weird gf

last SG · 2006-11-18T20:45:21+00:00

Originally posted by Yunhaier: The sense of insecurity is usually imaginary - people reckon that something negative will happen even though you showed no...

sickandtired SG

hi everyone..new member here.. kinda troubled so hope u all can give me wsome views..

my gf and i have been together for 4 years and still counting. in our 3rd year we broke up and patched back about 3 months later. during this 3 months, i had another 'gf' whom i didn't love at all. i dreaded meeting her and the only reason why i stayed with her during the 3 months was that i didn't know how to say "NO" to the relationship.

After plucking up the courage, i left her and my previous gf and me patched back. things were going smoothly but it was never the same. As she was my first ever gf, the breakup was very painful for me. but after patching up, i kinda just enjoy the relationship half heartedly. no doubt i love her but i just cant bring myself to be as loving as i was the first time round.

my gf herself always like to make problems. it's like she is so insecured. she always likes to check on my emails and frenster accounts. everytime some gals whom i dunno adds me, she starts her nonsense and will throw all kinda questions at me. but i do not ask her anythin when guys msg her thru this stupid program called frenster! i haf even stopped chatting on msn whenever she is around as she dislieks me chatting with gals. i mean, come on, wats wrong with chatting with ppl online? i haf frenz who are guys and gals.. and besides, i made frenz with these gals when we were not together. and we are purely chatting and catchin things up. we didn't meet or love each other. is it wrong t obe friends with others when you are attached?

what irritates me even more is that she always wants to break up. she likes to threaten and say this word. after enduring this type of "break-up" attitude, i finally said enough is enough and left early this year. but 3 months later, i realised that i can't be without her. it's as if i had gotten used to her presence and doings.

after patching up, i did talk to her about her actions and she said she was sorry about it etc. things went well until recently, she starts her nonsense again. i know that the feelings have died down between us and both of us are trying. but all these quarrels are not doing us any good. and i cant just leave her and break up cause she herself is going through many problems. she has left her house due to arguments with her parents. i feel my gf has a attitude problem. she is very affected by what happens around her.

for example, if another person is having an affair, she will assume i am or will have one in the future. because of all these thoughts, we haf argues countless times and it is due to thoughts like these(of a different kind) that she left her house and is putting up with me now.

everyday i come back home after work and play my games or do my stuff and yet she suspects me. i am so tired and sad but then i cant bring myself to leave her.

i know i am not that good a person too.i am insensitive and she always calls me a MCP(of coz i dun think i am a MCP) i dunno how to love her and neither do i know how to make her feel loved in front of others. but yet she is still with me despite she telling me many times that all she wants is to be loved. i am trying but i cant love her like other guys will love their gf. i am just like that. my love is shown differently and she is trying to accept that i think.

i am so disappointed that after so long we are still having problems. i am so sure that if we go our own ways, we both can find better partners than each other but i just want her and i hope there is a solution to this. i cant expect a marriage life with suspicions.

pls give ur views..thanks..

SpecOps87 SG

WAh…ur situation about same as mine lah bro. Hahah…oops…or should I say used to be same as mine as she’s move on with a 22yr old drop-out. Which looks more like a wild boar then her tall,tanned and beach boy look. But what the hell…all I can say is this, women are insecure. Always…which isn’t a bad thing, because it keeps us on our toes to constantly find ways to seduce and create interests in each other in the relationship

BrUtUs SG

weird or not weird, its all ur choice… time will tell… she has no confidence in herself so u can build up her confidence in herself so this way she wun feel tat u will leave her…

alexkusu SG

dump her for good, no need to carry all that weight.

thelesis SG

Wah.. how come you and me are under the same situation… but no choice, girls are emotional one…

sickandtired SG

wah..seems like every gal is the same? now why dun they realise we love just them only? haiz..

fudgester SG

Simply put, she's immature and insecure.

If you don't go around checking her emails and friendster accounts, I don't see why she should be doing so.

I've heard of too many cases of this... girls being insecure and going green-eyed for the smallest reason. My buddy's girlfriend broke up with him simply because she caught him talking with another girl. And to think she gets along closely with other guys. Sheesh.

You don't need to put up with all this hypocritical nonsense of hers. There are plenty of other girls out there who will treat you with a lot more respect and decency.

dokono SG

Hello Sickandtired,

I know you are sick and tired of this girl. I can tell you are a good-looking guy. If not, how is it that your gf so suspicious most of the time involving friendster and other things, that has nothing to do with you? One thing about her- she has very low self-esteem. You know how I advise people in other threads? When the girl has very low self-esteem, I tell them to avoid her like the plague if you want to go in for the long-term. This is what you get if you continue to stay with her in the long-run. That is the solution. Stay away from her.

I have a feeling you are very popular with the opposite sex, something she is not very succesful in and comfortable with. Am I wrong?

Let me tell you something: Once the two of you broke up before, there is no way of going back because you are still going to remember all her stupid actions. That's going to turn you off so much. Can you imagine her being your wife, constantly breathing down your neck where the heck you are? You have to find someone better--Im sure you can. Because at the end of the day, you might still want to break up with her because you still cannot tolerate her nonsense. A leopard seldom/never changes her spots. Therefore, avoiding her is the best solution. There are some people you must avoid to retain your sanity.

Another mistake you made was getting a gf when you didn't love her. Why waste her time and yours? She is going to call you a jerk for this.

You know why you can't be as loving as before? Because she did not make you feel like a MAN! You are sick and tired of her as explained in your nick. All she ever did was giving you nonsense. You are lucky you are not married. A woman is supposed to make you feel like a man. But she did not fulfil that role. Long-term material? Nah. She is out in my book.

You know when she threaten to break up with you, you should have said ''okay''. But, you were WEAK and cannot let her go. That's ok because you were human like another guy called mitilagant and tankh80 in other threads. You belong to this group of people after a long-term breakup with their first gf.
You have to let it go and find a girl who is not possessive. Really, consider ten times if you want someone like that for a wife. You cannot deny yourself the chance of getting a good one as well as other girls who deserve you.

You don't tell the girl to behave herself and expect her to change. They are hard-wired that way since 3-4 years old. You cannot change a person. Only they can change themselves.

You mentioned the feelings between the two of you have died. Assuming that is true, why do you still continue this relationship? Isn't that digging your own grave? Why do you want to stay with someone whom you have no feelings for? No point.

The reason you can't be loving as other guys is because she did not make you feel loved and/or you don't love her as much because feelings for her dropped a great deal. Understand?

Actually, you have already answered your own questions. You cannot afford a marriage with suspicions. So my advice: you dump her. There are really better girls. Find a better one not like her. She is trouble all the way. If you don't, just forget all that I have typed and suffer in silence. Unless she changes herself, it's not going to work out for this relationship.

doko

dokono SG

That girl is a control freak or she already wanted to break up with him so she is trying to find an excuse. Either way, you don't want to be with any of them.

doko

blu_sky SG

not all gals are so insecured.

larrenV2.003 SG

U r a gal of course will say this wat.... Laughing

Anyway i believe gals will think better when they are in thier late twenties and this is possible... Wink not fogetting a stable marriage make a gal a certified woman... Mr. Green

dokono SG

Can't generalise.

There are some girls who are mature even though they are very young and some girls who are immature even in their late twenties or early 30s.

You have to get to know her better before committing. If you marry a wrong woman and it carries into your marriage life, you are doomed.

doko

larrenV2.003 SG

That one very suay

yuko-ogura SG

dokono SG

That's why you must spend a lot of time to get to know her before you say you want to marry her. You must ask yourself what is it that you like about her and what is it you don't like. Some things you can live with then okay. Are there more good things about her than bad things?

But spending 4 years in the relationship and you are still pissed off is more than enough time to know whether you must get rid of her. Some people can still live with such wives and it depends on them. But imagine her trying to control you most of the time, you will feel strangled.

Don't marry her just because she says so or because you love her so much.

Being controlled by your own attraction towards her is going to spell disaster.

When it comes to marriage, you have to think with your head and not with your feelings. Don't try to rationalise her behaviour just because you love her.

doko

larrenV2.003 SG

there is better ones out there next time u wun be +1 when u found the right partner Mr. Green

dokono SG

You'd better find a right girl to marry.

Remember the Women's Charter? For more info, please go visit the Speaker's Corner.

doko

blu_sky SG

if you think so, dun get a gf unless she is in her late twenties lah Laughing

larrenV2.003 SG

I'll be in my 30's Laughing

blu_sky SG

how old are you now?

if your profile is true, so you not goin to have gf in the next 8-10 years?