Originally posted by Yunhaier:
Behind this simple curfew lies a greater malice:
this is deep parental complex since young; nothing much you can
guys could do unless she is willing to fight for her own
freedom?
Her parents is not going to 'wake up' one day and say 'hey, our
daughter has grown up... so she could fare better with some freedom
in her life', especially since they haven't thought that issue even
when she is 27?
Some parents never realise this - the longer you shelter your child
with all these 'rules', the later they learn to survive in society
and the more vulnerable they are to setbacks and failures. This is
especially true in love and relationship. She may learn to cope
with her career gradually, but when it comes to love - she just
become another perfect victim for the universe to unleash nasty
cosmic lesson.
Parental complex is one classic reason why people become what they
are... leading their sort of relationship. There is this massive
conflict that engaged itself on our unconscious level, whenever our
individual nature tries to hatch and liberate ourselves from
parental bondage. Some people have easy transition, but to those
who have difficulty in this metamorphosis, they usually suppress
this divine self right, in order to compromise with external
parental pressure - still seeking for their approval,
acknowledgment and love.
Her parents wrote script based on their own perspective/thoughts
and demanding their daughter to learn their script.
There is this spiritual tension - on one side, she tries to evolve
into a true individual grasping her own life and on the other hand,
she too tried to accept her parents' pre-prepared script of what
they reckon is positive for her life. And if she accepts the former
ideology, the parents would give her the coveted message that her
choice is something punishable by abandonment. It gives rise to
message like disloyalty and cultivates seeds of guilt into her
soul.
[b]In other words, her
parents instil the message of 'you will hurt me if you don't listen
to me...' or 'being myself is wrong', which will inevitably make
her feel that she is responsible for everybody's
happiness.
The struggle to manifest her authentic self or to gain approval
from her parents continues and this affects relationship from all
dimension (In astrology, this is where Moon/Saturn or 4th/10th
house [or ruler of those house] is heavily dignified, probably with
bad placing and hard aspects, which causes much of these
tension).
I don't know how you want to help her. This is more like a personal
struggle in which she would have to surmount. All her life, she
probably suppress herself not to look into that direction I have
pointed - a bona fide route to emotional self-actualization by
forging a separate identity... an identity where it's truly
hers.
You may want her to read what I have written? And maybe it's time
to preview her own life to see what she wants to see in her own
future. 
Cheers[/b]
What you're saying is not unfounded, but I feel the cultural
context plays a big part too. No disrespect, but asian families
tend to exhibit such traits more prominently - and
disproportionately on a larger scale too - than their western
counterparts(at least from my experience of having lived in both
parts of the world).
Put it this way, I feel - generally speaking - an Asian upbringing
better inculcates family values in one, but ultimately, a western
upbringing better prepares an individual for life...
