Getting older and more alone

last SG · 2007-04-14T00:30:33+00:00

we dont even know who you are and we are not interested to. But just by judging from your post, we know you've problem.

clone_war SG

why dun u just be a bachelor?

Even though marriage is a big part of life. But no tao hua, then work loh. Work your career up in the meanwhile. At least you spend more fruitfully.

MarryMe SG

u are also very wrong. i got a couple last time but that was long long ago. after the last one the world seems to have changed. now want to be SERIOUS yet cannot find.i am not afraid of loneliness I am just tired of waiting and waiting.

clone_war SG

At least you have one mah.. Have u ever being a situation where u 20 something still have none? and seriously, all your frens say you are of the good looking batch. Complaining and wining doesn't really seems to help... Sometimes rather do something you could do best , then you peform worst. you never know when the time will come, but you also don't know when it doesn't. Just work ba. work till you dun think of anything. occupying yourself with frens and families that care, rather than those who don't. At the end of the day, these are the ppl that stand by your side, not the gals.

Yunhaier SG

Glancing at your previous topic and connecting it to this, I can't help but to perceive you as a ranter.

You probably tried to work hard, but met with some dismaying results. From there, you got disgruntled and got rancorously resentful. I don't know how it actually seemed to you, but I don't think your mindset is improving your situation any bits.

You are like a man who gazed into the mirror and had no problem with what you see in the reflection. However, unknown to you, the enigma derive from your blind spots; areas where you can't see it yourself but definitely it's there. Yes, you may twist and turn in all direction hoping to spot the blemishes, but there's only a limit on how much vision a one piece mirror could offer you.

A woman walked by and easily spotted the maculation you failed to see. In your mind eye, you reckoned that you had no noticeable flaws that would fail your attempt in the chase, but obviously, that isn't the case. Rejections follow and gradually you grew bitter. The poison increased in intensity and soon, to protect both the fragile ego and our brittle mind, you had to rationalize it to be the fault of woman.

If you hate woman so much that you wished them 'single and old and unwanted', then why would you 'need' them so much?

Perhaps the fear of loneliness is inflicting you with insanity - you are largely driven by desperation, not maturity, and a terribly lack of wisdom.

Perhaps if you embrace humility and work yourself from within, you might be able to achieve better result. Idea

Cheers

gigabyte14 SG

chee bye la.

i'm a guy damn it. Mad

MarryMe SG

wat's the use once have? now back to square one.i am not good looking neither ugly looking la. I really worried la. soon wanna 30 still dun have one steady one. u all still young wun understand one la. last time i young like u all dun understand. Now "wake" up then worried.i dun wan to marry china brides u know. they all suck blood one.all my frens got their family and partners, ask them go out always not free. many nvr contact. slowly losing everyone and going to be alone. not that I scared alone but it's very MEANINGLESS. got money for wat? no family to feed, nothing to fight for, no one to live for, dunno wat to do everyday. u all understand?i try so many things liao. be more sociable, be more friendly, join this join that. yet nothing!!! in fact worse. make me feel like useless!!!!!!!!!but i haven't give up la. just that worried u know? time very fast one. somemore got stupid reservist. always at the wrong time. coming one at my birthday. ARGH!

Scania N113CRB luver SG

Laughing

allentyb SG

TS!!!!!

You probably have a bad skin problem, and maybe you are short

thats why no girls like you at all

or maybe you are too childish and a woman needs a man!

so your post is too biased

all i can said to you is,

woman are over rated in singapore, no point in taking a second look at them!

nothing so fancy about them

so cheers, try and look somewhere else

MarryMe SG

wa kao, wise old man. how i wish my english as good as yrs. thanks. I understand but it's easy to listen but hard to do la. everyday i tell myself dun give up. take things easy. but very hard u know. especially when weekend comes. There so many new places coming up in Singapore yet I can't go with someone special. YEt thses places are crowded with loving couples and families. Even want to go overseas holiday also no one to go with. Got a stupid quote say, you are only young once, make full use of it. Seems like my youth will be wasted perhaps whole life also wasted. i dunno what i do to deserve all these.

yr last part "Perhaps if you embrace humility and work yourself from within, you might be able to achieve better result."
I seriously doubt so. Later I will be MR Nice guy. We all know what happens to MR Nice Guys. They get left behind.

MarryMe SG

stop attacking my looks la. I AM NEITHER UGLY NOR HANDSOME. All i can say, some pple will look at me while some will not. and those that will not are those KOREAN addicts! not only singapore women ar. malaysia also. all same one la. maybe must categorise CHINESE women.

Scania N113CRB luver SG

Bullshyt lah what Korean. Laughing Its Taiwanese ! Embarassed Korean not many plp jio leh.

curiousOrange SG

There are three types of guys in general.

Nice guy
Jerk
Good guy

Most of the people here might disagree, but to me, you are one of the nice guys.

A good guy buys gifts for his friends and open doors for them and he does things like that naturally.

A nice guy does the same things hoping to score points.

Women can smell your intentions from afar. That is why women avoid the nice guys.

A jerk in the relationship context, is someone who have grown fed up with women. Frustration builds over the years and he has past the point of caring about women.

Loneliness however is still too hard for him bear.

He resorts to being constantly aggressive and flaunts his sexuality.

Why do I bother telling you all these?

You are fed up with being a nice guy.

You need a healthy transition.

You are at a crossroad where there are two paths open to you right now.

Nice guy -------> Jerk

Loneliness however is still too hard for him bear.

Instead of finding out what causes the void and sense of emptiness in you, allow that frustration to build into anger and you will find yourself heading towards jerk land.

In the short run, you will enjoy a certain degree of success with women but you can never keep them.

The reason is simple.

That sense of emptiness will not go away.

Nice guy -------> Good guy

The good guy realizes one important truth.

He can never be happy with a women unless he is happy being single.

The truth prompts him to seek other ways to fill up the emptiness he feels.

You will obviously feel the need of intimacy along the way but you have to realize that you are way ahead of the nice guys and jerks.

Men who cannot get past the nice guy phase continue to buy their way into relationships to fill up that void they feel. They spend the rest of their days behaving like a doormat.

Men who cannot get past the jerk phase can never come close to living a life with passion as they base their success on a series of calculated maneuvers.

Nice guys survive.

Jerks exist.

You on the other hand can choose to truly live.

Take care.

gigabyte14 SG

you envy the koreans.

let me tell you. not all koreans are good looking.

you have low self esteem.

i saw your posts earlier and i could tell that you're pestering your female conterparts to be your partner.

not all women think desperate.

and i have a hunch that your attitude is like the "meet up 1st time, and be my girlfriend" attitude.

you're awfully desperate.

why must you only set on chinese? are there only chinese women in this world?

you have an eye the size of a full stop. you don't even bother to look at the sides. you are too straight forward.

and when i say doll up, i mean improve on your appearance.

i don't mean make up you faggot.

first impression counts.

change for the better, and don't be a frog in the well.

and don't think that you're perfect yourself. you are picky and yet have the cheek to say that you don't mind how they look and just wanted to have a happy life blah blah blah.

so please, improve on yourself.

Yunhaier SG

Then you will always be a ranter for eternity - not someone that initiate and bring forth positive changes in your life.

I don't understand why would you have to 'benchmark' (this is currently the most 'in' word to use) yourself to couples you see on the street? Why does your self worth equate merely to the realms of relationship? You mean without love you are but a worthless piece of trinkets?

I cannot determine your self worth for you; if that's all it takes for you to have a wrapped, debilitated state of self esteem, it would be difficult for you to succeed anything in life. Your defeatist mindset will ruin whatever good work you try to introduce.

I merely posted one reply in your topic and immediately I see you go 'Oh no, cannot... very difficult... no way...' sort of reply-answer.

Not very difficult to see how far you could fare, not just in love, but also in life (as seen clearly in your other post).

Think hard about it. Idea

Cheers

snobbish SG

women nowadays are educated, street smart and independent.Who cares if no men Laughing Not like olden days muz depend on men, now women thinking are different. So get this clear, being single may be may personal CHOICE

pierre^^ SG

U really should not give up hope

first why not just throw that anger away

Fate is such a strange thing

and well, from what i see on street, u dun have to be good looking to get a gf, or even a pretty one as well

I had frens whom are pretty gorgeous but that bf are really pale to comparison

its more to chemistry, sincerity, attitude and charisma

work towards that

it may pay off
it may not

you just cant force love, but at least u are making an effort to improve ur love life.

Do u see ur weakness, just because people give u some negative comments in this forum, u became ultra defensive and more angry

this shows that when people do things u dislike, u gave out negative vibes which kinda turn people off

improve on that, channel ur anger into something even powerful
Like graciousness

Make people feel like they want to be around you
Showcase ur energy, ur passion, ur love, out and loud

Attitudes are the hardest to change in a person
Do read books in this area and dun be afraid to try them out

Everyday is abt improvement
U cant expect everything to be on ur way at once when u changed
but bit by bit
things will only get better

A little side note
Though looks arent everything, it wun hurt to improve on self grooming

so think of the areas u can improve
Do u have a ugly hairstyle? maybe can hop down town to get cut by a gd stylist

Are u thin or fat? Maybe some fattening or slimming + Some regular gym

Are u clean? As in acne prone face, oily hair, ugly teeth etc? maybe cam do something abt them

Jus dont lose hope
maybe u are turned off by girls whom arent exactly what u expected from them

but hey, u just haven met the nice ones yet

and i wish u all the best

This society cant change to suit you
You have to change , to be accepted by this society

pierre^^

gigabyte14 SG

cute boy talking, must take note Laughing

AndrewPKYap SG

To TS (MarryMe)

I would say that the problem is because you are a very unhappy person. I don't think there are girls that wants to marry unhappy people unless the guy is very rich or exceptional.

If you are just an average person like the rest of us... then I would say that you are unattractive because you are so unhappy.

At this point in time, the thing that you should so is read more "self help" books and read more philosophy and psychology books (maybe join a religion) to "find yourself" and come to terms with yourself...

jojobeach SG

MarryMe,

Hello there.
I'm sure you must be a nice guy. Possibly the reason why you are still single is because you are too good.

Simple, let me ask you a question.
What kind of girl are you looking for to be your wife or gf ?

Example :-

1. Must be good looking
2. Must have good figure.
3. Must know how to cook.
4. Must be able to produce sons.
5. Must be good in bed.
6. Must treat you like a king.
7. Must not nag.
8. Must be very frugal.
9. Must love you more than you love her.
10. Must treat you better than your mother.
11. Must be able to earn money.
12. Must be submissive and not argue with you.
13. ALL OF THE ABOVE.

Please indicate which of the above you are looking for.

This way I can help you.

MS SG

Hi TS,

While reading your post I can't help but feel sorry for you.
You remind me of my past many years ago. I put in my heart and soul into my previous 6 relationsips but all ended up in tragedy. Half of them are broken by 3rd party. I really yearned for a relationship until I just gave up and let nature took its course.

Then I met this ex classmate which I wanted to woo during during sec sch days but had no guts to do it. We had not kept in contact for 7 years. Anyway she's my wife now.

Let nature take its course and don't force things. It doesn't matter if you're in your late 20s yet no gf. But by being forceful you become irritating and the girls will run away. Be gentle, caring, helpful but not obsessively. Let the chemistry come. After you're together, don't be pocessive. Like fishing. Sometimes you reel in sometimes you reel out. But every girl is different. Don't anyhow jump into a relationship whereby the girl has a wild nature. Then you'll be asking for trouble. Don't be chin chye in relationships. A marriage is a career you cannot easily say you want to quit.

Meanwhile, I would suggest that you concentrate on a career, preferably get a car too, find something which pays you well. Get a life in your career. Socialise with friends more, Know more people. It will aid you have a good relatiuonship.

All the best!

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