I took up part-time studies (masters) and subsequently
embark on a professsional course....partly to upgrade myself and
and also to fully utilise my time. I can guess the breakup was a
blessing in disguise at that moment because it enables me to do my
masters.
I can understand your loneliness because for me, aside the
occassional outings with frens, I have to be at home to catch up
with my studies. Worse is during weekends, one will see families
having lunches and dinners and it does make one feel whether is it
something wrong with oneself. Fortunately, my work is pretty
stressful and I worked late so I would not have that feeling of
going back on time and sulk at the prospect of not meeting my
significant other.
Just to tell you dun be. The most important thing I have been
telling myself is to love yourself first. Dont fret over things
that you have no control of, even though it concerns with the
affairs of the heart.
I am also not here to advise you to make tons of money and if a
girl is seriously only interested in your money, even if she is
married to you, she still can have an all gals clubbing evening and
meeting with other guys (substance over form).
The only thing you can do now is to make use of the time to do what
you want to do or pursue. I have ex-coursemates lamenting to me
that working full time, studying part-time and raising a young
family is not easy.
I understand that all the pursuit/acheivement of goals and dreams
will not compensate for the loneliness/emptiness in your heart but
at least these are the things that you have better control of. As
some forumers might add, widening your social circles of frens is
also another alternative. It can be done through taking up new
courses or activities.
All the best in your pursuit of your own happiness.
