Where is the line?

<Precious> SG

You should have known better. You have gone in with your eyes wide open. That he's separated is not equivalent of him being divorced. This makes you the third party - GUILTY! So if you feel hurt, I guess you deserve it lor....... Rolling Eyes

choco B SG

I wonder if you even suspect that the "terminal diseases" excuse is fake or not. Laughing

It's perfectly right that you're not happy with it. But I think you have to give him some credit for being honest.

I find it strange that a seperated man will want to do such a thing with his ex-wife, but perhaps they really are still friends.

I think it all boils down to how much you know his character and how much you trust him.

The fact is he's built strong familial ties over years with his wife and her family . You're only his girlfriend.

If what he says is all true, I think it is not unreasonable for him to go.

If he still feels something for the ex-wife he will return to her whether or not you are in the picture.

Being with seperated man is not easy, you have to be prepared for remnants of his past marriage interupting your relationship.

Bontakun SG

Trust bah. Sometimes there are unfairness around. He did not clarify with you properly during your 1st date or meeting, that puts him into a potential mistrust state. If he can "lie" at that time, he can do it again in the future.

Frankly speaking: do you still have hope you can be with him together?

sggirl07 SG

Are you blind or you cant read!?

i wrote, i did not know he was married. he told me he was DIVORCED.

sggirl07 SG

I do not know how i got myself into this.

i was willing to overlook the fact that i was not told the truth before the relationship, but why is he still making things so difficult for me, time and again? time after time?

choco B SG

How long you two been together?

sggirl07 SG

3 months

choco B SG

In the first place, since he had been lying on several important things right from the beginning, I'd be very wary of his character already. Things are not what they seem. And I doubt he did anything much in the 3 months to gain your trust ?

The fact is, he does not need your permission to go holiday. If he wants to go, he goes.

Since you've already chosen to commit to him, I think you should tell him honestly that his past actions have not made you trust him. And that you can't stop him from going on holiday, but if he is found lying again you will seriously re-consider staying on.

Don't invest too much into this relationship in the meantime. The boy has to earn your trust and get his marriage sorted out, not sure how well he'll handle that.

honeymouse SG

Since only 3 months, it's not too late to walk out of the relationship if you are really in doubt.

If you decide to continue on, it's still important to find out the actual reasons behind the separation.

Follow your heart. At the end of the day, you need to be happy. If 90% of your time together you feel miserable, then it's really not worth continuing.

Take care and good luck!!! Wink Very Happy

Devil1976 SG

His wife is not a local?

How sure are you that he's actually separated from his wife....?

From what you've said for yourself, it seems like you really can't accept this relationship?

Only 3 months and met for only a couple of times... Have you seriously not consider to end this relationship instead?

sggirl07 SG

yea, she is not a local. she is a hongkee. I have never seen the seperation papers if that is what you are asking, what i know is based on what he tells me.

i try to accept it as it as, i really try, i really do. but he is not helping me. now and then, i will get a fresh news, fresh bad news.

first, he is married with a kid, not divorced yet, seperation in progress.
then, she will be here, they will stay in the same house.
next, cant see him often.
then, he is goin for family trip in CNY.
then she will be joining him.
then her family will be joining.

when will this series of bad news end? and we are just talking about big disappointments, not touching other small disappointments. is he so determined in breaking my heart? that one blow after another, my heart aint broken, accepted things as they are, and so he continues to give me new blows? Crying or Very sad

browniebaobao SG

tricky leh..

of course will be jealous..

but then since it's the last trip.. i think the mum also want to go as a whole family ba.. so let them lor.. have to be understanding ba.

and about the ex wife and son.. cannot deprive the son of fatherly love de..

and abt the wife.. how did they end up divorced?

is she attached now?

do they still have feelings for each other?

browniebaobao SG

if u cant take it now.. there's more in the future.. especially if u two get married..

coz his son will always be his son, his ex wife will always be his ex wife.

so if u cant accept it.. cant put up with it.. then dun waste ur time anymore.

sggirl07 SG

have i not been understanding?
when he told me after we were in a relationship, he is undergoing separation, not divorced yet, i did not make a sound.
when he told me that they will be staying together, that is their matrimonial house, yes understanding, i did not utter a word too.
when he told me that we should spare a thought for their feelings and meet less often, and yes, son should not be deprived of father's love. that i totally agree, and therefore i kept quiet again. and yes, we met only 2 times in 1.5 mths.

how have i not been understanding enough? how much more understanding should i be? And i m trying to be understanding so that they husband and wife, one whole big family with children and both sides in laws are going away for CNY trip. i wont see him for another half month. Crying or Very sad

how much more surprises can i take? how much more hurt can i take?

All i asked for was tell me the truth, everything, no matter how unbearable. dun keep giving me piece meal unpleasant surprises all the time, every other day. was that so difficult?

mayday80 SG

hmm so what do you want to get from this relationship? Personally, I think if you can say whatever you said here to him, it will clear up a lot of your doubts. I feel he isn’t a bad character but you need to have more communication. You seem too passive.

sggirl07 SG

i am not a passive person, i kept quiet cos i was trying to not give him awkardness or pressure to his already pressured situation. Sad

mayday80 SG

i think being quiet puts just one more crack in this already fragile situation. Be more vocal... tell him about ur insecurities and he'll probably give you the best answer. Better than any advice we can give to you.

If I'm in his shoes. First, there's the son whom I would want to be a good father to. Second, if the ex-wife's mom is passing on soon, I'm after all the ex-son... definitely I would want to see her again. Being divorced dosen't mean you break off all contact and relationships and doesn't mean you can easily break it off.

The easy way out is to get out of this r/s like what many people will advise you to do. But you'll have to think with your heart and your head... whether your love for him outweighs the sacrifices and insecurities... only you yourself know how much this r/s means to you.

I think you should still start with conversation as a first step.

Bontakun SG

Let it go then. You can either let the issue go and pretend nothing has happen or let him go.

sggirl07 SG

the relationship means alot to me, otherwise, why you think i am swallowing everythin and keeping quiet and just accept things as they are, not uttering a single word?

Crying or Very sad

mayday80 SG

go ahead and tell him then... really!

I'll hate it if it goes sour just because you kept quiet... cos I really want you to tell him.

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